Breathe For Love

So…. This is longer than expected… hahaha. I don’t think anyone will mind though.

Still the same day as Ethan’s birthday party (previous post), just so you know :)

Like always, sorry for grammar/spelling!

“Ok Eth, ready for bed?” Hayley asked. She and Ethan had just finished their nightly snuggle after bath time. Ethan nodded and yawned loudly, still bundled up in a towel from his bath.

“Let’s get your PJs and a fresh diaper on.” Hayley said.

“I’ll do it.” Josh said quietly. “You go get ready for bed, you look exhausted.”

“Thanks.” Hayley mumbled. They had just finished cleaning the house from Ethan’s party before Hayley had given Ethan his bath.

“No Daddy!” Ethan complained when Josh walked toward him with a diaper. “Noooo!” He wailed, tears forming in his eyes. He hopped up in down in frustration and waived his arms around.

“What?” Josh asked, confused. “What’s wrong?”

“He’s just tired.” Hayley informed.

“No dipey!” Ethan cried, waiving Josh away and wiping tears from his tiny face.

“Eth, you have to wear a diaper to bed.” Josh sighed.

“Noooo!” Ethan wailed. “I big boy!” Hayley groaned and walked back into the room to provide backup for Josh. Ethan had been doing very well with potty training recently, and he had been determined to be a ‘big boy’ ever since he had turned three. But he couldn’t make it through the night yet, not that Hayley or Josh expected him to. Even Sammy still had bad nights on rare occasions.

“I know you’re a big boy, but you have to wear your diaper to bed.” Josh explained. Ethan wailed louder and shrank away from Josh when he stepped forward with the diaper once more.

“Just… let him go to bed.” Hayley sighed.

“With nothing at all?” Josh asked. Ethan was still a little young for underwear, all he had at the moment were diapers.

“He has pajama pants…” Hayley pointed out.

“You do realize he will wet the bed, right?” He asked. Hayley nodded. “And he’ll cry.”

Hayley nodded once more.

“He won’t want to go to bed without a diaper again though.” She pointed out. “At least, not until he’s really ready. Sarah and Jeremy did the same thing with Sammy, to show him why he needed to still wear a diaper to bed.” She explained.

“You realize we’ll have to clean up.” Josh continued.

“Yes, Josh.” Hayley sighed.

“At like… two in the morning.” He pointed out.

“Yes, Josh!” Hayley snapped. “I know!”

“Alright.” Josh sighed, giving in. Hayley left the room to find a waterproof mattress pad while Josh calmed Ethan down and took him to the bathroom.

“Don’t need to.” Ethan frowned when Josh stood him in front of the toilet.

“I know, I’d like you to try though.” Josh sighed. “Please, Eth.”

“Are you sure you don’t want to wear a diaper to bed?” Hayley asked when Ethan was finally ready to crawl into bed. The toddler nodded happily and pulled the blankets over himself.

“Ok.” She sighed. “Eth, it’s ok if you have an accident, alright?”

“I wont.” He assured.

“Ok, but if you do, it’s alright.” Josh said.

“Night-night.” Ethan replied, shooing his parents out of the room. Hayley sighed and followed Josh out the door.

“I’ll go buy some pull-ups tomorrow.” Josh yawned as they walked down the hallway. “He needs to step up from diapers anyway.” Hayley froze in place at Josh’s words.

“You ok?” He asked with a frown. Hayley looked up, eyes a bit glossy with tears.

“He’s growing up…” She mumbled.

“Aww…” Josh chuckled. He smiled sympathetically and pulled Hayley into a hug. “What, you want to change his diapers forever?” He joked. Hayley laughed quietly and shook her head no.

She wiped her eyes and sighed, trying to regain her composure. “It’s just… it seems like only yesterday he was an infant… and now, he’s so big!” She blubbered. Josh didn’t say anything, he just rubbed her back soothingly. Once again, he was reminded that he hadn’t been there to watch his son grow from a baby to a toddler.

“I’m sorry.” Hayley whispered. “Ah, I’m fine, really. Just… Mommy moment I guess.” She forced a smile and pulled away from Josh to enter the bedroom.

The two changed in silence and collapsed onto the bed, exhausted. “You alright?” Hayley asked after a few moments silence. “You’ve seemed a little sad today.”

Josh shrugged in reply and sighed. After a few more moments of nothing, he opened his mouth to speak. “When was Ethan born?” He asked.

“What?” Hayley laughed.

“What time?” He asked.

“You kno… wait… I did tell you, didn’t I?” She asked, thinking back to their many conversations about their son.

“No, I have no idea.” Josh said, laughing sarcastically. “I don’t even know what my son looked like as an infant.”

“Oh Josh… I’m so sorry.” She whispered. Everything made sense now. He was sad because it was Ethan’s birthday and he was thinking about all he’d missed.

Hayley felt awful. She had always been so stubborn to the fact that he hadn’t wanted to be there at first. She had never really thought about what missing out on the first years of Ethan’s life had done to Josh. Yes, he had chosen not to be there for her and Ethan at first, and yes, she had hated him for it. But she had never really thought about how he must feel now that he was a part of Ethan’s life. And how much he must regret his decision.

“Hold on.” She smiled.

“What are you doing?” Josh asked curiously as Hayley jumped out of bed.

“Reminiscing.” She grinned, heading for the closet. She reached for the top shelf, standing on her toes and biting on her lower lip as she tried to reach.

“Whoa, whoa, whoa!” Josh yelped, jumping out of bed and running to her side. He gently nudged her out of the way and reached up.

“I can reach!” Hayley complained.

“It’s ok, I got it.” Josh said with a nervous smile. “What are you trying to get?” He asked. Hayley frowned suspiciously, but pointed to a photo album. Josh pulled it down easily and handed it over.

“Hold on a sec…” He smiled. He ran out of the room and returned a few moments later with a bottle of red wine and two wine glasses. Hayley smiled and laid the album out on the bed while Josh poured a small amount of wine into each glass.

“Ok, start at the beginning.”  Josh smiled. He flipped to the very beginning of the album to see a few polaroids of a profile view of Hayley’s abdomen. Under each photo, a month was written in Hayley’s mother’s handwriting.

“Ugh, my mom made me do those.” Hayley groaned. “She thought it would be cute.” Josh looked at each polaroid with a smile. Hayley’s stomach had been almost completely flat up until the photo labeled “Week 17”, after that, she’d blown up like crazy.

“Why does it stop at week 28?” Josh asked, flipping through the first few pages in search of more polaroids.

“Because my stomach started looking disgusting after the seven month mark.” Hayley laughed. “Loads of stretch-marks, so gross! I refused to do any more after that. My mom wasn’t happy.” She giggled.

“Ahh.” Josh nodded. “Well, how did things go when you were pregnant?”

“Uh, well…” Hayley started, not really sure where to begin. “It was one of those… technologically too advanced types of things.”

“What?” Josh asked, confused.

“Thanks to all the crazy 3D ultrasounds and other medical crap, they thought they found about ten different ‘life threatening issues’ with Ethan while he was inside me.” Hayley explained.

“Yikes…” Josh said.

“Yeah… One of the more likely issues was that he might have an enlarged stomach, which would have meant I had to give birth at some special hospital in Nashville rather than the hospital here.” Josh frowned and rubbed Hayley’s back as she continued talking.

“It was a big mess. I dreaded every single appointment.” She sighed. “It was always ‘what more could go wrong?’ and it sucked. But, in the end, the doctors were all full of crap. Ethan was absolutely perfect when he was born.” She recalled with a smile. “He was born at 4:37 in the afternoon.”

“4:37…” Josh repeated with a smile.

“He was a huge baby. For someone my size anyway…” Hayley giggled. “8 pounds, 4 ounces, 20 inches long.”

Even though she couldn’t see his face, she could tell Josh was grinning like a madman. She turned the page in the photo album from ultrasound photos to the first photo that had ever been taken of their son.

In the photo, Ethan was bundled up in a blanket and Hayley’s mom was holding him against Hayley’s chest. Hayley looked exhausted, but she had the biggest smile on her face as she stared at the baby boy laying on top of her, with tears in her eyes.

“I had to have a c-section.” Hayley explained as Josh started to point to a strange blue divider just below Hayley’s chest in the photo. “I tried natural birth for a few hours, but he just wasn’t coming out.”

“That’s the scar.” He whispered, placing his hand on Hayley’s lower abdomen. Hayley nodded and rested her head on Josh’s shoulder.

“You know… I called you the day he was born.” She whispered.

“Really?” Josh asked, surprised.

“Yeah.” She replied. “I knew he would be coming soon, and I was just… so confused and scared and… I dunno, before I actually realized what I was doing, the phone was at my ear and I was calling you.” She explained. She laughed quietly before she continued. “I don’t know if it was the sound of your voice, or my heart beating faster or… what… but as soon as you picked up the phone, he kicked super hard and then… my water broke.”

