Breathe For Love

So I woke up to find the computer I have been using to update is in about 20 pieces all over the living room... Apparently it's time to upgrade the PC. *rolls eyes*
I'm posting from my phone right now. I had planned on writing today and updating tonight, but apparently thats not gonna happen. I have a pretty busy weekend ahead of me, but I'll try to update ASAP.
I'm so sorry!! :( This is not cool.
I iz nawt happy...
again, I am so sorry! Hopefully I'll have something posted by the end of the weekend.

This one is kinda long and ... ehh. But it needs to be here. Sorry it's not more exciting! It will be exciting soon enough ;)

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“Hayley! Over here.” Sarah called as Hayley entered the lobby of the spa she and Sarah were spending the day at. “Wow! You look awful! Was Ethan really that bad this morning?” Sarah frowned in sympathy. Hayley sighed and sat down. She rested her head on Sarah’s shoulder and shut her eyes. It was only 10 in the morning, why couldn’t today just be over already?

“Can I get you a drink ma’am?” The receptionist asked when she spotted Hayley.

“She’ll have a Mimosa.” Sarah said, ordering the popular morning drink for Hayley.

“No!” Hayley said quickly. She sat up straight in her chair and looked at the receptionist. “Orange juice is fine.”

“Hayley, you really look like you need to relax.” Sarah said.

“That’s why we’re at a spa.” Hayley pointed out.

“Alcohol helps with the relaxing process!” Sarah laughed. “Besides, it’s just got champagne in it, it’s not like you’ll get drunk.”

“Orange juice, please.” Hayley said, nodding to the receptionist. She smiled and walked away to get Hayley’s drink.

“Are you sure? Josh is buying, remember?” Sarah asked.

“Oh, I remember.” Hayley smiled, she planned on using that to her advantage today. “Besides, you aren’t having any alcohol either.” She pointed out.

Sarah looked at Hayley as if she were nuts. “I’m pregnant.” She said slowly. Hayley raised an eyebrow in reply. “Oh my god!” Sarah gasped. “Oh my god! You’re pregnant?!”

“Yep.” Hayley sighed. She pulled out a piece of paper and handed it over to Sarah. “Officially confirmed a half an hour ago at the hospital.”

“When? How? Who?!” Sarah asked hurriedly as she read the paper over.

“Well…” Hayley started. “About two weeks ago… You and Jeremy had Ethan for the night.”

Sarah frowned. “I don’t remember you going on a date…” She said slowly as she thought back.

“It wasn’t a planned date exactly…” Hayley said quietly. “It was that night we went to Samuel’s school.” Sarah looked even more confused at that. “Josh and I were fighting like crazy after you and Jeremy left with the kids. And… I don’t know…” Sarah’s jaw dropped, she knew where this was going.

“You and Josh had sex?!” She asked with an excited grin.

“Quiet!” Hayley said, eyes wide.

“Oh my god!” Sarah laughed. “Way to test out your new bed!”

“…Not exactly…” Hayley mumbled.

“Wait, where did you…” Sarah began.

“In the classroom.” Hayley said, voice barely audible. Sarah burst out laughing.

“Kinky!” She smiled.

“Shut up!” Hayley laughed. “Teacher’s desks are not a good place to do it by the way. I had this huge bruise on my leg for a week.”

“Remind me not to let Samuel touch Josh’s desk…” Sarah said thoughtfully. Hayley tried to hold back a laugh, but she failed.

“Should be all safe, I’m pretty sure Josh wiped everything down.” She explained. “Oh, god! I can’t believe we did that!” She wailed.

“Hey! It’s ok!” Sarah smiled.

“No, it really isn’t!” Hayley sighed, reality rushing back to her unpleasantly.

“Have you told him yet?” Sarah asked. She was slightly worried about how Josh would respond, judging by the way he had last time and by the way Hayley had looked when she had entered the spa.

“Not yet.” Hayley replied. “I was all set to this morning when I dropped Ethan off but…” She trailed off, remembering Elaina.

“What happened?” Sarah asked. She saw Hayley’s eyes begin to water, but Hayley held the tears back.

“I went to drop Ethan off and a girl answered the door.” She said.

“Oh, Hayles…” Sarah frowned. “I’m sorry. I had no ide-”

“Not just any girl!” Hayley interrupted. “Elaina. His fucking fiancée, Sarah! Fiancée!”

Sarah’s jaw dropped.“No!” She whispered dangerously.

“Oh, that asshole!” Hayley nodded in agreement and ran her fingers through her hair.

“What am I gonna do Sarah!” She asked, resting her hands on her stomach.

“Hey! It’ll be alright. You can handle this.” Sarah soothed.

“No! Sarah! I can’t!” Hayley replied, tears finally spilling down her cheeks. “I can barely handle Ethan! I can’t have two kids on my own.”

“Josh will be there to help this time.” Sarah pointed out. “And so will Jeremy and I.”

“No!” Hayley said stubbornly. “I ask too much if you and Jeremy already. You have your own baby on the way, I couldn’t possibly ask you two to help me. I feel bad enough when you take Ethan for me.”

“Hayley, we honestly don’t mind. We’re happy to help.” Sarah assured. “But Josh will be there too. He’ll just have to take Ethan for a few days at a time so you can deal with being pregnant and having a new baby.”

“He has a fiancée!” Hayley wailed.

“So?!” Sarah laughed. “They’re both his kids, he’s gonna have to help raise them. You know he’ll want to help anyway.”

“I don’t know…” Hayley sniffed. “I don’t want to fuck up his engagement by telling him this kid is his.”

“Hayley, he was the one who fucked it up. You didn’t know.” Sarah said seriously. “If his fiancée dumps him, which she should after what he did, it’s all on him.”

Hayley nodded, but didn’t look convinced."Why can nothing be easy when it comes to Josh and I?"

“Sorry to interrupt ladies,” the receptionist said quietly, “but whenever you two are ready, the masseuse is just down the hall.”

~*~

Josh frowned as he watched Ethan eat his lunch. He loved Ethan like mad, he always had, but every time he looked at him today he was reminded of Hayley. He was beyond angry for letting things get so far with her, and for not coming clean right away. He knew he had hurt her, no matter how calm and collected she was trying to be about it. He was completely disgusted with himself. What disgusted him more was that not once during this whole situation had he thought about what he was doing to Lainy. All he could think about and worry about over the last few weeks was how hurt Hayley was going to be. Why was he more concerned about hurting Hayley rather than his fiancée?

“Dada, we play?” Ethan asked as he shoved away what was left of his food.

“Can you have some of your applesauce?” Josh asked. “If you eat two big bites of that, we can play.”

“No! Play now!” Ethan complained.

“I’m sorry, EJ. But you have to eat some more, you’ve hardly eaten any of your food.” Josh pointed out.

“Not hungy.” Ethan said simply.

“Buddy, you were begging for food not fifteen minutes ago.” Josh laughed. “Two more bites please.” Ethan crossed his arms and glared at his father. Josh sat down next to him and grabbed the spoon. He scooped up some applesauce and held it out for Ethan to eat. Ethan pouted, but opened his mouth, allowing Josh to push the spoon past his lips. Josh managed to get four spoonfuls of applesauce into Ethan before the toddler realized he’d completed his deal.

“Play!” He said, pushing Josh’s hand away.

“Ok, ok.” Josh sighed. “Play.” He lowered Ethan to the ground and turned to clean up lunch.

“Dada, look!” Ethan screamed happily. Josh turned around to see Ethan holding out a stuffed sheep.

“Shpeepy!” Ethan explained.

“Is that his name?” Josh asked, crouching down to get to Ethan’s level.

Ethan shook his head. “This is, um, Caddie.” He explained. “Where is… Momma?” He asked.

“Momma is out with auntie Sarah.” Josh answered.

“Dinner again?” He asked hopefully.

“You and Mommy are eating dinner at your house tonight.” Josh replied with a sad smile.

“You too!” Ethan urged. “Peeeese!”

“I can’t buddy. Mommy is mad at me.” Josh sighed.

Ethan frowned. “Bad Daddy.” He said finally.

“I know.” Josh frowned. “Very bad Daddy.” Before he knew what was going on, Ethan’s stuffed sheep collided with the side of his head.

“Bad Daddy!” Ethan repeated with a frown.

“Ethan!” Josh said, trying to keep a straight face. “You can’t throw things at people. It’s not nice.” He coughed into his shoulder to hide a laugh.

Ethan looked to the ground and shuffled his feet. “Sowwy Daddy.” He mumbled.

“It’s ok buddy, just don’t do it again please.” Josh replied. Ethan nodded and headed for the game room.

“Dora!” He called over his shoulder. Josh smiled and followed Ethan to the television.

“Help peese!” Ethan grinned, handing the remote out for Josh to take. Josh took it and flipped the TV on to Dora the Explorer.

~*~

“Anyone home?” Hayley called as she opened the door to Josh’s house. “Josh?” She called out. “Ethan?”

She wandered through the house and raised her hand to her mouth, smiling, when she finally found Josh and Ethan. Josh was sitting on the couch with Ethan in his lap. Ethan’s head was on Josh’s chest and Josh’s cheek rested lightly on top of Ethan’s head. Josh had one arm wrapped protectively around his son and both boys were fast asleep. Hayley quickly pulled out her phone, as much as she hated Josh at the moment, she had to have a picture of the cuteness in front of her.