“Oh my god! I remember that!” Josh gasped. “I said ‘hello’, I heard a gasp and then… nothing. You hung up! I never knew who that was.”

“Yep, that was me.” Hayley laughed. “Did you not have caller ID?” She asked, raising an eyebrow.

“It said ‘restricted’” He replied with a shrug.

“Oh…” She mumbled. She grabbed her wine glass and downed what was left of the liquid inside, holding it out after for more.

“So, how was life with Ethan once he was born?” Josh asked as he refilled their glasses.

“Difficult.” Hayley replied honestly. “I got absolutely no sleep. He was always hungry and, good lord! breastfeeding was a pain in the ass…” She muttered. Josh laughed softly and hugged her sideways. “He was so beautiful though…” She smiled. “I liked to just… stare at him.” She added with a laugh. “My little Peanut.”

“Your little what?” Josh asked with a laugh.

“My Peanut!” Hayley replied with a smile. “That was what I called him. Peanut.”

“That’s cute.” Josh said. Hayley nodded and flipped through the album, showing off photos of infant-Ethan.

“He scared the crap out of me one day…” Hayley recalled with a laugh as Josh looked at the photos.

“How did he do that?” Josh asked.

“When he was about five weeks old, he projectile vomited like four times in a day.” Hayley started. “That was one of the signs that something might be wrong with his stomach, like they were thinking while he was still in utero. So I freaked out and brought him to the emergency room. Turned out it was just GER.”

“GE what?” Josh asked.

“Acid reflux, more or less.” Hayley shrugged.

“Oh…” He replied. “And that… was ok?”

“Yeah, I guess it’s somewhat common.” She answered. “I just had to keep him upright as much as I could. Not lay him down flat, or on his stomach, crib had to be raised a little on one end, things like that. It went away when he was about three months old or so.”

“Wow…” Josh sighed. “I don’t know how you did it. I would have freaked out at every little thing he did. I probably would have brought him to the hospital thinking something was wrong, only to find out he simply had the hiccups or something.”

“I could see that happening.” Hayley laughed.

“Apparently my dad did that with Nate.” Josh admitted with a laugh.

Hayley smiled faintly and pulled the blankets over her shoulders as bad memories flooded her brain. “The baby books helped a lot.” She admitted. “Most things he did were explained as ‘normal behavior’ in the books I had.”

“Still though…” Josh shook his head. “I don’t think I could ever have done what you did on my own.” Hayley forced a smile and looked away quickly with a shiver.

“Are you ok?” Josh asked. Hayley shook her head and gasped quietly. “Whoa! What’s wrong?” He asked comfortingly when he realized she was crying. She shook her head and allowed Josh to pull her into his arms. This happened to her every time she really thought about Ethan’s infancy. She couldn’t help it, she felt so guilty…

“Shh…” He soothed. “What is it? What’s wrong? Did I say something?”

“No, no.” Hayley gasped. “I… it’s me.”

“What is it?” He asked again. “You can tell me.”

“I was a horrible mother.” She choked out.

“What? No you weren’t!” Josh scoffed. “You are a great mother!”

“No! Josh… I… God! I couldn’t do it!” She rambled.

“Couldn’t do what?” Josh asked hesitantly. “Hayley, you’re not making sense.”

“He was such a handful… and I had my mom and sisters to help me, but… I felt horrible making them go through all that for a mistake I made…” She continued.

“What… what happened?” Josh asked quietly.

“I did all the research, and I almost set up an appointment. It seemed like the best option for him to have a good life.”

“What research? What are you talking about?” Josh demanded. Hayley stopped and looked Josh in the eyes. She looked so fragile.

“I… I thought about giving him up.” She whispered, voice barely audible. “For adoption.”

“You… really?” Josh asked. He had been expecting something much worse. Tears sprung to her eyes once more and she flung herself against his chest.

“I was seriously considering it.” She choked out. “I wanted him to have the b-best possible life. But I c-couldn’t do it.”

“Hayley!” Josh laughed. “Hayley, it’s ok. Everyone has doubts! And you didn’t do it. You kept him, you raised him, and you did a damn good job at it!”

“No! It’s not ok!” Hayley snapped. “I almost gave up our son, Josh!”

“But you didn’t.” Josh pointed out. “And you had his best interests at heart.” Hayley sighed and wiped her eyes. “Don’t feel guilty about something you didn’t do.” He added softly. “Ethan is happy, you’re happy, I’m happy, everything is fine.”

“No one knows.” She said quietly before she stood up and walked to the bathroom to find a tissue, leaving Josh on the bed with the photo album to digest everything.

“What made you change your mind?” He asked hesitantly after a few moments. Hayley laughed quietly to herself and sat back down next to Josh, wiping more tears away.

“He smiled.” She replied simply. “My Peanut smiled for the first time. I was frustrated and stressed out and he just looked up at me and… smiled. All the problems just melted away in that moment. My son smiled at me. He didn’t care that we were living at my mother’s house. He didn’t care that we had limited funds. He didn’t care that I still hadn’t found a job. He was happy just the way things were. Something about that… I don’t know. I just knew everything would be ok.”

Josh bit his lip and hugged Hayley. “I am so sorry.” He whispered. Tears stung at his eyes, but he forced himself not to let them fall.

“Hey! We made it through ok on our own. And you’re here now.” Hayley said. “That’s all that matters.”

“Still…”

“No.” Hayley said firmly. “Josh, don’t. You’re here now. This is the time when he needs his father. Yes, I admit, it would have been nice if you were there when he was a baby, but things wouldn’t have been any different. We still would have had the exact same issues I had on my own and it probably would have torn us apart. We weren’t ready then. Please don’t beat yourself up about this. I need you to forget about the past, I have. Ethan needs your undivided attention. Wishing you could go back and change things isn’t going to fix anything. Just be here now.”

Josh smiled and nodded. He could do that. There would always be a part of him that wished he would have been there, but he was suddenly confidant that he could push that part to the back of his mind and enjoy life with his girlfriend and his son now.

“Besides, one day you will get to experience the joys of infancy.” Hayley giggled. Josh cocked his head to the side and smiled.

“You want another baby?” He asked tentatively. Hayley blushed slightly and shrugged.

“Someday, yeah.” She admitted. “Maybe… get married first… you know, get things a little more organized.” Josh smiled and kissed her softly.

“I can see that happening someday.” He whispered against her lips. She sighed, eyes fluttering shut, and kissed him passionately.

“Noooo.” He complained as things started to get heavy. “I want to hear more Ethan stories.” He complained. Hayley raised an eyebrow in slight disbelief and laughed. Seconds later, crying came from Ethan’s bedroom.

“Lucky you!” Hayley laughed. “You get to experience yet another Ethan-story firsthand!” She grabbed Josh’s hand and pulled him into the hall towards their son’s room.

“What’s wrong Eth?” She asked as she pushed Ethan’s door open, knowing full well what the problem would be.

“I’m wet.” He sobbed.

“It’s ok baby.” Hayley assured. “Everything will be alright.”

“It was just an accident, buddy. It’s ok.” Josh soothed. “Come on, let’s get you cleaned up.” 

And that is the last we will see of regretful Josh. :)

HAPPY HALLOWEEN!!! I didn't do a Halloween one shot this year :/ Darn... haha
Maybe I'll magically think of something by the end of the day tomorrow... though I doubt it, lol. 

Soooooorryyyyyyy!! I meant to update this past weekend, but I just couldn't seem to make myself write :/ 

This hasn't really been edited, so it's a bit random at times... I just wanted to get something up, lol.

Part 2 should be up by this weekend... :)

“You invited Kelly?” Hayley asked, furrowing her eyebrows. Ethan’s birthday party was in full swing now that all the guests had arrived. Or so Hayley thought… until Josh mentioned he had asked Miss Kelly from Ethan’s daycare to come.

“Yeah, was I not supposed to?” Josh replied. “I mean, she takes care of the little monster every day, why not invite her? And it’s not like she came anyway.” 

“No reason I guess.” Hayley shrugged. 

“Plus, she laughs at my jokes.” Josh grinned. Hayley stopped what she was doing and looked at Josh curiously. “Oh!” Josh gasped. “Oh no! Hayley, don’t! I don’t like her. There is no need to be jealous.” 

Hayley laughed and shook her head. “I’m not jealous.” She explained. “Just trying to figure out why she would laugh at your lame jokes.” She teased. Josh stuck his tongue out in response and helped smooth out a paper tablecloth. “Besides, Kelly’s married and loves her husband very much.”

“Oh…” Josh said.   

“And, her husband is 10 times hotter than you are…” Hayley added jokingly. Josh gasped and put his hands on his hips for show. 

“Guess I’ll have to pick Ethan up shirtless next time and see what she thinks.” He shrugged. Hayley rolled her eyes and dragged Josh outside where the kids were playing.

“Josh! Hey!” Taylor called. “Over here.”

“See you later.” Josh said to Hayley. He kissed her cheek and jogged off toward Zac, Taylor and Jeremy. 

“Beer?” Jeremy asked, holding out a bottle. Josh took it and took a rather large gulp thankfully. He had dealt with a stressed out Hayley all morning and he was ready to relax a bit. 

“Drinking at a three-year-old’s birthday party? Really?” Emily asked as she walked past. Zac pulled her toward him and put an arm around her protectively. 

“We’re not getting drunk.” Jeremy pointed out. “What else is there for us guys to do at this party?” 

“I’m only teasing.” Emily laughed. “Alright, well, I’ll leave you to it. I was just passing by on my way to the bathroom. Being pregnant is oh so much fun…” She said sarcastically. 

“It’ll be worth it in the end.” Zac smiled. He kissed his wife before she headed into the house.

“There’s an accident waiting to happen.” Taylor frowned. He nodded toward a tree with rather large roots in the backyard. Ethan was running around it, chasing his friend Catherine. 

Sure enough, the toddler tripped over the tree’s roots and fell, hitting the tree pretty hard on his way down. Josh’s heart stopped as he watched, he knew Ethan would be ok, it was only a minor fall, but panic set in anyway. 

After a few seconds of shock, and trying to figure out what had happened, Ethan’s cries filled the air. Josh was already halfway to him when the cries reached everyone’s ears. 

“Ethan! Hey, you’re ok!” Josh soothed, scooping his son up into his arms. He inspected Ethan carefully before pulling him close in a hug. “You’re ok.” The toddler had a small scrape on his cheek, and a shallow cut on his elbow but other than that, he looked fine. 

“I want my mommyyyy!” Ethan wailed. 

“It’s ok, Daddy’s here. I’ve got you.” Josh whispered. 

“M-momm-myyyy!” Ethan cried. 

“Mommy’s coming.” Josh assured. Ethan blubbered into Josh’s chest while Josh rubbed his back and soothed him the best he could. 

“Look at you!” Josh smiled, pulling Ethan away to inspect the scrape and cut once more. “You’re a tough guy now.” Ethan cocked his head to the side and looked at Josh curiously. 

“H-huh?” Ethan asked. 

“You’re a tough guy! You have a scrape.” Josh replied. Ethan wiped his eyes and smiled faintly. 

“Tough guy.” He repeated quietly. 

“Very tough.” Josh informed as Hayley finally came over with antibacterial wipes and bandages. Josh shooed Hayley away and cleaned Ethan’s scrape up on his own. He was determined to be a hands-on dad. 

“There, all better.” He smiled when he was satisfied with his cleaning job. He kissed Ethan’s forehead and patted his back lightly. Ethan ran to Hayley for a hug and she wiped the remaining tears from his eyes. 

“Why don’t you go show your friends how tough you are!” Josh said encouragingly. Ethan smiled, puffed out his chest a bit, and ran off happily.

“Thanks.” Hayley sighed. She rested her head on his chest lightly and he wrapped his arms around her. 

“No problem.” Josh smiled. 

“You’re like, superdad.” She smiled. Josh shook his head and laughed.  “Seriously!” She continued. “You were already there before he even knew what had happened.” Josh shrugged, and smiled to himself. 

“We should get back to the party.” He suggested. Hayley nodded and kissed him softly. 

“Sorry about that.” Josh apologized when he got back to the guys. 

“No problem.” Jeremy smiled. “Duty calls.” 

“Dude… he looks so much like you did when you were a kid.” Zac said quietly as the guys watched Ethan and his friends play. Josh smiled proudly and nodded. 

“You know what amazes me?” Taylor said after a few moments of comfortable silence. “You went from ‘everyday guy’ to ‘Dad’ so quickly.” He said, looking at Josh. “And you did it so naturally and so well! I mean… for just jumping in like you did. That’s hard, dude. You’re doing a good job.” He finished with a smile. 

“He’s doing a great job.” Jeremy corrected. “Being a Dad is hard.” 

Josh forced a smile and nodded. Recently, it had really been bothering him that he had just… jumped in, as Taylor had said. He regretted not being there for Hayley and Ethan from the moment his son was born every single day. 

He hated that he’d missed out on so many firsts in Ethan’s life. He hated that he’d missed out on the pregnancy. He hated that he wasn’t there when Ethan was born. He didn’t even know what time his son was born, or his length and weight! All things a Dad should know.

He hated that he still didn’t know absolutely everything about his son that Hayley knew. What he liked, what he didn’t like, the stories he told, his previous encounters with friends… He hadn’t been there for those cute and funny stories that Hayley enjoyed telling so much about when Ethan had been a baby. 

He certainly learned a little more each day, and he was eternally grateful that he was able to be there and experience life with Ethan now, but that didn’t change the fact that he and Hayley had both been too stubborn for him to be there in the past. He wished, more than anything, that he could go back in time and make things right. 

“Hey, Josh…” Zac said quietly. “You’re here now. Things are working out pretty good. Don’t ruin it by wanting to change the past.” Zac always seemed to know what his brother was thinking. Josh both hated and loved him for it. 

As much as he still wanted to take things back, he knew Zac was right. There was no way of knowing what would have happened if he had stayed with Hayley that night she had told him she was pregnant. Maybe they wouldn’t have lasted as a couple at all. Maybe he would be in a worse position than he was in today if he and Hayley had stayed together. All things considered, he was in a pretty good place. Leading a very happy life. 

But he just couldn’t seem to silence that regret…

“Time for cake!” Hayley’s mother called from inside the house. 

“Oh boy… here we go!” Jeremy groaned. “Everyone take an Advil? It’s about to get loud.” 

~*~

An hour later, Josh swore to himself that he would never let three year olds eat cake again. They were an insane bunch of people when sugar was running through their little veins…

“You know, I’m really proud of you, Josh.” Zac smiled as he watched his brother smooth-talk two children into sharing a toy without either one throwing a tantrum. “You’ve got this father thing down.” 

“Ha!” Josh replied sarcastically. “Yeah right.” 

“I can’t wait to be a Dad…” Zac sighed with a smile. 

“Won’t be long now!” Josh replied distractedly. “Ethan Joshua!” He yelled suddenly. Ethan looked up and grinned mischievously. He was standing in front of the kitchen wall, frosting-covered hand outstretched toward the nice clean cream-colored wall. 

“Ethan!” Hayley warned, as she spotted her son as well. “If you don’t stop right now, everyone will have to go home.” 

Her bribe came too late, as Ethan’s hand made contact with the wall, leaving a small blue handprint behind to match a few squiggles he’d already made before Josh had noticed. Josh sighed and grabbed some kitchen towel to clean up the mess while Hayley pulled Ethan away from the wall and scolded him. 

“Josh, will you go get the you-know-what?” Hayley mumbled quietly. “I think it’s time to wrap things up.”

“Are you sure we want to give it to him after he’s just colored the walls?” Josh asked. 

“People are looking like they’re ready to leave and the kids will be coming off their sugar-highs pretty soon. Better get it done before the good-byes.” Hayley explained. Josh shrugged and walked toward the front door. 

“Ethan, why don’t we go outside for a bit?” Hayley suggested after she’d given Josh five minutes to prepare. 

“No.” Ethan replied. He was too preoccupied with his new toy racetrack to want to move. 

“Daddy wants to show you something cool.” Hayley bribed. Ethan looked up and shrugged. 

“Yes.” He decided. “Less go. Hold me!” Hayley laughed and picked Ethan up while she and the other parents shepherded the children back outside. 

“Whoa!” One of the other kids gasped as he walked out the door. Ethan furrowed his eyebrows and wiggled his way down to the floor so he could run outside. 

There, in the middle of the driveway, was Josh with a video camera and a shiny new red tricycle. Ethan’s eyes went wide and he looked up to Hayley, trying to figure out whose cool bike was sitting next to Daddy. 

“That’s for you, EJ.” Hayley smiled. “Go see it!”  Ethan shrieked and ran toward the bike happily. He squatted down next to it, to inspect and touched it lightly with his fingers, as if was afraid it would crumble if he put too much pressure on it.

“What do you think, buddy?” Josh asked. He handed the camera to Hayley and set Ethan on the bike seat. 

“For me?” Ethan asked in astonishment. Hayley giggled from behind the camera and Josh nodded. 

“It’s all yours.” He smiled. 

“Whoa!” Ethan gasped. He put his feet on the ground and began pushing himself forward. 

“Eth, you have to put your feet on the pedals.” Josh explained with a laugh. He stopped the toddler and helped him get his feet in the right place. “Now, push your legs.” He guided. Ethan giggled in excitement as the bike began to move without his feet on the ground. Josh walked alongside Ethan as he rode slowly down the driveway, helping him avoid cars as he went. 

“No Dada!” Ethan said, slapping Josh’s hand as he helped his son turn the handlebars. “I do.” He added. After a few tries, he seemed to get the hand of minor turns and before long, he was speeding along the driveway. 