“Josh!” She whispered, once she was satisfied with the photo her phone took. “Josh, wake up.” She repeated. She put her hand on his shoulder and shook him lightly.

“Hmm?” He said sleepily. He instantly smiled when he realized Ethan was sleeping in his lap and kissed the top of his head gently.

“Hey, I’m here to bring Ethan home.” Hayley said coldly. Josh jumped a bit, finally realizing Hayley was in the room.

“Oh, right…” Josh mumbled sadly. He had enjoyed his alone time with his son, he wasn’t ready for it to be over.

“Momma?” Ethan grumbled as he began to wake up.

“I’m right here baby.” Hayley smiled. Ethan held out his arms, eyes still shut tiredly, and reached for the sound of his mother’s voice. Hayley picked him up out of Josh’s lap and pulled him close.

“I can take him for the night if you still want some time to yourself.” Josh offered hopefully.

“I’m fine, thanks.” Hayley said quickly. “How was he?”

“He was fine. No tantrums.” Josh answered with a yawn. “He’s very defensive of you though.” Josh said matter-of-factly as he stood up and stretched.

“What?” Hayley asked with a slight laugh.

“He wanted us all to have dinner again tonight, and I said we couldn’t because you were mad at me. Then threw a sheep at me and said ‘bad daddy’.” Josh explained. Hayley covered her mouth and laughed. Ethan groaned in complaint at the noise and moved his head on her shoulder tiredly.

“You have him trained well.” Josh laughed. Hayley nodded and hugged Ethan.

“That’s my boy!” She whispered. “You told him it wasn’t ok to throw things, right?” She asked seriously.

“Of course.” Josh smiled. “I was pretty amused though, so I don’t know if the point really came across.”

“Alright, well we should go.” Hayley said as an awkward silence fell over them.

“Hayley, I really am sorry.” Josh whispered. “I don’t know why I let things happen the way they did. I hate that I hurt you again.”

“Let’s not talk about this now.” Hayley said. She really didn’t want to hear his explanation. “I have to go.”

“I really don’t know what came over me that night. I just saw you and everything I knew just flew out the window. I couldn’t control myself and for that I’m sorry. I’ve been trying to figure out how to tell you. I swear I was going to, I didn’t mean for you to find out the way you did.” Josh continued. “I know I totally don’t deserve your forgiveness, but I really hope that you can forgive me someday. I want to be there for you and Ethan.

“Josh, it’s ok.” Hayley sighed.

“No, it’s not!” He replied angrily. “I’m a grown man for god’s sake! I should be able to control myself. I don’t know what it was… just something about you made me… I dunno. I temporarily lost my mind and forgot I was engaged.”

“Oh, you slept with me, so that must mean you’re insane.” Hayley snorted.

“No! No, I didn’t mean it like that!” Josh said quickly. “Well... Yeah I’m insane in the way that I slept with you without ever thinking about or remembering Lainy, but no one would have to be insane to sleep with you. I’ve never been able to control myself around you. I guess I still lo- er, have feelings for you. Or at least left over feelings from when we were dating…” He finished lamely.

Hayley froze. Did he almost say ‘love’? Did he still love her? Oh, that asshole! How could he do that to her?

“I can’t be around you right now.” Hayley said quietly. A new anger filled her now. He was making her so confused and she hated him for it. Why did he have to be with Elaina? Why did he always have to fuck things up?

“Yeah that’s… that’s probably a good idea.” Josh agreed with a sigh. “Can I still see Ethan?”

Hayley nodded. “I’m not coming in the house anymore though. I’ll drop him off and you’ll have him ready to go when I come to pick him up.”

Josh nodded sadly and scratched the back of his head. “I’m so sorry, Hayles. I’m an asshole for hiding this from you.”

Hayley bit her lip in guilt as she remembered the little secret she was hiding from him. “Josh…” She started. He looked up and waited for her to continue. “Uh, where are Ethan’s things?” She asked quickly, deciding now was not the time to tell him he was going to be a second-time father.

---

Whew! That was long! Hopefully not too boring. :)

I'll update as soon as I can, but I don't think I'll be able to get to a computer to write until Thursday. :/

This one is a little shorter, sorry! I could have gone on, but the end bit really needed to be… the end bit I guess, haha.

Thank you to Claire and Katie for helping me out with this one!

Enjoy!

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When Hayley awoke the next morning, she felt different. She couldn’t say what exactly felt different about her, she just felt …different. She’d been feeling this way for a few days now, but she kept pushing aside thoughts as to why she felt different.

Today, she couldn’t ignore those thoughts anymore. She had to find out for sure if her suspicions were correct. She rolled out of bed and trudged to the bathroom quietly for her morning shower. If she could be quiet enough, Ethan wouldn’t wake up until she was done with her shower and maybe, just maybe, she could have some alone time for a bit.

Hayley sped through her shower as quickly as she could and dried herself off with her favorite soft fluffy towel. She pulled on some sweatpants and a tank top before reaching for the pregnancy test she had bought last minute at the grocery store the previous day. She opened the box nervously and pulled out the instructions.

“Easy to use home pregnancy test.” She whispered aloud to herself. “Urinate on absorbent end of the stick for five seconds. Results appear in two minutes. A plus sign in the window after two minutes means pregnant. Seek a doctor for further examination.” She sighed and pulled out the test. “Well, here goes nothing...”

Three minutes later, Hayley stood looking at herself in the mirror. She knew the test was ready, waiting eagerly to show her the results, but she couldn’t bring herself to look at it. She already knew the answer anyway. She had felt ‘different’ like this once before. Only once before. It was the way she had felt when she had gotten pregnant with Ethan.

What was Josh going to say?

She put her hands on her stomach, trying to feel for a hard lump that signaled a baby growing, but felt nothing. It was far too early to feel anything. She ran her fingers through her hair and finally looked down at the stick to confirm what she already knew. All the same, she smiled to herself as she saw a plus sign in the little window and raised a hand to her mouth. She was pregnant …again. With Josh’s baby …again.

“Mommyyyy!” Ethan cried from his bedroom.

“Coming sweetie!” Hayley called with a smile.

~*~

“Are you gonna be good for Daddy today?” Hayley asked as she turned on to Josh’s street.

“Yes!” Ethan replied excitedly. He had been looking forward to spending the day with Josh all morning. Hayley smiled and laughed quietly to herself as Ethan began bobbing his head along with the music that was playing. She turned on her blinker to turn into Josh’s driveway and frowned as she saw the same, sleek silver car that had pulled in last night.

“We here!” Ethan called out. “Hi Daddy!” He added, waiving to the house eagerly. Hayley laughed and pulled open his car door to get him out of the car seat.

“Remember our deal?” She asked as she picked Ethan up and carried him to the front door. “If you’re good today you can have a new toy car.” Ethan grinned and nodded. “That means no crying, and you have to listen to what Daddy says, right?” Ethan nodded once more.

“I be good.” He assured. He poked Hayley’s nose gently with his finger for emphasis. Hayley smiled and kissed his forehead.

“Thank you, EJ.” She said. She took a deep breath and smiled. She was going to tell Josh about the pregnancy before she met up with Sarah. She was almost positive it would go better than the last time she told him she was pregnant. Josh had changed so much since then. If he could be a father to Ethan and not be married now, he could easily be a father to their new unborn baby. And who knew, maybe he and Hayley could try dating again. Maybe she could have a fairy tale ending and live with together with Josh and their children.

“Can you ring the doorbell for me?” She asked Ethan, once she had prepared herself. He grinned and reached for the doorbell, but just before his tiny fingers pressed the button, the doorknob turned.

“Oh!” A female voice gasped as the door swung open. “I didn’t realize anyone was here!” She raised a hand to her heart and laughed. Hayley stood in shock with her mouth open slightly. The woman looked very professional. She wore black pinstripe dress pants and a silky blue top that brought out her pretty blue eyes. Her blonde hair was pulled back into a loose ponytail and she had stunning diamond earrings in her ears.

“You must be Hayley!” The woman smiled. “And you! You have to be little Ethan!” She grinned, reaching out and touching Ethan’s arm. Ethan whined and pulled back immediately. Who was this crazy lady? And why was she touching him?

“Oh, he’s so adorable!” She laughed. “He looks so much like Josh!” She turned and looked at Hayley with a huge smile. “Oh…” She hesitated as she finally saw the look of absolute confusion on Hayley’s face. “I’m sorry! I’m Lainy.” She reached her hand out to shake. Hayley cocked her head to the side, trying to remember if she knew the name.

“Elaina?” The woman tried. “Josh’s fiancée?” Hayley’s heart went crashing down to the hard concrete stairs she stood on.

“H-he… you…you’re… fiancée?” She gasped.

“Oh, he is so dead…” Elaina grumbled. “I’m sorry, he must have just been so excited when he got to see Ethan. Must have slipped his mind.”

“Uh…” Hayley said. She shook her head slightly and composed herself. “Congratulations!” She said with a huge fake grin. “This is so exciting!”

“Thank you!” Elaina replied, smiling broadly. “I’m so happy. He proposed just before we moved here for the record company.”

“Oh, is that why you moved?” Hayley asked. She had been meaning to ask Josh why he’d moved back, she just assumed he had missed his family.