“Josh!” Hayley gasped as Ethan sped straight toward Josh’s parked car. “He doesn’t know how to stop!” 

“Shit.” Josh muttered under his breath. He ran after the toddler and grabbed hold of the back of the bike just before Ethan slammed into the car. 

“Nice save!” Jeremy called from the grass. Josh took a mini-bow, keeping one hand firmly on the bike in case Ethan decided to pedal forward once more. 

Ethan craned his head over his shoulder to look at Josh. “Help Dada.” He said. Josh laughed and turned the bike, and Ethan, around. He gently grabbed Ethan’s legs and pushed them backwards, showing him how to use the brakes. 

“Jeez, he’s a fast learner…” Sarah noted. 

“He’s always been quick to catch on.” Hayley added. Josh forced a smile and scratched the back of his neck. 

There was another thing he didn’t know. He could easily see that Ethan was a very smart kid, but he hadn’t been there to see what things Ethan had caught on to so quickly. Was it walking? Talking? He had no idea.

“Now, Ethan, you can only use this in the driveway, ok?” Hayley instructed. “Don’t go in the street. Do you understand me?” She asked. 

“Uh huh!” Ethan called. He was already halfway down the driveway before Hayley even finished talking. The toddler stopped short in front of Catherine, whom he had seemed to develop quite the crush on, and grinned. 

“Well, he figured out the brakes.” Sarah laughed. 

“Gotta stop for the ladies.” Zac joked. 

“Look what I got Cafwin!” Ethan bragged to the little girl. Catherine grinned in admiration and examined the new toy.

“Ah, young love…” Taylor smiled. 

“Don’t you dare!” Hayley warned. “He is too young!” 

“Don’t worry babe, girls will catch cooties pretty soon.” Josh explained. Hayley rolled her eyes and rested her head on Josh’s shoulder. 

“Do I have cooties?” She asked with a smirk.

“Mmhmm.” Josh replied. “Lucky for you, Ethan’s immune and I’m too addicted to care.” He added. 

“Oh, really?” Hayley laughed. Josh grinned broadly, causing Hayley to roll her eyes and hug him. 

“You really did a great job with this party, by the way.” Josh noted as he looked around. The kids were running around the front yard happily, or admiring Ethan’s new bike. There hadn’t been one tantrum from any of the children, and, besides Ethan’s mishap, there had been no crying or injuries.

“I think it went well. Thanks for the help.” She replied. “Glad its only once a year though.” She was completely exhausted. 

Josh chuckled and nodded in agreement. “I’ll go grab the goodie-bags for the other kids and see if we can’t wrap this party up. Then we can relax.” 

“Sounds amazing.” Hayley sighed tiredly. “Thank you, Josh.” 

Seriously though... I just sat here and stared at the computer screen for about 3 minutes going O.O before I even thought to try 'paste' hahaha. Go me!

For anyone who was wondering, the Paramore show in Boston was SO FREAKING AWESOME! I got about seven rows back from the barrier. Wish I could've been closer! The Swellers were amaaaaaazing, they're playing at a supersmall venue in Boston next month, but I can't go because of school :'( Paper Route's set was so freaking good, I can't wait to see them play again someday. And Paramore... just incredible. I can't even explain how awesome they were, haha. It was so much fun! :)

Edit: Buzznet is throwing a shitfit about the formatting this time around. Sorry if there are weird breaks between paragraphs in the chapter or if there are no breaks between paragraphs at all. I'm woring on fixing it, haha.

The beginning is on the ‘M’ side of ratings. You were warned. [There is a method to my madness, I promise. ;) ]

Pretty sure I missed some spelling/grammar on this one... hah sorry.

And this chapter is dedicated to maystar234 because ...well we had a deal... Haha. She kept up her end, so I kept up mine! Haha. (Long story. basically, see: http://maystar234.buzznet.com/user/journal/4699091/more-courage-than/) hahaha.

“That was an excellent meal, thank you.” Hayley smiled as Josh turned the car down their street.

“I’m glad you had a good time.” Josh mumbled. Hayley giggled and ran her fingers through Josh’s hair.

“Hey, you were in the restroom a long time! That waiter didn’t know I wasn’t dining alone. You can’t blame him for hitting on me.” She teased.

“I was trying to get the wine out of my shirt!” He defended.

“I know babe.” Hayley laughed. Josh smiled and turned into the driveway. As he put the car in park, Hayley looked over and her breath caught in her throat.

Josh unbuckled his seatbelt and turned to open his car door but froze just as his fingers touched the cool metal of the door handle. “Hayley!” He gasped. Her nails were digging into his thigh gently. He turned slowly and lost his breath when he saw the look on her face. She looked beautiful in the moonlight. Her moist lips were parted slightly and her eyes were full of desire.

Without warning he lunged forward, mashing his lips against hers frantically. He didn’t know what had come over them, but he knew he needed to be near her. She moaned and tangled her fingers in his hair as he slipped his tongue past her lips. Hayley crawled over to his side of the car, gasping in pain along the way when her leg came in contact with the stick shift. Josh rubbed her leg soothingly and pulled her into his lap so she was straddling his hips. She hovered above him for a few seconds, enjoying the feeling of power she held, and kissed him hard on the mouth.

Josh pushed her away gently and began nipping at Hayley’s neck. She let her head fall back, and shut her eyes as his teeth bit at her throat. “Josh!” She whispered as he pulled away. She pressed him against the seat and began kissing her way along his jaw line. His hands slid the thin straps of her dress off her shoulders and he ran his fingers along the smooth silk dress, down her sides.

Hayley pulled at Josh’s shirt, untucking it from his pants, and slid her hands underneath it. Josh groaned loudly at the sensation of her cool hands on his warm skin and slid his hand up to cup her breast. Hayley smiled into their kiss and began fumbling with the button of his pants.

“No, no!” Josh gasped breathlessly. He placed his hands over hers to stop her and cleared his throat. “The babysitter is waiting inside. She has to have heard us pull in.”

“Josh, we’re paying her more than we pay Ethan’s day care provider. She can wait fifteen more minutes.” Hayley replied. She kissed his neck gently and ran her hands along his sides. “If she asks, which she wont, we went for a walk.” Josh opened his mouth to object, but was instantly silenced when Hayley dug her hips into his persuasively.

He placed his hands on her hips and pulled her toward his body roughly. Hayley smiled and kissed him slowly… teasingly almost. He reached around to the back of her dress and slowly inched the metal zipper down her back. Hayley bit his lip, sending a delightful wave of pain through his body, and began unbuttoning his shirt slowly.

Each kiss they shared felt incredible. There was so much passion behind each one. Every time their lips met, sparks went off. Hayley didn’t know how much longer she would be able to handle it.

Just as Josh pulled a hairclip out of Hayley’s hair, allowing her hair to spill down onto her shoulders, the sharp yap of the neighbors dog interrupted them. Hayley’s head snapped up and she looked out the car window. There, at the end of the driveway, was their neighbor, giving his dog a walk. The neighbor didn’t seem to see the two in the car, but the dog definitely did.

“Damn dog.” Hayley muttered.

“We really should get inside anyway.” Josh frowned. Hayley sighed and nodded reluctantly. She slid back into her seat and pulled her hair back into a bun.

“Will you zip me up again?” She asked, turning her back to Josh. He smiled and zipped up the dress before buttoning up his own shirt and smoothing it out.

“How do I look?” He asked, after running his fingers through his mussed up hair.

“Hot as hell.” Hayley replied honestly.

“Same to you.” Josh replied. “Come on, let’s get inside.” He stepped out of the car and pulled Hayley’s door open for her. She giggled and nodded downward as he helped her out of the car. He blushed slightly and shoved his hands in his pockets as they walked up to the house.

“Hello!” Hayley called as they walked through the door.

“Oh, Hi! I didn’t even hear you pull in!” Marissa - Ethan’s babysitter - replied from the living room. Hayley raised an eyebrow at Josh and led the way to the living room.

“How was he?” Hayley asked, referring to Ethan.

“Oh, he was fine.” Marissa replied with a smile. “We had fun.” Marissa was a sweet sixteen-year-old girl who lived a few houses down the street and was the go-to neighborhood babysitter.

“I’m gonna go check in on Eth and head to bed.” Josh said, excusing himself as quickly as he could. “Goodnight Marissa, thanks for watching the little devil.”

“Do you need a ride home?” Hayley asked as she pulled out some cash from her purse.

“No, it’s only a few houses down, I’m fine to walk.” Marissa replied. “Thank you.” She added when Hayley handed over the money.

“No, thank you!” Hayley smiled. “I hope he behaved for you.”

“He was fine, really.” Marissa smiled. “Great kid. He didn’t cry once.”

“It’s a miracle!” Hayley joked. “Well, thanks again, we’ll get in contact with you in the future about babysitting if you’re willing.”