“Yes.” Elaina smiled. “I work for one of the record companies in Nashville. It’s a great job! But I have to travel a lot. That’s where I’ve been actually, checking out all sorts of potential bands to sign for the past two weeks.” She explained quickly. “I really have to be going though, I have a plane to catch. I just had a night off and I thought I’d come home and surprise Joshua.”

“Lainy!” Josh called from somewhere inside the house. “Lain-oh god…” He came to an immediate halt as he spotted Hayley. Hayley forced a smile as Elaina turned around and wrapped herself around Josh.

“Hayley’s here!” She smiled, completely oblivious to the thick tension that now surrounded the group.

“Uh… you forgot your purse.” Josh mumbled, holding out a large Louis Vuitton handbag.

“Oh, thank you babe!” She said. “I’m so forgetful. Lucky I have him!” She laughed, talking to Hayley. She kissed him quickly and hurried to her car. “See you this weekend!”

“Bye…” Josh called.

The second Lainy was gone Hayley turned to Josh. “What the fuck, Josh!?” She whispered through gritted teeth.

“Hayley!” Josh replied, eyes wide. He nodded toward Ethan, who was still sitting quietly in Hayley’s arms. Hayley lowered him to the ground, hugged him, and told him to go play in the living room. When he was safely inside she turned to Josh, waiting patiently for an explanation.

“Hayley, I was going to tell you, I swear.” Josh started. “That night… I don’t know. I guess I just… forgot.”

“You forgot that you were engaged to another woman?” Hayley replied with a sarcastic laugh. Josh looked down at his feet in shame.

“I’m so sorry Hayley.” He whispered. “I didn’t mean to hurt you. I just saw you and all sorts of feelings came rushing back. I couldn’t control myself. I never could control myself around you…”

Hayley stood, looking disappointed, and shook her head. “You didn’t hurt me.” She lied with a shrug. “I don’t care. You don’t deserve to be cared about, so I’m not going to waste my time.” She handed over Ethan’s diaper bag and backed away. “Diapers and wipes are in the front pouch. His lunch is in the big pocket, along with some toys.”

“Hayley…” Josh whispered.

“I’ll be back around three.” She said.

“Hayley please…” Josh repeated. “Don’t be like this. Get mad, yell at me, tell me you hate me! I don’t care, just do… something!”

“I am doing something.” She replied with a shrug. “I’m walking away.”

Hayley climbed into her car and backed out of the driveway calmly. She knew Josh was staring after her, but she refused to look back at him. She drove a few hundred feet down the quiet street and pulled over, finally allowing sorrow to consume her. She rested her head on the steering wheel, and cried. She wrapped her arms protectively around her stomach and cried harder as she thought of the unborn child Josh didn’t even know about yet.

It was a silent sort of crying, though her mouth was hanging open so it looked like she ought to be screaming in pain. Big, fat tears rolled down her cheeks and as they landed on her jeans, she finally let out a heart-wrenching sob.

A few moments later, as she began to calm down a bit, her phone buzzed with a new text message. Without thinking, she opened the message and scowled when she realized it was from Josh.

Ethan wants to talk to you, I’ll call from my cell. Please pick up. The message read. Oh great, she hadn’t even said goodbye to Ethan. She felt like the world’s worst mom.

Seconds later, her phone began to ring. She took a few deep breaths and wiped away any remaining tears before pressing the phone to her ear. “Hello?” She said shakily.

“Momma?” Ethan asked.

“Hey, baby!” Hayley smiled. “How are you?”

“Hi.” Ethan replied with a giggle.

“Tell her, Ethan!” Hayley heard Josh urge from somewhere in the background. “Tell Mommy what you told me.”

“Ok.” Ethan said to Josh. “Mommy?” He asked loudly into the receiver.

“Yes?” Hayley asked, getting a bit worried about what he was going to say.

“I wuv Momma.” He said happily. Hayley smiled broadly.

“I love you too, baby.” She whispered, a tear rolling down her cheek. “I love you so much.”

“Bye!” Ethan called. Hayley laughed and smiled to herself. She quickly hung the phone up, before Josh had a chance to take the phone from Ethan and say anything.

It was then that she remembered, no matter what happened with Josh, she’d always have her Ethan. He’d always be her number one.

---

Claire iz smart. Hehe. A lot of you guessed most of it, but she came the closest to guessing what actually happened in this chapter. :)

I’ll update as soon as I can (hopefully tomorrow!) but I STILL don’t have a computer. Looks like it’s gonna be another week or two :/

I have AIM if anyone ever wants to chat. My screenname is hammrsnstrings (note the lack of an ‘e’ in ‘hammers’! hahaha) Feel free to IM me, just let me know who you are so I don’t get all confused and such. I’m not on too often with the whole lack-of-a-computer situation, but I get on through my phone from time to time :)

So, this chapter was supposed to be short. But I couldn't make myself stop writing... and I couldn't make myself take much out to shorten it... I suppose the length makes up for the huge lack of updates though?

Sorry for grammar/spelling mistakes. Still no real spell check to run this through.

Enjoy!

---

Hayley pushed her shopping cart through the last few aisles of the grocery store as quickly as she could. She and Ethan were supposed to meet Josh for dinner in ten minutes and Hayley was nowhere near being ready. Today just wasn’t her day. She’d had a rough day at work and had ended up leaving half an hour late. When she went to pick Ethan up, she’d had to stay to talk to his daycare provider about his increasingly bad behavior and he wasn’t exactly helping out in this little shopping trip.

She sped down one of the many aisles to get to the checkout, and halted quickly at the end of the aisle as a certain box caught her eye. She thought about the night a week and a half ago when she and Josh were together and blushed. She smiled faintly, grabbed a box from the nearest shelf, and threw it in the cart before speeding to the checkout.

~*~

“Are you sure I can’t get you anything, sir?” The waitress asked Josh for the third time. “An appetizer, another drink… anything?”

“I’ve told you, I’m waiting for someone.” Josh said through clenched teeth. He’d only been there fifteen minutes and already the waitress was pushing him to leave.

“Alright, well let me know when you’re ready.” The waitress mumbled before walking away. Josh looked around the small restaurant. There were only two other couples there. One was quite a bit older and the other looked to be on their first or second date.

He smiled as he watched both couples. The younger ones couldn’t seem to keep their hands off each other. They always had their hands or legs touching. The older couple just looked happy. They had obviously been together for a long time, and they still enjoyed each other’s company. He hoped he could have that for himself one day.

“Josh!” Hayley called from the entrance of the restaurant. “I’m so sorry!” She said, hurrying over. He immediately stood up and pulled out a chair for her. She grinned and blushed faintly and set Ethan in a chair with a booster seat.

“No problem.” He replied. “I figured you might be having a bit of a hard time with EJ.”

“’Bit of a hard time’ doesn’t even begin to describe it.” She mumbled. “I almost couldn’t get him out of the house. I finally bribed him out with Mr. Blankey.” She nodded toward the blanket Ethan clutched tightly in his arms.

“Well, I’m glad you made it.” Josh smiled. “And you look great by the way.” Hayley blushed and straightened out her dress shirt.

“Mommy!” Ethan cried. “I wanna gooooo!”

“I know, Ethan.” Hayley sighed in frustration. “Let’s eat dinner with Daddy first though.”

“No!” He replied with a frown.

“Aw, don’t you want to eat with me?” Josh asked. Ethan shook his head and crossed his arms.

“I’ll go find a coloring book. That should keep him occupied…” Hayley said quickly. She hurried over to the hostess, and returned with a coloring book and a basket of crayons.

“Color!” Ethan grinned. Hayley set the book in front of him and handed over a crayon. She placed the basket of crayons on the table next to him and sat down.

“Hello ma’am, can I get you anything to drink?” The waitress said the second Hayley finally took her seat.

“Um, a glass of water is fine.” Hayley smiled. “And could you fill this up halfway with apple juice and halfway with water for him?” Hayley asked, holding out Ethan’s sippy cup. “Regular juice has too much sugar.” Hayley quickly explained in a side note to Josh.

“Of course.” The waitress smiled.

“Oh, now she’s nice…” Josh mumbled as the waitress left. Hayley frowned, but didn’t ask him to elaborate. “You know, you can have a glass of wine if you’d like. It’s all on me.” Josh smiled.

“I’m fine, thanks.” Hayley smiled. “Have to drive Ethan home, I’d rather not have any alcohol in me.”

“Of course.” He replied. “I can drive though, if you want. I’ve not had anything to drink and it looks like you could use a drink…”

“No, it’s alright. Really.” Hayley smiled. “I’m fine with just water. You go ahead and have a beer though.”

“If you’re sure.” Josh frowned. “Hayley!” He hissed suddenly as he looked over to Ethan.

“Hmm?” Hayley said, turning quickly to look.

“There’s a permanent marker in the basket of crayons.” Josh pointed out. Hayley reached over slowly, trying not to catch Ethan’s attention. She wasn’t in the mood for a temper tantrum. If he found out she was taking something away, he was sure to attract attention.

“Are you all ready to order?” The waitress asked as she set Hayley’s water and Ethan’s juice on the table.

“Ah, yes!” Hayley smiled, forgetting about the marker. “I’ll have the chicken alfredo and he’ll have the child’s spaghetti, no sauce please.”

“No sauce? That’s the best part!” The waitress smiled, looking at Ethan. He giggled but quickly went back to his coloring.