“Definitely. He’s adorable!” Marissa smiled. “Goodbye.”

Hayley locked the door after Marissa and headed upstairs for the night. She poked her head into Ethan’s room quickly and smiled at the toddler, who was fast asleep in the racecar bed he loved so much. She shut the door quietly and headed for her bedroom, grinning as she heard the shower running.

Josh had already managed to light a few candles in the bedroom and turn the light off, providing a semi-romantic atmosphere. Hayley rolled her eyes and unzipped her dress, letting it fall to the floor. She slipped into the master bathroom as quietly as she could and pulled back the shower curtain. Josh’s back was to her, if he had any idea she was in the room, he was hiding it very well.

She stepped into the shower carefully and slid her hand around his bare waist. She felt his skin erupt in goose bumps, despite the warm water that splashed over his tanned skin, and he sighed happily. “Took you long enough.” He whispered. He turned around and pressed Hayley against the shower wall. Before Hayley could reply, his lips were on hers.

~*~

The following day, Hayley, Josh and Ethan decided to have a lazy morning. Ethan nestled himself between his parents and demanded that cartoons be put on the television in the room.

“Bless you!” Hayley said after Ethan sneezed loudly.

“Tissue Daddy.” Ethan demanded. Josh smiled and sat up to get a tissue from the bedside table. Ethan grinned and rolled over so his whole body covered Josh’s pillow.

“Hey!” Josh laughed as tried to lie back down.

“My pillow” Ethan announced.

“This kid has plans!” Hayley said, laughing in amusement.

“Hmm, my pillow seems kinda lumpy…” Josh said with a frown as he laid his head gently on Ethan, using the toddler as his pillow. “I wonder why it’s so bumpy?”

“Etan stuck, no Daddy!” Ethan groaned. Josh propped himself up on his elbow and twisted around to look at his son.

“Uh oh!” Hayley gasped, looking at Josh’s hand. “Ethan! What’s that?” Ethan looked down and grinned. Josh had his hand held out, inching ever closer to Ethan. He was pointing at the toddler, and wiggling his pointer finger slowly.

“What is it, Eth?” Josh asked. Ethan shook his head and pulled his arms close to his ch est. “What is it?” Josh encouraged.

“Calafownia tickle monsta.” Ethan said quietly, shutting his eyes tight.

“Oh no!” Josh and Hayley cried together. Josh lunged for Ethan and began tickling the poor toddler relentlessly.

“Da-Dada!” Ethan shrieked. “N-nooooo! Sto-op!”

“Momma! Help!” Josh said. Hayley laughed and began tickling Josh.

“Hey!” Josh yelped. “That’s not how this works!” he gasped. Ethan grinned and took advantage of the fact that Josh was no longer tickling him. He slid off the bed and ran to the door, away from Dad.

“Ethan! Help me!” Hayley gasped. Josh had flipped her onto her back and had begun ticking her. Ethan shrieked and ran back to the bed.

“I save you!” He said proudly. He pulled himself onto the bed and climbed onto Josh’s back. “Stop it, Dada!” He demanded. “No tickles!”

“No tickles?” Josh asked, disappointed.

“No.” Ethan said sternly. “You have enough fowa today.” He added, crossing his arms.

“Where does he learn these things?” Josh mumbled with a laugh. Hayley smiled and slid out of bed.

“Alright my boys, we have a lot to do today.” She said. “We have to go shopping for someone’s birthday party!”

“Pongebob!” Ethan gasped excitedly. “Less go!”

~*~

“BOO!” Josh yelped, jumping into Hayley and Ethan’s path at the party supply store they were in. Ethan screeched in fright and then giggled when he realized it was his father behind those scary glasses with the fake nose and mustache.

“What do you think?” Josh asked, looking at Hayley. “Mustache make me look sexy?”

Hayley smiled and kissed him quickly on the lips. “Take ‘em off. And watch what you say, you know EJ is repeating everything.”

“Take it off dada!” Ethan chimed in. Josh smiled and took the disguise off, placing the glasses on Ethan instead.

“Now Ethan with a mustache…” Hayley smiled. “That’s not half bad.” She teased.

“Mustatch make me look se-“

“Cute!” Hayley said quickly, cutting Ethan off. “Cute is the word you’re looking for EJ.” Ethan looked up to his mother, confused. Josh turned away quickly, focusing on a package of princess themed napkins to cover his laugh.

“Alright, come on Daddy, time to grow up.” Hayley said, rolling her eyes and pushing the cart down the aisle.

“Yeah Daddy, gow UP!” Ethan barked.

“What? Like you?” Josh asked. “Are you a grown up?” Ethan crossed his arms and nodded.

“I tree.” He said, arms still crossed and nose pointed into the air arrogantly.

“You’re not three yet, buddy.” Josh laughed. He ruffled Ethan’s hair and grabbed a package of Spongebob paper plates. “Still have a week to go.”

As Hayley pushed the cart further into the store, Ethan’s eyes went wide and he pointed to the ceiling. “PATWICK!” He yelled excitedly. Hayley and Josh looked up to see a Patrick Star character piñata. “Momma! Pweese?”

“Ask Daddy.” Hayley smiled.

“Dada! Dada pweeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeese!” Ethan asked with a pout.

“Hmm…” Josh said, pursing his lips. “I dunno Eth…” He teased. Of course he was planning on saying yes, but it was slightly entertaining to see Ethan squirm.

“Daaaaaadaaaaaaa!” The toddler groaned.

Hayley walked over and placed her arm around Josh’s waist, scratching his back lightly and resting her head on Josh’s shoulder. “Come on Daddy, Ethan’s gonna be three.” She giggled. Josh’s eyes fluttered shut as Hayley’s hand traced small patterns on his back and he smiled.

“Alright.” He agreed. Ethan smiled and began bouncing in excitement.

“What do you say?” Hayley asked.

“Tank you Dada!” Ethan said happily.

“You’re welcome Eth.” Josh smiled. “Alright, lets get this stuff home before we buy the whole store.” 

Like I said, there is a method to my madness. teehee. I'm sure some of you will catch on pretty quickly.

I'm curious, what do you all think is going to happen before this story ends?? Or what would you like to have happen before it ends?

I have a pretty solid idea about how things are going to go, but there's always room for more! :)

PARAMORE TOMORROW!!! WOOHOOOOOOOOOOO! :D:D:D

Not a whooooole lot going on in this chapter…

Thinking about wrapping this story up soon, haha. Sorry! I think there will definitely be some Ethan-themed one shots in the future though :)

Lainy looked up from her spot on a park bench and scowled. Watching her ex-fiancée and the woman he’d had a child with, playing with their son was not what she had in mind when she thought she’d eat her lunch outside for a change.

They hadn’t spotted her yet, and she wanted to keep it that way for as long as humanly possible, but perhaps she could use this little run-in to her advantage. The look on Hayley’s face last time, when she saw that Lainy was pregnant, had been priceless.

“Millie! Get back here!” Josh called with a laugh. “Sorry, sir.” He apologized to a nearby stranger. “Millie, you can’t just go running off like that! It’s rude.” Josh scolded lightly. “I’ll have to keep you on your leash. Is that what you want?” He asked, scratching the dog’s head. “No, I don’t think it is! No I don’t!”

Lainy rolled her eyes and began packing up her lunch. If she stuck around here much longer, she might vomit, and not because her gag reflex was especially heightened these days due to her pregnancy. She stood up and turned in the direction of her car, but stopped when she heard Hayley talking to Ethan. Well… maybe she could have a little fun before she left…

“Excuse me.” She said arrogantly as she shoved by Josh.

“Oh, sorry.” Josh replied as he eased out of the way. “L…Lainy?” He stuttered.

“Josh! Oh hi!” She greeted. She plastered a phony smile on her face and hugged him. “I didn’t realize that was you! Wow… you have a… dog.” She said, curling her lip.

“Yeah, Millie.” Josh said excitedly. “Hayley and Zac got her for me for Christmas.” He bent over and stroked his hand across Millie’s back proudly. “So… the rumor is true, you’re really pregnant…” He noted.

“Oh, yeah.” Lainy smiled, running a hand along her stomach.

“Tell Landon I said congrats.” Josh said, flashing a quick smile.

“Landon?” Lainy scoffed.

“What, is he not the father?” Josh asked with a shrug.

“I’m six months pregnant, Josh.” Lainy replied with a confidant smile.

“Oh, well, thanks for cheating then.” Josh shot back with a cocky smile. “I’m sure Landon was happy to hear you cheated on him as well.”

“What makes you so sure it isn’t yours?” Lainy asked, crossing her arms.

Josh chuckled quietly to himself. “Oh, come on, you and I both know it isn’t mine.” Lainy glared at him but didn’t reply.

“Hello!” Hayley called as she hurried over with Ethan in her arms. As soon as she had seen Josh talking to Lainy, her blood had begun to boil.