“We haven’t quite acquired the taste for pasta sauce yet.” Hayley smiled, ruffling Ethan’s hair.

“And what will you have, sir?” The waitress asked, turning to Josh.

“Actually, the chicken alfredo sounds good, I think I’ll have that as well.” Josh replied. The waitress took the menus and hurried away to put their order in.

“Ethan! No!” Josh said suddenly. Ethan had the permanent marker in his hand. He pulled off the cap and looked from Hayley to Josh with a knowing grin.

“Please put that down.” Hayley said calmly. He shook his head and inspected his new found toy.

“Ethan, that’s not for little boys. That’s got icky stuff in it.” Josh warned. Ethan opened his mouth and held the marker up.

“Ethan, no!” Hayley gasped. She grabbed the marker out of his hands just before the felt tip reached his mouth. Tears instantly formed in his eyes and sobbing soon followed.

“Why is this thing even in the frigging basket?!” Hayley huffed angrily. She threw the marker on the table and tried to calm Ethan down. Josh sat back, unsure of what to do. “Ethan, I’m sorry if I scared you, but that had poison in it. You could have hurt yourself.” Hayley explained.

“No!” Ethan wailed. He reached for the marker once more, but Hayley pushed it out of his reach. He began to shriek and he tried to kick Hayley away from him, drawing attention from the other diners. Josh grabbed the marker and put it in his pocket, out of sight, in an attempt to help.

“Ethan, honey, if you don’t calm down, we’re going to have to go outside.” Hayley said. Ethan looked up at her and let out a purposeful scream. “Alright, that’s it. Up we go.” Hayley snapped. Ethan kicked as Hayley tried to pick him up, but she overpowered him and hurried to the door.

“We’ll be back soon!” She called over her shoulder to Josh. As she walked past the tables, Hayley apologized to the other diners. The older couple smiled understandingly while the younger couple stared daggers.

Josh sat in slight shock as Hayley left and sat on a park bench just outside the restaurant. She looked like she was about to cry as she tried to calm Ethan down. As his brain processed what exactly had happened, he felt awful. All he had done was sit there. Hayley was obviously had a bad day and when Ethan threw his tantrum, all Josh had done was sit there like an idiot. It was going to take a while to learn how to be a father.

He thought back to the way Hayley had ordered Ethan’s food and frowned. He had missed so much of Ethan’s life already. He didn’t know that toddler’s juice had to be watered down. He didn’t know his son didn’t like spaghetti sauce. He didn’t know what to do when Ethan threw a hissy fit. What else didn’t he know? He suddenly felt like the world’s worst father. And things didn’t get much better for him as Hayley gestured to him from outside.

“What?” Josh mouthed. She pointed to him, then to the table, and then to Ethan. He stared back at her, confusion written over his face. She mouthed something to him but he couldn’t quite make it out. Something about ‘bank it’? Hayley pulled out her phone, frustrated, and seconds later Josh felt his phone vibrate in his pocket.

“Hello?” He said, pressing the phone to his ear.

“Blanket, Josh! Bring me the god damn blanket!” She nearly shouted. Josh shot out of his chair as if it was on fire and grabbed the blanket.

“Sorry!” He called as he hurried over to her. She snatched the blanket from him and wrapped it around a still sobbing Ethan.

“Thank you.” Hayley sighed. Once Ethan realized his blanket was around him, he stopped resisting Hayley and rested his head on her shoulder, still crying. Josh swore he saw a tear run down Hayley’s cheek, but she turned away before he could be sure.

“Is there anything I can do?” Josh asked cautiously.

“No, not right now.” Hayley said, forcing a smile. “We’ll be back in soon.” Josh placed his hand on her shoulder and kissed her forehead gently.

“Let me know if I can help.” He whispered.

“Go!” She insisted. “Really, it’s ok.” She smiled. He nodded and walked back toward the restaurant feeling completely useless.

Ten minutes later, Ethan looked like he was beginning to calm down. The waitress carried out their food, but Josh refused to eat until Hayley and Ethan came back inside. He didn’t have to wait too long, as Hayley walked back toward the restaurant only moments after the food arrived.

“I’m sorry baby, but that marker could have hurt you.” She said to Ethan as they walked over. He nodded tiredly and buried his face in her neck. “And you know why we had to go outside?” She asked.

“I was loud.” He frowned.

“That’s right. We don’t make a scene at restaurants or at other people’s houses do we?” She said. He shook his head and looked down at his plate of spaghetti.

“Sketti!” He grinned. Hayley smiled and sat down, exhausted.

“Noooo! I sit with Mama!” Ethan complained as Hayley shifted him to his seat.

“Ok.” Hayley sighed, giving in instantly. She pulled him into her lap and began cutting up spaghetti.

“Are you sure Hayley?” Josh asked.

“Yeah, it’s fine.” She smiled.

“Ethan, how about you sit with me and eat your sketti?” Josh asked. Ethan grinned and nodded.

“It’s ok, Josh. Really.” Hayley said.

“No it’s not.” He said simply. “You deserve a break.” He pulled Ethan into his lap and resumed cutting the spaghetti. She smiled and leaned back in her chair.

“Tomorrow’s your day off right?” Josh asked. Hayley nodded and dug in to her food. “Why don’t I take Ethan? You and Sarah can have a spa day. My treat.” He smiled.

“No, no, it’s alright.” Hayley said, waving her hand in the air.

“Seriously!” Josh smiled. “There’s no school tomorrow, so I don’t have to work. Jer doesn’t work until the afternoon, he and I could look after Ethan and Sam while you and Sarah go out. It will be fun.” Hayley frowned, unsure.

“Come on.” Josh encouraged. “I need to spend some time with him. I need to learn what he likes and doesn’t like without you being there to tell me. I need to… experience it I guess.” He admitted. She smiled and nodded her head.

“Alright, fine.” She said. “But he’s quite a handful, as you can see…”

“We’ll be fine.” Josh grinned. “Won’t we buddy?” He asked, patting Ethan’s back.

“Mommy, I gotta go potty.” Ethan replied, looking at Hayley.

“Just go in your diaper for now, it’s ok.” Hayley said, blushing slightly.

Ethan shook his head. “Wanna be a big boy!” He grinned. He had started potty training a month ago and, while he was far from officially being trained, he was starting to understand.

“I’ll take him.” Josh said at once.

“Josh, no, really.” Hayley said. She knew it would be quite a chore and she didn’t want him to have to put up with it so early on in his new relationship with Ethan.

“I’ve taken my niece to the bathroom before, how hard can a little boy be?” Josh smiled. “After all, I used to be one.” Hayley laughed and leaned back in her chair.

“You sure about this?” She asked with a grin.

“Well, after that reaction, I’m not quite as confidant, but I’m willing to try.” Josh laughed. “Come on buddy, let’s go.” He said. He stood up and took Ethan’s hand.

“Wait!” Hayley called out. She reached for her purse and dug around. “You’re gonna need these.” She said.

“Baby wipes?” Josh asked. Hayley nodded with a smile. “…why?” He asked suspiciously.

“Oh, well, you want to find things out for yourself without me telling you so…” She shrugged. Josh laughed and shook his head.

“Just make sure things are pointing in the right direction.” She advised.

“Hayley, I hate to break it to you, but I am a guy…” Josh said. “I know how this works.”

Ten minutes later, Josh and Ethan reappeared from the bathroom. “I did it Momma!” Ethan grinned.

“Yes he did!” Josh smiled proudly. “Told you I knew how to do this.”

“Wipes please.” Hayley said, holding out her hand. Josh handed the package back to her shyly. “Hmm, seems quite a bit lighter now…” She smiled as she weighed the package in her hand.

“Shut up…” Josh grumbled. “So he peed on the seat… no big deal. Most of it got in the toilet.”

“Likes to grab hold and ‘aim’, doesn’t he?” She laughed.

“I wanna be like Daddy!” Ethan put in. Hayley covered her mouth to hide a laugh.

“Yeah, could have warned me about that.” Josh sighed.

“Oh, but you’re a guy, you know how things work.” She teased. Josh glared at her and attempted to keep a straight face. Within seconds, they both burst out laughing. Ethan, having no idea what was going on, joined in and began shrieking with laughter. Hayley smiled and pulled him onto her lap before kissing the top of his head.

~*~

“Alright, before we leave, is it alright if I use your bathroom?” Hayley asked. She had brought Ethan back to Josh’s house after dinner to hang out for a bit.

“Sure.” Josh replied. “It’s in the hallway just before you get to the kitchen.” Hayley nodded and stood up. “Dada, juice?” Ethan asked, holding up his sippy cup.

“Alright, you watch the penguins on TV and I’ll get you some more juice.” Josh smiled. He hurried to the kitchen and filled the cup halfway with juice, and halfway with cold water. As he hurried back to the game room, where Ethan was watching TV, he ran smack into Hayley.

“Whoa!” He gasped. “Sorry!” Hayley didn’t reply. She froze and stared up at him. He had her inadvertently pinned against the wall. He looked her in the eyes and was surprised to see curiousness in them. Their lips inched closer and closer together…

“Daddy?” Ethan called, just as their lips were mere millimeters apart. Josh jumped back instantly.

“I’m sorry!” He stuttered. “I’m so sorry!” Hayley put her finger to his lips, quieting him, and stood on her toes to get closer to him.

“He can wait for thirty more seconds.” Hayley whispered. She moved closer and shut her eyes lightly.

“Hayley…” Josh gasped. “I… I can’t… I want to, but… I’m sorry.”

“Daddyyyyy.” Ethan called once more.

“Uh, juice.” Josh said, holding up the sippy cup. Hayley shook her head as she came to her sense.

“Oh, god!” She ran her fingers through her hair. “Oh, god! I’m sorry!” She apologized. “I don’t know what came over me.”

“It’s ok.” Josh said, flashing a quick smile. He hurried back to Ethan, leaving Hayley alone in the hallway to try to figure out what had just happened.

“Wait…” She mumbled to herself. Why had he pulled away? He certainly hadn’t pulled away a week and a half ago at the school.

She shook her head as she realized he was focusing on being a father right now. She suddenly felt dumb. Of course he couldn’t start anything with her. Ethan was in the next room, waiting for juice. And Josh was obsessed with proving himself to be a good father. She gathered her things and headed to get Ethan so they could get home before his bedtime.

 

“See you tomorrow morning.” Josh smiled.

“Bye, Dada.” Ethan mumbled sleepily.

“See you.” Hayley waived. She buckled Ethan in and backed out of the driveway carefully.

“Where’s Mr. Blankey?” Ethan asked from his car seat.

“Oh shoot!” Hayley sighed. “He’s still at Daddy’s house.” She looked in her rearview mirror and saw a silver car pull in to Josh’s driveway.

“Can you sleep with another blankey tonight?” She asked. “Daddy has friends over now. You’ll be back tomorrow morning and you can get Mr. Blankey then. How does that sound?”

Ethan grunted, but didn’t otherwise respond. He looked like he was about to fall asleep. Hayley smiled and continued the short drive to their home. Maybe today wasn’t so bad after all.

---

*evil grin* I iz excited about the next chapter. :D

I wonder if anyone can guess what's going to happen...? I left a few veeeeeeeery subtle hints, but I don't know if anyone will guess. Except for maybe the two people I already told... haha.
Anyone wanna take a shot?

I'll update ASAP, but I still don't have the next chapter written and I still don't have a computer. I'm starting to really dislike Geek Squad... but I'll be happy with them once my computer is finally fixed I suppose.

Final chapter because I can't focus on this anymore... sorry!

---

HAYLEY’S POV

I bit my lip as I held my phone to my ear. I didn’t even know who I was calling until I heard Jeremy’s voice on the other line.

“Hello?” He said into the receiver.

“Jeremy!” I said happily. I slammed on my breaks as the traffic light ahead of me went red.

“Hayles? What’s up?” He asked.

“Uh… nothing.” I replied. Why had I even called him? “Just trying to find Josh’s place.”

“Oh..” He said, sounding slightly confused.

“I didn’t even really realize I was calling I guess…” I added lamely.

“How much have you had to drink?” Jeremy joked.

“Shut up!” I laughed.

“So, why are you on the way to see Josh?” Jeremy asked, getting to the point.

“I… I don’t really know yet.” I admitted.

“Hayley, it’s ok.” He groaned.

“What’s ok?” I asked. The light turned green and I hit the gas, slightly harder than I intended to.

“You and Josh.” He replied. “I’m ok with it, Taylor’s ok with it, Zac is more than ok with it. He’s already calling you his soon to be sister-in-law.”

“B-but the band…” I said quietly as I turned left. I could see Josh’s apartment building now.

“Anything is better than how it is now. Seriously! It can’t get much worse.” Jeremy laughed. “We’ll be fine.”

I pulled into a parking spot and ran my fingers through my hair. “What am I doing?” I mumbled, more to myself than to Jeremy.

“Listen to your heart.” Jeremy advised.

“Laaaaaaaaame!” I laughed.

“Call me back after you go attack Josh!” He teased. Before I could reply, Jeremy had hung up on me.

I grinned as soon as I threw my phone back in my purse. Jeremy was ok with Josh and I! The whole band was apparently ok with Josh and I! I was the only one who wasn’t, and that was about to change. I threw open the car door and stepped outside with a grin. Now… if only I had paid attention to which apartment number was Josh’s… crap.

I hurried across the parking lot, pulling out my phone once more. Zac would know which apartment was Josh’s…

“Looking for someone?” I heard a voice call from my left. I spun around and my heart stopped as I saw Josh leaning casually against the side of his car.

“Hi…” I stuttered. “How did you know?”

“Hannah.” He laughed, holding out his phone to show me a text message.

“Right.” I laughed.

“So… she said you have something to say?” He asked hesitantly.

“Yeah.” I replied quietly. Where should I begin? I smiled to myself as I came up with the perfect starting point. I put my arms around his neck and pulled his face to mine.

“I love you.” I whispered, my lips centimeters from his.

“I love you, too.” He grinned. My eyes snapped shut as I felt his warm breath on my lips and I felt my stomach flip.

“I’m so sorry.” I said. I pressed my forehead against his and ran my fingers through his hair.

“It’s ok. You’re just a little slow in the head.” He teased. He placed his hands on my hips and smiled. I slapped him gently and shook my head.

“You, sir, have to learn how to be nicer to- oh!” I gasped as he captured my lips with his. I felt him grin into the kiss and he wrapped his arms around my waist, pulling me close.

“Get a room!” A voice called out.

“Why the fuck are you here Zac?” Josh replied, annoyed.

“Just making sure things work out.” Zac said, grinning proudly. "Plus, I left my laptop in your apartment." He added, holding up his Macbook Pro.

“Come on.” Josh whispered. He grabbed my hand and led me toward his apartment.

“’Night Zac!” I called over my shoulder.

“Be safe!” Zac replied with an immature laugh.

~*~

As Josh and I sat on his couch, I couldn’t help but stare at him. He was gorgeous. I had ignored that fact for far too long. He looked over to me, and smiled. A blush rose high on my cheeks as I realized I’d been caught staring, but my embarrassment quickly vanished as he moved closer and kissed me.

I sat in shock for a few seconds before wrapping my arm around his waist and pulling him closer to me. I fell back onto the couch so I was laying on it, with Josh hovering over me. I felt his tongue slip across my bottom lip, begging for entrance, and I quickly parted my lips. He pressed his hips against mine as our tongues danced, and we both let out involuntary moans.

I tangled my fingers in his hair, trying to pull him closer, as if that was at all possible. His hands roamed along my sides, sending delightful little shivers through my body. I let my hands travel down his back before I gently dug my fingernails into his hips. He gasped and groaned, kissing me harder with a smile.

“Hayley!” He whispered. “I can’t believe… wow…”

“I’m sorry it took so long for me to come around.” I apologized breathlessly.

“Shh! Doesn’t matter.” He replied. He kissed me softly and pulled back. “We should do something else.” He laughed. He held out a hand and helped me sit back up on the couch.

“I don’t want to do something else.” I complained. “I want to make up for lost time.”

“I do too, but I can’t promise that I’ll stick to just kissing.” Josh admitted.

“Me too…” I replied. It was true, I was already about to rip his shirt off.

“Um, Nazi Zombies?” He suggested.

“Whatever.” I sighed.

“Look, there will be plenty of time for kissing later.” He said, flashing his gorgeous grin my way.

“Don’t do that!” I groaned.

“What?” He asked.

“Smile…” I said with a laugh. “You look too damn cute when you smile like that.”

“I’ll just do this for the rest of the night then.” He said, raising a hand to cover his mouth. I rolled my eyes jokingly and focused my attention on the stack of games in front of the television, looking for Call of Duty 5. If I kept staring at the man sitting mere inches away from me, I was pretty sure I’d go insane.

 

JOSH’S POV

After an hour or two of Nazi Zombies in Call of Duty, Hayley had all but passed out on my lap. I looked down at her and grinned, her eyes were closed peacefully and her red hair was splayed out over my jeans. How had this happened? Earlier today she couldn’t even talk to me and now… well, now was better.

I pinched myself, just to be sure I wasn’t dreaming, and flinched as I felt the pain. I smiled and shook my head. It had been a crazy journey, but at least we were together now.

“You alright?” Hayley mumbled as she felt me flinch.

“Yeah, fine.” I replied. “Just making sure this is all real.”

She laughed shortly and sat up. “I know, I can barely believe it. If it is a dream, I don’t want to wake up.”

“Me too.” I agreed. “I’ll be right back.” I kissed her quickly and stood up to use the bathroom.

When I returned, Hayley was nowhere to be found. “Damn it!” I groaned. I knew I shouldn’t have left her alone. She’d probably come to her senses and ran off.

As I was about to walk over to the door, I heard a faint sneeze come from my bedroom. I grinned to myself and hurried over. As I pushed the door open, there was Hayley standing in the middle of the room in one of my Jimmy Eat World shirts and a pair of my boxers.

“Thought I might as well get comfortable since it’s getting really late and it doesn’t seem like I’ll be leaving any time soon…” She said quietly. “Sorry, should have asked first I guess…”

“No, no, it’s fine.” I smiled. “It’s more than fine.” I walked over to my dresser and pulled out an old white t-shirt. I pulled the one I was wearing over my head and threw it aside. Sure, I could have changed in the bathroom, or waited for Hayley to leave and give me some privacy, but this was more fun. I turned to look at her and laughed, she looked like a deer caught in headlights.