“So, if it’s not mine, and it’s not Landon’s, who’s the lucky guy?” Josh asked.

Lainy sighed and rolled her eyes. “It’s Landon’s.” She admitted.

“Hey babe.” Josh smiled as Hayley finally made it over. He slipped his arm around her waist and kissed her cheek lightly.

“You’re… you two… are together?” Lainy spat.

“Oh, you didn’t know?” Josh grinned. “Yeah, we just bought a house not too long ago.” Lainy stood in shock, mouth hung open.

“I see.” She muttered quietly. “Well, you’ll have to give me your address so I can send along a wedding invitation.” She shot back.

“You and Landon are getting married?” Josh asked curiously. Lainy smiled and raised an eyebrow.

“Nice ring!” Hayley said, grinning broadly. Lainy quickly hid her hand in her hair, pretending to scratch her neck. “Blends in nicely with your skin tone. Must have cost him a lot to make it look so see-through.”

Josh couldn’t help but laugh as he saw Lainy’s face go bright red. “Uh, the ring… is being resized…” Lainy stumbled.

“Ah, well, congratulations then. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I have to get back to my family.” Josh said. He pressed his fingers into the small of Hayley’s back and guided her away from a still shocked Lainy. Better to quit while they were ahead.

“Baby!” Ethan said happily, looking over Hayley’s shoulder and pointing to Lainy’s stomach.

“That’s right, she’s got a baby growing in her, just like auntie Sarah did.” Hayley praised.

“I see.” Ethan demanded. He began squirming around in Hayley’s arms, trying to get loose.

“No EJ, you can’t see the baby.” Josh replied. “It’s not ready yet.” Ethan pouted but was soon distracted by Millie as the dog made a break for the car.

“Milliepuppy!” Ethan screeched excitedly. Hayley laughed and set Ethan on the ground so he could run after the dog. The two had become best friends, though Millie was still deeply loyal to Josh. Millie slept on the floor next to Josh’s side of the bed every night, and whined like crazy if she was forced to sleep downstairs.

Josh smiled as he watched Ethan and Millie play in the grass. He felt so lucky. Life was good. He had a perfect son, a perfect wife, a nice house, a playful pupp… wait… wife? Had he really just thought of Hayley as his wife? His grin widened at the idea.

~*~

“How long?” Ethan asked when Hayley sat him down to a breakfast of blueberries and oatmeal a few days later.

“How long what?” Josh asked tiredly.

“19 days.” Hayley replied with a smile.

“19 days what?” Josh asked again.

“Buffday!” Ethan grinned.

“I was asking Ethan what he wanted for his birthday when we were getting him dressed.” Hayley explained.

“Bone fowa Milliepuppy!” Ethan shouted. Josh laughed and stumbled to the coffee maker for some liquid energy.

“Anything else?” Josh asked.

“No.” Ethan replied.

“I’m sure you’ll think of something.” Hayley sighed knowingly. “We have to start thinking about the party…”

“Hayley, it’s like, three weeks away.” Josh scoffed.

“Yeah! Time to get things started. We have to pick a day, let other parents know so they can clear their schedules, pick a theme, buy everything…”

“Shhh!” Josh interrupted, waiving his arms about. “Too early in the morning. And in life! Hayles, he’s going to be three…”

“Yes! That’s an exciting age!” Hayley replied. “Isn’t it?” She asked, turning to her son.

“Etan gonna be tree!” Ethan grinned proudly, turning his attention away from his bowl of blueberries.

“You’re gonna be a tree huh?” Josh asked.

“Nooooo Dada,” Ethan said seriously, “I gonna be tree.” He said, holding out three fingers.

“Oh, three!” Josh said, eyes wide. He looked down at Ethan’s fingers, which were covered in sticky juice from blueberries Ethan had squished in his tiny hands. “Hmm… those look like yummy fingers!” He said. “I think I might have to try one.” He opened his mouth and moved closer to his son.

“Daddy!” Ethan shrieked. He laughed and pulled his hand away before Josh could pretend to eat his fingers.

“I bet they’re really yummy!” Josh said. Ethan frowned and looked at his fingers. He stuck one finger in his mouth and smiled.

“I’m guessing you taste like… corn!” Josh guessed.

Ethan giggled and shook his head. “Taste like baloo-bawwies” He informed, sticking the rest of his fingers in his mouth to lick off the sticky juice

“Great, now he’ll have his fingers in his mouth all week.” Hayley mumbled.

“Hey, just trying to make cleanup a little easier.” Josh replied with a smile. He kissed Hayley quickly and turned to his breakfast.

“What kind of birthday party do you want, Eth?” Hayley asked.

“Chebsbooger!” Ethan replied.

“You can’t have a cheeseburger birthday, silly!” She replied with a laugh.

“How about a Elmo party.” Josh suggested.

“No.” Ethan replied shortly. He twisted his head from side to side, thinking. “Pongebob.” He decided finally.

Josh smiled, thinking back to the days when Hayley was nicknamed ‘Spongebob’. She had certainly grown in to her teeth since then, though the gap would never fully go away.

“Spongebob it is.” Josh decided. “And we’ll have it the Saturday after his birthday. There, half the work is already done.”

Hayley rolled her eyes. “We should have it Sunday afternoon. Then there’s more time to clean up and set up on Saturday.”

“Alright, you do the planning.” Josh said with a yawn. “Just tell me where and when and how I can help.”

“That’s what she said.” Hayley giggled.

“Dass what she says!” Ethan repeated.

“Oh crap…”

Next chapter is written, but it needs major editing (though some people think it's fine the way it is... xD) and it needs an end... hah. Anyway, it should be up within the next few days.

Not my best work, kinda choppy at times… but lots of cute Ethan-ness! ^.^

Hayley furrowed her eyebrows and her ears perked up as she heard something in the living room. “Eth?” She called out when she heard the strange clomping noise once more. “What are you doing, babe?”

“I be Dada!” Ethan replied. Hayley frowned and walked toward the living room to see what trouble her son had gotten himself into.

“You’re being Daddy, huh?” Hayley asked. Ethan nodded and grinned widely. He was standing in the middle of the living room, wearing a pair of Josh’s Vans shoes. He took a few stumbling steps toward Hayley and nearly fell over the big shoes. “Daddy has big feet, doesn’t he?” Hayley asked.

“Yes!” Ethan replied with wide eyes and a definitive nod.

“You know, if you’re going to be Daddy, you need a Daddy shirt.” Hayley pointed out. Ethan jumped up and down eagerly and nodded. Hayley laughed and ran up to her bedroom quickly to grab one of Josh’s shirts.

Ten minutes later, Ethan was in one of Josh’s old band t-shirts, which looked more like a dress on the two year old than a t-shirt, and one of the neck ties Josh wore every day to work.

“I Daddy!” Ethan grinned, once he was fully decked out.

“What are you going to do, if you’re Daddy?” Hayley asked, encouraging her son to play the part.

Ethan pointed around the room. “Teach, teach, teach!” He lectured. “Momma, help.” He frowned, pointing to his shoes as he tried walking. He had traded the Vans for a pair of Josh’s dress shoes, because they were shinier and therefore much cooler to a two year old. Hayley pulled him into her lap to tie the shoelaces so he wouldn’t trip as much.

“Do you know what else Daddy does?” She asked, leaning over his shoulder to finish tying the shoes.

“He pays with Etan and Momma and Milliepuppy.” Ethan replied. Hayley smiled to herself and kissed the side of Ethan’s head.

“Yes, he does, but he also plays guitar.” Hayley informed.

“No, Momma pays geetaw.” Ethan replied.

“Daddy plays guitar better than Momma does.” Hayley smiled.

Ethan frowned and looked up at Hayley. “Momma pays geetaw!” He said forcefully.

“Daddy will have to play for you, wont he?” Hayley laughed. It didn’t surprise her that Ethan didn’t understand that Josh could play guitar too. The toddler had never seen his father play. “Why don’t we see if we can find some video’s of Daddy?”

~*~

“I’m home!” Josh called as he entered the house. He wasn’t really sure what to expect when he came home, he and Hayley had never officially made up from their fight the previous night, but they loved each other and, for the most part, they were happy together, and that was all that really mattered. Tonight would be the first time Ethan was back at the house, and he was really hoping that he wouldn’t have to sleep in the guest room again.

“Hayley?” He called out, confused when she didn’t reply. “Ethan?”

“Upstairs!” Hayley’s voice answered. It was then that Josh heard music blasting from his bedroom. Wait… was that Misery Business? He raised his eyebrow curiously and walked up the stairs.

“Dada!” Ethan yelped as Josh pushed the bedroom door open. Josh smiled instantly and let out a booming laugh.

“I be Daddy!” Ethan smiled, puffing out his chest proudly. He was still wearing Josh’s shirt, tie and shoes and he was holding a plastic guitar.