“Shirt on!” She ordered. Hmm… obey or tease… I opted for ‘tease’ and unbuttoned my jeans with a sly smile.

“Josh!” Hayley squealed as my pants fell down to my ankles.

“What? If you’re getting comfortable, why can’t I?” I asked with a grin. Hayley scowled and turned around. “Besides, it’s not like you haven’t seen me in my boxers before.” I reminded. Some nights on the tour bus were far too warm…

“That was different! I didn’t know I liked you then.” She replied. I walked over to her and wrapped my arms around her from behind.

“Joooooosh.” She complained.

“Just one kiss.” I whispered. “Then I’ll put a shirt on if you still want me to.” I moved her hair out of the way and kissed her neck gently. She relaxed into my arms and turned around to face me. Her arms snaked around my neck and she slowly moved her head toward mine. My insides jolted as our lips met and before I knew it, she was nibbling at my lip ring. I don’t think she could even begin to imagine how much of a tease she was when she did that. I fought the hormones that threatened to cloud over my brain, but I was quickly losing the fight.

“Ok, shirt on now.” Hayley said as she pulled away without warning. I groaned in complaint, but grabbed the ratty white shirt and pulled it over my head.

“I’m not sexy in this though.” I grumbled, gesturing to what I was wearing.

“Uh, yeah you are.” Hayley replied with a short laugh. “I’m the one who’s not sexy.”

“Are you kidding?!” I replied in slight disbelief. “You look amazing in my clothes.” She rolled her eyes and shook her head.

“I’m swimming in your clothes.” She laughed. They’re huge!”

“Are you calling me fat?” I asked trying to look hurt.

“Yes.” She replied with a serious look on her face. I looked her in the eyes and pouted. “Alright! Alright! Fine! You’re not fat.” She laughed. “You don’t have to use the puppy dog eyes.” I smiled happily and hopped onto my bed. Hayley hesitated for a few seconds, obviously unsure of what to do. I pulled back the covers, and patted the empty spot on the bed next to me. She grinned and climbed in, cuddling up next to me.

“It’s been a long day…” I said with a yawn.

“Mmhmm.” Hayley agreed. “Good one though.”

“Great one.” I smiled. She rested her head on my shoulder and placed her arm across my waist.

“Why didn’t I do this sooner?” She sighed. “You’re comfy.”

“Well, you have the rest of your life to use me as a pillow.” I joked. I felt her grin happily against my shoulder.

“Good.” She replied. “I don’t wanna give you up.” I smiled and kissed the top of her head.

“Me either.” I whispered. “I love you.”

“I love you, too.” Hayley smiled. “Just took a while for me to realize.” I shut my eyes and relaxed into the soft mattress. I could tell I was going to sleep well tonight for once.

“Josh?” Hayley asked hesitantly after a few moments of silence.

“Mmhmm?” I replied sleepily.

“Thanks for not giving up on me…” She whispered. I shifted in bed so I was hovering over her slightly.

“I would never have fully given up on you.” I assured. I knew I had always told myself I would, but I could never make myself do it. “I’m glad you came around.” I added with a smile. I kissed her forehead before settling back into bed. She buried her head into my chest, and fell asleep in minutes.

That night, I fell asleep with a smile. For the first time in months, I was genuinely happy. And, so long as I had Hayley, I’d always be happy.

---

I really dislike this ending. Like SOOOOOOOO much… ugh. I feel like this whole story didn't really live up to all it could have been. :/ Oh well, I can always redo it sometime I suppose.

I may end up posting an epilogue at some point, since there really isn’t a whole lot of Joshayley togetherness in this fic. We’ll see.
For now though, I’m going to focus on YOD.

Thanks to everyone for the comments and buzz! You all rock so much! :)

Thanks everyone for the questions! I might do this again sometime, it was fun. :)

 

---

 

Jazz:

1) why are these Q&A things so popular all of a sudden?
Hehe, I don't know. I just saw Claire and a few others do it and it looked like fun. :)

2) Where do you find inspiration for your fics?
Mostly from music. I dunno why, but certain songs just make me think and before I know it, I have half a story written. So far, I've found that Death Cab and Jimmy Eat World tend to make me write the most, haha.
Also, this is gonna sound corny, but some of it is from life. Like with Ethan in YOD, half the things he does in the story are things my little cousin does, but with some added twists.

3) What was your first thought when you first heard a Paramore song/what made you love Paramore's music?
The first song I heard was Emergency on the Warped '06 CD. I thought it was a great song and I remember being surprised that a girl fronted the band adn that she could sing so well. I thought it was awesome. I guess the thing that really makes me like Paramore is the fact that they really worked to get to where they are now. I also loooove the lyrics and the music, it just makes me happy, haha.

 

Paija:

1) what would be your ultimate lineup for a tour?
Oh geez... This is tough... uhmmmmmm (two days later) This local band called The Goodnight Process (they need some work, but they're great!) Paramore (Obviously) annnnnnd... gah! So many... Death Cab or Jimmy I think. Wow, I'm really indecisive. It honestly took me like an hour to answer this. And I know I'll change my mind again...

2) favorite cereal?
I really like Lucky Charms, haha. And Cap'n Crunch.

3) what made you decide to start writing?
I've always loved writing stories, I don't really know where it started anymore. I had never done fanfiction before though. I actually was in the process of reading "All We Know" and I loooooooved it. That story and a few others made me want to post the then small idea I had for MFEO.

 

Leila:

1) how'd you get into buzznet?
Mainly, reading other people's stories. I started thinking 'Oh! What if Josh and Hayley did this... or what if the band did that...' and before I knew it I had the middle of MFEO planned in my head and I decided I wanted to share. :) as for how did I find stories? Originally I was looking at band pics and I stumbled upon the wonderful world of Paramore stories. Don't really remember how I found buzznet though. Probably from paramoremusic or something, haha.

2) what's your favorite book?
Oooooo… I really like ‘The Perks of Being a Wallflower’ but I haven’t read it in aaaaaaaaaaaages. I also like the Harry Potter series, ‘cause I’m a dork like that :D

 

jujurocks:

1) Have you ever karate chopped an inanimate object?
Of course! I karate chopped a table today, haha

2) What's the crazziest thing you've ever seen?
Haha! Recently, two girls who were dressed in the exact same outfit beating each other up. They were mad that they wore the same outfit and apparently they were best friends. They were really wailing on each other!
An hour later, they were walking around with their arms around each other laughing and having a great time… ahh the things you see at Warped…

3) Whenever you go to the gym, do you dress like Alex Gaskarth in the Coffee Shop Soundtrack music video?
Haha, no! But I’m totally going to now! :D Too bad I’m too lazy for the gym.

 

Katie (DontComeLookingForMe):

1) If you were stranded on a desert island with 5 people of your choice, who would they be?
Hmm. By bestest buddy… Josh Farro :D… my aunt because she’s a good cook and I like food… a certain friend who knows what ‘jmm and manno’ means (haha, wow I'm weird...) annnnd… Ellen Degeneres because I’m watching her show right now and she’s hilarious.
Actually, any 5 buzznetters would do, hehe.

2) What is your all time favorite fan fiction?
Oh no! You can’t do that! Ahhhhh don’t make me pick! >.< Ummmmmm… Honestly, I don’t really have a favorite. Just favorite authors. I like Amanda’s, Katie’s, yours, Paija’s Leena’s, Laura’s and sooooooo many more… Oh, man! Now I miss Molly all over again :/

3) Why don't you want your friends or family to know you write?
*blushes*
I don’t really know I guess. Some of them know I like to write… but they don’t know what about. I don’t think anyone would really be bothered by it, but I know I’d be teased to no end. And part of it is the thrill I think. Like, the thrill of having a secret?
I did actually tell one of my friends this past weekend because I knew she’d understand. She was cool about it, which was encouraging, but now I have to trust that she’ll keep quiet, haha. I didn’t show her anything though… hmm.

 

Lilacrymosa:

1) would you rather be Josh Farro's sis or his girlfriend?
First instinct: girlfriend! Hahaha. Buuuuuuuuuuut a sister would always be there. Girlfriends can be dumped…
I’m still going with my first instinct though, I’d rather be his gf! Hahah.

 

singmetosleep:

1) What annoys you the most?
At this particular moment, rude people! Haha. I was waiting for a signing yesterday at Warped and this girl walked up and tried to cut in line, saying she was there before me, but she had left to watch another band for a few minutes. She elbowed me in the stomach! She didn’t get to have anything signed in the end though :D

 

Luke:

1) where do babies come from?
Hahahaha. The Grinch! Duh…

 

brightredstar:

1) If you are given the chance to meet any musician you want (dead or alive) who would you pick?
Hmm… I’d love to meet… Ben Gibbard. Ah, he’s amazing.

2) If you were only allowed to listen to one song for the rest of your life what song would you pick and why?
Oh no! hmm… omg this is hard! Haha. I guesssssss My Heart by Paramore… or If It Means a Lot to You by ADTR

 

---

 

New chapter of '23' coming later tonight or tomorrow. 'YOD' by the end of the week (I hope)!

Hola! Three things:

1) I'll be leaving for Boston tomorrow. No internet. I'll be back Wednesday. So no updates until at least Thursday (unless I manage to write tonight.)