“Show Daddy what you learned.” Hayley encouraged. Ethan looked at Hayley for a few seconds, before jumping away and rocking out to the music that played. He jumped up and down, banging on the plastic guitar, and bobbed his head along to the music.

“Juss wash my widest teams come to. Not one often HEY JOSS!” He yelled.

“Lyrics could use some work.” Hayley giggled. She looked up to Josh and her heart swelled. He was beaming. His eyes were locked on Ethan and he looked so incredibly proud. Hayley stood up and walked to his side, wrapping her tiny arm around his waist.

“We have a musician on our hands, huh?” Hayley asked quietly as she and Josh watched Ethan dance along to the rest of the song. Josh nodded and pulled Hayley close to him. She rested her head on his shoulder and shut her eyes happily.

“Momma! Pay feel da pwessa!” Ethan demanded once Misery business had come to an end.

“He’s been listening all day. Pressure seems to be his favorite.” Hayley explained. Josh walked to the laptop quickly and switched the song to Pressure so he could watch Ethan rock out again.

Later that night, Josh grabbed his acoustic guitar from the office and brought it into the living room to play for Ethan. Hayley had never seen her son sit still for so long. He was completely enthralled by the music Josh was playing.

“Pwessa!” Ethan demanded for the fifth time when Josh finished playing.

“I think Daddy is getting tired of Pressure, sweetie.” Hayley said. She sat on the couch next to Josh and rested her head on Josh’s shoulder.

“I think Daddy is about done for the night, actually.” Josh added with a yawn. “My fingers hurt.”

“Aww.” Hayley frowned. She took his left hand into her hands and gently kissed his fingers with a faint smile. Josh grinned and leaned back into the couch.

“Again, Daddy!” Ethan demanded. “Pease?”

“Daddy’s done Eth.” Hayley said. Ethan pouted and gave her the ‘I’m going to throw a tantrum’ look.

“Ethan…” Hayley said warningly. “If you can’t be a good boy you’ll have to go to bed with no bedtime story.”

“I have an idea.” Josh interrupted. “I’ll play one more song, but only if Mommy sings with me.” Ethan’s eyes lit up and he nodded.

“Josh…” Hayley sighed. She hated it when he overrode her.

“Just one Hayley.” He said quietly. “I miss playing along to you singing.” Hayley smiled faintly and looked at Ethan.

“Yeah Momma!” Ethan encouraged. “I be good!” Hayley laughed and reluctantly nodded.

“Alright, but only one song! Then it’s time for bed.” Hayley agreed. “Deal?” Ethan shook is head and pulled himself up into a chair to listen.

Josh tuned his guitar and Hayley smiled broadly as she recognized the familiar chords of My Heart. Ethan’s mouth hung open in wonderment as his mother began singing along with the guitar.

Through the song, both Hayley and Josh were taken back to their Paramore days. Hayley realized how much she missed being on the road and sharing a bus with four of her best friends. She looked at Josh and realized she missed this version of him. The passionate guitarist who kept to himself most of the time, but opened up to her.

She couldn’t seem to keep her eyes off of him as the song came to a climax. His eyes were shut lightly and his head bobbed along to the beat. He always got so into what he was playing… she was unexpectedly reminded that his obvious passion for the music he wrote had been one of the things that had made her fall in love with him all those years ago. 

He looked up at her and when their eyes locked, she felt herself fall in love all over again.

“Again!” Ethan demanded when the song was over. Hayley snapped back to reality and smiled. She suddenly didn’t miss the ‘old days’ anymore. She was once again reminded that she had Ethan now. And Josh. Sure, Ethan could be a handful, and Josh stressed her out, but she loved them nonetheless. They were a family. An odd family, but a family. And that made her happier than any show ever could.

“Agaaaain!” Ethan repeated angrily.

“No buddy, the deal was one more song, remember?” Josh asked.

“Noooo!” Ethan wailed. “Again!”

“Ethan, be a good boy please.” Hayley said. “If you can’t be good there’s no bedtime story.” She reminded. Ethan looked up at her, his eyes shiny with unshed tears. “You can listen again tomorrow.” She compromised.

“Noooo!” Ethan screeched, fat tears spilling down his cheeks.

“Alright, time for bed.” Josh sighed. Hayley nodded in agreement pulled a screaming Ethan into her arms.

“I’ll do it.” Josh said. “You’ve been dealing with him all day, why don’t you relax for a bit.”

“You sure?” Hayley asked. Josh nodded a reply and headed to the stairs with Ethan. “Thank you!” Hayley called after him.

She heard Ethan stop crying as soon as he got to his room, but heard him start up again, worse this time, moments later. Hayley felt bad for Josh, but she was also glad that she was missing out on one of Ethan’s outbursts.

“How’d it go?” She asked when Josh walked back down the stairs half an hour later. He grunted in reply and collapsed on the couch next to her.

“He wanted to play, I told him no, because it was time for bed. He didn’t like that so there was no bedtime story." Josh explained. "He didn’t like that either.” Hayley frowned in sympathy and rested her head on Josh’s shoulder.

“Please tell me I don’t have to sleep in the guest room again tonight.” Josh sighed.

“Of course not, I’ve decided I don’t like sleeping in a big cold bed.” Hayley replied. “You can be my heater tonight.” She added teasingly.

“Heater, huh?” He asked, raising an eyebrow with a smug smile.

“What is it with you boys and your dirty minds?” Hayley scowled. Josh laughed and put his arm around her.

“I’m kidding, Hayles.” He said.

“Yeah, yeah…” Hayley grumbled. “Whatever you say.”

“I say I go make popcorn and we catch up on The Office” Josh suggested.

“Sound amazing to me.” Hayley smiled. “I’ll get the popcorn though, you sit.”

As Hayley stood up and started to walk past him, Josh held his hand out to stop her. He motioned for her to come closer and kissed her softly. “Thanks Red.” He whispered. Hayley giggled and kissed him back slowly. The rush she felt when her lips met his would never get old. She loved moments like this.

Big thank you to Katie for the help! :) 

Ok, I really didn't mean to take this long between updates! So sorry! hah. 

Once again, this chapter was kinda thrown together at random, sorry for spelling/grammar. Let me know if something doesn't really make sense. There's a pretty good chance none of this will... haha.

I feel like I've missed something BIG in editing this chapter... haha. We'll find out, I guess! 

“Wow!” Josh repeated for what seemed like the thousandth time. “Lainy's pregnant? Lainy?! The spawn of the devil who cares more about work than kids?” He asked in astonishment.

“Oh, don’t pretend you didn’t know.” Hayley spat. Josh looked up at her, genuinely confused.

He gasped and stood up. “No, no, no! Hayley, no!” He started shaking his head and waiving his arms in front of him. “Hayley, it’s not my baby, I swear!”

Hayley scoffed and rolled her eyes. “Josh, she’s six months pregnant!”

“I know what it looks– wait, six months?” He said, curling his lip. “That bitch cheated on me!”

“Jesus Josh!” Hayley snapped. “Stop lying! Stop trying to make things better for yourself! If we’re going to be in a relationship you can’t hide things from me!”

“Hayley!” Josh begged. “Please! I’m not lying! I had no idea! And I promise you, it isn’t my baby.”

“You two had sex didn’t you?” Hayley asked, raising her eyebrow expectantly. Josh frowned and nodded slowly. “And you had sex within a month before you two broke up?” She asked. Once more, Josh nodded slowly. He felt like he was being told off. “Then how the fuck can you know it’s not yours?” Hayley finished with a yell.

“I didn’t-” Josh started.

“No, you know what? I really don’t want to hear it.” Hayley said calmly. “I’ve had enough of your shit.”

“Hayley! Listen to me!” Josh said, anger pumping through his veins. Why did she always have to be so quick to jump to conclusions? Why was it that she never let people explain before she ripped them apart? “Hayley, it is completely impossible for that baby to be mine!”

“You had sex with her!” Hayley yelled.

“We used a condom!” Josh yelled back.

“Condoms break!” Hayley pointed out. “How exactly do you think Ethan got here?”

“It is not my baby.” Josh said through gritted teeth.  “Please believe me.”

“I can’t Josh!” Hayley replied, tears stinging at her eyes. “I want to, but I can’t see how it’s not your baby! And…” She paused to take a steadying breath. “ And, I could have been ok with it, but you didn’t tell me!”

“Why do you think I knew?” Josh asked. His instincts were telling him to run to her and hug her, she looked so fragile with tears streaming down her face, but the fury he felt kept him rooted to the spot.

“S-she texted you.” Hayley answered. “That night at the restaurant.”

“What?” Josh asked, thinking back. “Oh! Oh, no! Hayley! She didn’t want to talk to me, she sent that message to the wrong person!” He fumbled for his phone and yanked it out of his pocket. “See!” He shoved it toward her, hands shaking. There, in his ‘messages’ section, was a text from Lainy, dated back to the day Hayley had seen her at the restaurant. Hayley felt hatred burn within her as she read Lainy’s name on her boyfriend’s phone, but continued to read the message. ‘Oops! Meant to send that to someone else. ;)’ Hayley frowned and looked up to Josh. Maybe she should let him explain after all…

“I-but…” She stuttered. “Why can’t it be yours?” She sighed, giving in. All she wanted to do was be angry with him, and she didn’t really know why. But it honestly seemed like he didn’t know about the baby at all, she may as well give him the chance to explain.

“Thank you.” Josh sighed. “Toward the end of our relationship, when Lainy and I had sex, I… just wasn’t into it…” He mumbled, blushing slightly.

“What?” Hayley asked, confused.

“I… faked it?” He tried. “For the last moth or two… whenever we… you know…”

“You…. faked what?” Hayley asked. Josh rolled his eyes.

“Hayley, I didn’t ever …finish.” He said quickly. “I pretended to so she’d back off and go away.” Hayley looked thoroughly confused. “I faked orgasms Hayley!” He yelled.

Hayley’s eyebrows shot up and her jaw dropped. “Oh! Oh wow…” She cocked her head to the side and looked at Josh curiously. “Guys… guys can do that?”

“Apparently, yes…” He mumbled. “Just, put on a show and hurry for a shower before she realizes… Lainy never really was all that smart…” Hayley bit her lip and turned away from Josh. He frowned and ran his fingers through his hair. Well, at least she wasn’t yelling anymore…

“Oh…wow…” Hayley whispered. Before Josh could reply, Hayley burst out into fits of giggles. “Seriously?!” She asked. Josh tried his best to keep a straight face and he nodded.

“S-she didn’t notice?” Hayley asked. She covered her mouth, trying to suppress laughter.

“Nope.” Josh replied, finally letting out a booming laugh.

“How?” Hayley asked.

“No idea.” He answered, laughing hard now. “I guess with the condom, she couldn’t tell the difference.”

“Ok, ok, we don’t have to talk about this anymore!” Hayley whined, placing her hands over her face. She didn’t like to think that Josh had been with another woman.

“So, you see?” Josh asked quietly. “It’s scientifically impossible for that baby to be mine.” Hayley frowned, debating whether or not she should believe him. She wanted to… and it wasn’t like Lainy had actually said it was Josh’s baby.

“Yeah, yeah, ok.” She decided.

“You hesitated for a while there.” Josh frowned. “You don’t believe me.”

“I do!” Hayley insisted, though something inside of her said she was lying.

“Not completely.” Josh shook his head. “Hayley, why can’t you trust me? If we’re going to be together, you need to trust me!”

“I do trust…” She sighed. “I don’t know…” She admitted. “I want to, but… it’s hard.”

“I promise you I’m not lying.” Josh said, looking her square in the eyes. “I know I haven’t given you much reason to trust me in the past, but I can not be in a relationship where you can’t trust me.”

“Yeah, I know…” Hayley said with a faint smile. “I know. I don’t know why I’m having such a hard time… I just…” She sat down and rested her head in her hands. “I just need to… think. Everything has gone so fast.” Josh frowned, Hayley wasn’t making sense anymore. He sat beside her and rubbed her back.

“I’m sorry…” Hayley mumbled.

“How did we get from ‘trust’ to things moving too fast?” He asked. Hayley sighed and shook her head.

“I-I don’t know. My brain is all over the place.” She admitted. “It just… things are going so well! Too well! I’m so used to problems arising and ‘bumps in the road’ that I guess I’ve just turned into this… fantastic pessimist. If there’s any possibility of something bad happening, my brain automatically reaches out for the worst possible scenario and grabs hold. I hate it!” She finished, sounding disgusted with herself.

Josh felt an incredible hurt within him. There was no doubt, he had done this to her. He had flipped her world upside down. He had turned this once cheerful young woman into someone who always thought the worst of relationships.

Suddenly, he was angry. It wasn’t fair that this was his fault. He had tried making things right so many times. But Hayley was too stubborn. Now that they were finally together, and happy, she had to go ruin it by accusing him of something she had absolutely no idea about. She hadn’t even bothered to entertain the possibility that the baby might not have been his. That maybe, just maybe, Lainy had cheated.  She always thought the worst of him, and he was getting sick of it.

“I do believe you.” Hayley said quietly after a few moments silence.

“Not really.” Josh replied, annoyed. “The closer I get, the more you tense up.”

“You’re angry…” She noted. Josh glared at her.

“Will I ever be good enough for you?” He burst out. Hayley looked shocked. “Seriously! Will I? What the fuck else do I have to do to be good enough?” He asked in a dangerously calm voice. 

“Josh…” Hayley whispered, looking hurt. “You don’t have to do anything! I-I love you… I just need ti-”

“No! Hayley! You have had time!” Josh spat. “You keep saying you need time! You’ve had time, nothing is changing!” Hayley winced and she shut her eyes.

“Josh, I’m sorry.” She said. “I’m sorry! Ok?! I don’t know what else to say. I know I should have let you explain about Lainy and the baby but… it’s hard for me, and I need you to understand that! I’m so used to protecting myself and Ethan that these barrier walls automatically go up when I sense something might hurt us.” 

Josh took a deep, calming breath, and stood up. “I think I’ll sleep in the guest room tonight. We could both use some time apart.”

Hayley furrowed her eyebrows and bit her lip. “No.” She said. She looked to the ceiling and shook her head. “It’s your house, you can take the bedroom, I’ll take the guest room.”

Josh’s heart sank. Deep down, he was hoping that Hayley would have said that the guest bedroom wouldn’t be necessary at all, though he knew it was. He shrugged and scratched the back of his neck. “Nah, you take the bedroom. It’s fine.” He placed a hand on her shoulder and walked away.

Hayley groaned loudly and ran her fingers through her hair. What was going on? She couldn’t seem to make her brain get over the fact that Lainy was pregnant. She believed Josh with all her heart, but her head was taking its time. Why couldn’t she accept that Josh was finally good, and had good intentions?  Why couldn’t she just be happy for once? She deserved to be happy! Right?

Later that night, after playing their argument over and over again in his head, Josh was beginning to understand Hayley’s angle. Sure, she shouldn’t have torn him apart before letting him explain, but, really, he had done some pretty shitty things to her that didn’t necessarily give him a good track record. He was still angry with her, and the whole fight hadn’t quite made sense to him, but they were a new couple. Couples fought. It was part of life. They could work through this.

Josh sighed and rolled onto his back. He pulled the blankets closer to him with a shiver and looked to the wall, knowing that Hayley was sleeping in a room just down the hallway. For the first time, Josh actually thought about what might happen to his son if he and Hayley split up. He quickly shook the thought away. He and Hayley could get through this. Hayley was right; things had been going too smoothly recently. It was about time they hit some bumps.

Down the hall, Hayley hugged one of Josh’s pillows tightly, inhaling the scent with a faint smile. She hated the fact that he wasn’t in bed with her. But she also hated the fact that he just couldn’t seem to understand how much of an adjustment this relationship was for her. Yes, she had doubts, and yes, she needed to express them. The mix of that, and her stubbornness made it hard for Josh to see things through her eyes. She knew that, and sympathized with it as much as she could. But it still frustrated her to no end.

She rolled onto her stomach and looked at the door, wondering what Josh was thinking in the room down the hall from her. She knew they would get through this, no problem. They had issues. Every couple had issues. But they would get through this. She had no doubts. But… did he?

She sighed and pulled his pillow closer, wishing it was him. She hated sleeping alone. After a few moments, Hayley grunted and rolled out of bed. She curled her toes into the carpet as the cool air enveloped her body and she shivered. She reached for the doorknob and crept into the hallway. She really hated sleeping alone.

Josh barely registered the sound of his door creaking open through his sleepy haze, but he smiled instantly as he felt the mattress depress where someone sat down. The smell of Hayley’s body wash invaded his senses and he sighed happily. He pulled back the blankets and moved over to make room for her, eyes still closed.

Hayley climbed under the blankets and pressed herself against Josh, still shivering from cold. Josh hissed and instinctively moved away from Hayley’s cold hands. She giggled quietly and rested her head on his shoulder.

“Still mad?” She asked in a whisper.

“We’ll talk about it tomorrow.” Josh grumbled. “Just… enjoy the moment for now.” He added tiredly, pulling her closer. Hayley smiled and nodded in agreement.

“I can do that.” She mumbled.

“I do love you.” Josh said with a yawn. “Even though you piss me off.”

“Love you too, asshole.” She replied teasingly.

“Shh, sleepy time.” He whispered sternly. He kissed her forehead and let his head fall back to his pillow, exhausted.

Next update will be.... sometime...

I hate stressssss! haha. but I heart Laura and Kaiteee! Sorry I haven't been online much! :/ 

I also heart Hayley's new hair. I think I like red a little better, but the blonde is a very nice change. I hope she feels better soon. blah blah blah kbye!