2) Hopefully I get my computer back this week. So that means, once I get it back, TONS of updates to make up for the lack of updates over the last few weeks. :D

Annnnnnnnnnnnnnnd:

3) I'm jumping on the bandwagon! Ask me questions, I will answer! (as best I can... haha) Should be fun! :) I'll start working on answers when I get back. :)

I typed this up in an email and saved as a draft again. Ran it through a grammar check quickly, but I probably missed some things.

It’s mostly fillerrrrrrrrrrrr. Sorry, haha.

---

Hayley looked at the clock and groaned, it was time to take Ethan to Josh's house. This past week had flown by much to quickly for her liking. Josh called nearly every day to reconfirm that Ethan was still coming over. This also reconfirmed the fact that no, Hayley had not had a nightmare, she really had run in to Josh and she really was taking her son to meet the jerk.

She rolled her eyes and groaned as she thought back to the night she had run in to Josh, that had been a major mistake on her part. She was thoroughly angry with herself for...er... falling into his arms that night... Definitely shouldn't have done that.

"Mommy!" Ethan cried from upstairs. Hayley groaned. He had actually woken up from his nap on time for once. She was hoping he would sleep in and she could avoid Josh just that much longer.

"Coming baby." Hayley called as she walked up the stairs. "How was your nap?" Ethan smiled and gave her a thumbs up gesture. Thank you for that, Uncle Jeremy...

"Alright." Hayley smiled. "Ready to go meet Josh?" Ethan nodded happily; he had been looking forward to this all week. Hayley had been telling him a little bit about Josh over the past few days, to prepare him for the big day. However, she conveniently forgot to mention the little piece about Josh being "daddy"...

~*~

"It'll be fine, Josh." Jeremy assured as Josh paced around his apartment. Josh grunted in response and continued pacing.

"Anyone home?" Sarah called from the doorway.

"In here, babe!" Jeremy replied.

"Come on Sammy, don't be shy!" Sarah laughed, pushing her son into the room.

"Hi Mr. N." Samuel said quietly.

"Oh, come on, Sam! You remember Uncle Josh don't you?" Jeremy asked with a smile. Samuel frowned and shook his head.

"That's Mr. N!" He insisted.

"Yeah, but I'm also your uncle Josh." Josh explained. "We used to live on a bus together, remember?"

Sam thought hard, and placed his tiny hand on his chin. "I remember the bus..." He said finally. "Are you really my uncle?!"

Josh laughed. "I am!" He assured.

"Whoa!" Samuel grinned.

"I'll show you some pictures when we get home." Sarah said quickly. "We have to get going though, auntie Hayley should be here soon, she and Uncle Josh need some alone time with Ethan."

Right on cue, there was a knock on the door. Josh ran for the door, excited and nervous all at once. He paused at the door, took a deep breath, and opened it smoothly.

"Hello." He said.

"Whatever." Hayley replied quietly. She walked past him, Ethan in her arms, and walked into the living room. "Nice place." She called over her shoulder. "Sarah! Hey!" She said excitedly as she spotted her friends.

"We were just leaving." Sarah said firmly. Hayley pouted at her, trying to convince her to stay so she wouldn't have to be alone with Josh, but it was no use. Sarah walked by her with Sam, hugged Hayley quickly and headed out the door.

"It'll be fine." Jeremy smiled, hugging Hayley. "We're only a phone call away if you really need us." Hayley sighed and watched her friends abandon her.

"Uh, hi." Josh said after everyone left.

"Hi." Hayley said quietly. She set Ethan on the ground and unpacked a few toys. "Ethan, this is Josh." She smiled at her son. Ethan giggled and waived shyly.

"Um... Hayley..." Josh said slowly. "Are you going to tell him who I am?" Josh asked quietly.

"I did, you're Josh." Hayley replied through her teeth.

"Hayley!" He said a bit louder than he meant. Ethan looked up, confused, and frowned.

"EJ, how about you play with your toys while Josh and I talk in the other room for a little while." Hayley suggested. Ethan nodded slowly, but didn't look too thrilled at the thought. Josh all but dragged Hayley into the kitchen and spun her around quickly.

"What the hell, Hayley?" He fumed quietly. "Why won't you tell him who I am?"

"Right now, you're just Josh." Hayley said calmly. "Let me explain!" She said as he opened his mouth to protest. "I can't risk you leaving again. It will kill Ethan to meet his father only to have you disappear again."

"I'm not going anywhere!" Josh insisted.

"Judging by your past record, I can't say that I trust you." Hayley replied. "I just don't want to see him get hurt. Especially by you."

"Hayley, I am his father! He deserves to know!" Josh argued.

"I know! He does, but I'd like to wait a bit and see how things go first." Hayley said. "I don't want to overwhelm him."

"I'm not ok with this. Not at all." Josh spat.

"Yeah, well at least I'm letting you see him!" Hayley spat. "You barely even deserve that after everything you've done!"

"This is bullshit!" Josh said through glared teeth. He hurried into the living room, before he said anything he'd regret too much, and sat next to Ethan to cool down. After a few deep breaths, he turned to Ethan and smiled.

"Hey little guy!" He said, making Ethan look up at him. "Wow, look at you..." He whispered. Ethan giggled and handed over a toy car. He stared at Josh intently, now that the strange man was down at his level, and a slow grin spread across his face.

"Daddy!'" He yelled excitedly. Josh's heart stopped and he grinned, holding a hand over his mouth in amazement. "Daddy! Daddy! Daddy!" Ethan repeated happily, pointing to Josh's face.

"Shit!" Hayley muttered to herself.

"H-how does he..." Josh started.

"Bo-family." Hayley muttered.

"What?" Josh asked.

"He has me draw a 'bo-family' at home. It's my face, his face, Jeremy, Sarah, Samuel and sometimes you." She explained quickly. "Your face has that stupid lip ring."

"Smart kid" Josh said proudly.

"Too smart." Hayley grumbled. Ethan crawled over to Josh and reached for the shiny metal hoop that Josh still sported on his lip.

"Ethan! You can't just stick your fingers in people's mouths!" Hayley laughed, rushing over to pull him back.

"It's ok." Josh laughed. He opened his mouth and pretended to eat Ethan's fingers, making the toddler shriek and giggle happily.

Hayley looked on as Josh spent the rest of the afternoon bonding with Ethan. The two year old warmed up to Josh so quickly that it honestly surprised Hayley. It usually took Ethan a few hours to really interact with someone new. She felt her throat close as she watched the two, they really looked like father and son. They shared so many quirks and Ethan had inherited Josh’s deep chocolate eyes and same pouty lips.

Josh suddenly turned to Hayley and held out his hand. “Come on Mommy, come play with us!” Hayley glared at him dangerously, they were not a family. They were simply two people who accidentally had a child together.

“Momma! You sit here.” Ethan smiled and pointed to a patch of carpet next to him. Hayley smiled and sat down, kissing the top of Ethan’s head as she sat.

“What are we playing?” Hayley asked as she pulled her son into her lap.

“Making tea.” Ethan replied, holding up an empty toy cup. “Drink!” He ordered. Hayley took the cup and pressed it to her lips.

“Mmm! Tasty!” She grinned, smacking her lips together. “Thank you, EJ.”

“More!” He said, hopping up and running for the nearest window.

“Windowsills make tea.” Hayley informed as Ethan held the cup under the corner of the window.

“Ah.” Josh smiled. “I see.”

“Here Daddy!” Ethan called as he turned around and ran for Josh. “Oops!” Ethan gasped, stopping at once. “Made a mess…” he giggled.

“Uh oh. That’s why we don’t run with big boy cups.” Hayley smiled. Josh laughed quietly and watched Ethan hurry back to the window to ‘refill’. This time, he walked back to Josh slowly.

“Careful Dada. Hot!” The two year old informed.

“Ouch!” Josh gasped as he took a sip of ‘tea’. “It’s very hot.”

“Ethan, where are you going?” Hayley asked as he ran for the front door. “We’re staying inside today, it’s rainy out there.” Ethan looked over his shoulder and reached for the door handle slowly.

“Ethan, no. Not right now. We’ll go outside when it’s not raining.” Hayley said.

“I’ll go get him.” Josh said, preparing to stand up.

“No, don’t. He’s just testing.” Hayley replied. “He knows he’ll be in trouble if he actually goes out. He needs to learn to stop doing things without someone physically stopping him.”

“Ethan, come back here buddy, I’ll take you outside next time you come visit.” Josh called.

“Now!” Ethan replied in complaint.

“Ethan, come back here.” Hayley said firmly. The toddler pulled down on the door handle with a sly grin.

“Ethan…” Josh warned. Ethan pulled the door open a few inches with a giggle.

“Ethan Joshua!” Hayley said dangerously as he swung the door open. Ethan stopped immediately and turned to face Hayley with a pout.

“Momma!” He complained.

“Can you close the door please?” Hayley asked. Ethan pulled it shut and trudged back to the living room, angrily. “Thank you.” Hayley smiled. Ethan fell to the ground and crossed his arms, annoyed at Hayley for keeping him inside.

“His… his middle name is Joshua?” Josh asked, a smile spreading across his face. It was Ethan’s initials. Hayley blushed and shrugged. Suddenly the nickname, EJ, made sense.

“Yep…” Hayley replied, regretting the fact that she’d used Ethan’s full name. She rubbed her forehead in frustration and sighed.

“It’s ok, mommy.” Ethan patted her arm. “We have fun inside.” Hayley laughed and nodded.

“Ethan Joshua…” Josh mused as Ethan went back to his toy cars. “I like that. Ethan Joshua Far-”

“Williams.” Hayley said strongly. Josh nodded.

“Ethan Joshua Williams.” He corrected. “Good name.” Hayley nodded and smiled.

“Alright, it’s getting late. We should get going so I can get him dinner and get him to bed.” Hayley sighed. “Come on Ethan, say goodbye to Daddy.” Josh smiled widely, it was the first time she had referred to him as ‘Daddy’.

“Don’t get used to it.” Hayley snapped quickly as she realized what she’d done.

“No!” Ethan frowned. “I don’t wanna.”

“It’s time for dinner.” Hayley said. “Then it’s story time! We can read two books tonight if you want.” She bribed. She began gathering his toys and throwing them into a diaper bag.

“No Momma!” Ethan yelled, hitting her arm. Hayley sighed and continued putting toys in the bag.

“Ethan!” Josh said loudly. The toddler looked up in shock. “Ethan, buddy, you can’t hit people.” Josh informed, in a calmer voice. Ethan frowned and focused his attention back on his toys.

“You made Mommy sad when you hit her.” Josh said. “Look.” Ethan looked up and Hayley quickly pouted and rubbed her arm.

“That hurt my feelings.” She said.

“No! I sowwy Momma!” Ethan said hurriedly.

“It’s ok, but don’t hit please.” Hayley replied. He nodded and crawled over, planting a wet kiss on her arm. “All better?”

Hayley smiled and nodded. “We have to go though, say goodbye, please.” Ethan crawled over to Josh and waived.

“Can I have a hug?” Josh asked. Ethan nodded and hugged Josh quickly. Hayley scooped Ethan into her arms and turned to Josh.

“I guess we’ll talk later and find out another time to meet up?” He asked hopefully. Hayley nodded with a smile.

“You know, you’re not as bad as I remember…” She laughed.

Josh grinned and puffed out his chest proudly. “Can you give Daddy a kiss?” Hayley asked Ethan. He blushed and leaned forward toward Josh, kissing his cheek lightly. Josh grinned and kissed the top of Ethan’s head. “Mwah!” He said as he pulled back. Ethan giggled and buried his head in Hayley’s shoulder.

“Bye.” Hayley smiled faintly. “See you later I guess.”

“See you…” Josh replied quietly. He leaned in quickly and kissed her cheek. She glared at him, but didn’t make a scene. It seemed slightly hypocritical to yell at him for something that made her insides flip-flop.

“Bye bye, Dada.” Ethan yawned as Hayley made her way to the door.

“Bye bye, Ethan.”

---

So, I made this chapter a bit longer because I honestly don't think I'll be able to update for a little while. I have nothing written for the next chapter of "YOD" or "23" at this point. I've had a hard time getting access to a computer this week and I'm going through a bit of a rough patch right now.

I'll have access to the computer I'm at now for a few hours today and I'll try to write, but I don't know if I'll be able to.

Wrtiting (and Ethan!) make me happy though, so we'll see, hehe. I'll update as soon as I can.

All I know so far, is that the next chapter is where things start to get a bit more ...interesting. *evil grin* :D

Ok, so I managed to get a hold of a computer to write a bit. No grammar check though. I caught as much as I could! Sorry for mistakes.

I had a lot planned for this, but I just can't focus on it anymore. I keep going back to "Your Own Disaster" instead of writing this, lol. So, I'll be wrapping this one up pretty quickly. I just can't focus enough to come up with filler between the 'big' things.

---

JOSH’S POV

One month… It had been one full month since Hayley and I had last talked. I missed her so much, but at the same time I was glad to be away from her. Thinking about her made me scowl, but it also made my heart skip a beat. I was a wreck.

Jeremy had called a band meeting for this afternoon to discuss 'the band', which we all knew really meant 'see if Josh and Hayley have sorted out their shit' yet. I was confident that Hayley and I could be civil for the afternoon, at least for everyone else's sake. Then, we would probably go back to not talking. But whatever, so long as we had Paramore, I think I was ok with that.

As usual, Hayley was late. Not that it was a surprise, especially for today. If she was feeling at all like I was, she was dreading this little meeting. I pulled out my guitar and started playing a new song I had been working on while we waited, and soon enough, Zac kicked in with the drums, followed by Taylor and Jeremy.

I grinned as we just sat there and jammed, I had missed this so much. Whatever we were playing sounded like crap, but at least we were doing something and having fun. As our song came to an end, we heard clapping from the doorway. I turned around and there she was.

“Woohoo! Nice.” Hayley laughed.

“Thank you, thank you. Thank you very much.” Taylor bowed. Hayley rolled her eyes and walked into the room.

“So…” She said, looking around. “Music first? Or ‘the talk’ first?” She asked.

“Depends.” Jeremy replied, looking from her to me. “How are things?”

“Better.” We both replied at once. He raised an eyebrow, obviously not believing us.

“Not fighting anymore.” I corrected. “We’re working through it, everything will be fine.” I assured. Jeremy sighed.

“Alright, whatever. In that case, come on guys let’s get lunch.” He gestured toward Zac and Taylor. “Not you two!” He added as Hayley and I began to follow. “You two go to lunch on your own or something. Just figure things out. Please!” He said seriously. “I want the old Paramore back. Not this 'walking on eggshells around each other' crap.”

I sighed and sat down in a nearby chair. Zac gave me an apologetic look as he followed Jeremy out the door, but I shook my head at him. Jeremy was right, it was about time Hayley and I talked. I looked up at her from my seat and smiled. Her hair was up in a messy ponytail and she was pacing around the room.

Damn, now that I saw her, all the feelings came rushing back full force. So much for the teeny tiny start on getting over her…

“Uh, Josh…” She finally spoke. I looked up at her and nodded. “I’m so sorry. I… could have handled that situation a bit better…”

I laughed quietly. “Me too…” I replied.

“But, we just can’t. It’s too hard on the band and… I’m sorry but I just, I don’t… I don’t feel the same way.” She finished, looking away. I totally didn’t believe her, but I nodded anyway.

“Ok.” I sighed. I was officially giving it all up. For real this time. She felt that the band was more important, I could understand and respect that. I wish she had the guts to admit she at least had feelings though. Hiding her feelings wasn’t doing anyone any good.

“I have a date tonight anyway.” I put in, just to see what would happen. It wasn’t technically false information, I was going out with Taylor and Zac…

Hayley’s eyes went wide but she quickly covered up. “Oh, well, me too.” She said quietly. I forced a smile and stood up.

“Alright, well I’d better get going.” I said, walking over to Hayley. She nodded slowly and walked up to me. She wrapped her arms around me and pulled me into an unexpected hug.

“Can we please be friends again?” She asked quietly as she hugged.

“Uh, yeah. Yeah, of course.” I replied, slightly shocked by her actions. I felt her smile into my shoulder and she quickly pulled away.

“Alright, well, see you later then.” She smiled.

~*~

“You guys up for another round?” Taylor asked. He, Zac and I were having a friendly little bowling tournament. Ok, ok. It was more like I was having my ass handed to me by Taylor and my little brother. I was never a particularly good bowler…

“I’m game. I’m gonna get some nachos first though.” I replied. The bowling alley had the best nachos ever. It had sort of become a tradition for me to get them while I was here.

“Nachos aren’t going to help you play any better.” Taylor teased.. I flipped him off and walked toward the food counter.

As I made my way closer to the front of the line, I couldn’t help but notice the girl in front of me. She was rather gorgeous. At least from behind… I debated whether or not to say hi, or offer to buy her food or something cheesy like that, but I didn’t have the guts. I just wasn’t that kind of guy. Then again… I was supposed to be getting over Hayley.

While I internally debated with myself, I didn’t notice hot girl turn around. “Josh? Is that you?”

Ok, that was hot girl talking… why was hot girl talking to me? I looked up quickly and froze.

“Bri?!” I gasped.

“Hey!” She grinned, pulling me into a hug. “How are you?”

“Uh… good.” I replied. Of course hot girl had to be Bri… Just my luck. “How are you?” I asked politely.

“Much better.” She replied. “I’m on medication for depression.” She informed, in a strangely proud manner.

“Depression?” I asked in disbelief.

“I know, right?!” She smiled.

“I would have guessed Bi-Polar…” I mused.

“Me too.” She laughed. While we waited for our food, we talked. I had forgotten how easy it was to talk to Bri. I never had to worry about what I was going to say next. It just happened, it was natural.

I ended up paying for her pizza and my nachos and we sat at a nearby table to continue catching up. It turned out she was here with a few girlfriends and was dating some guy she met at school. Apparently they were really happy together.

I was happy for her, really, but I couldn’t help but be a bit jealous. She was supposed to be the crazy one with no significant other, not me! What is wrong with the world?

“So, you’re here with Hayley?” Bri asked suddenly as we threw our plates in the trash and made our way back to the lanes.

“Nope..” I replied with a forced smile. “Zac and Taylor.” I added, nodding to lane 12 where they had apparently started the next game without me.

“Oh… why aren’t you all playing together?” She asked.

“Uh…” I replied, confused. “I guess we never really thought to ask her?” Bri laughed and pointed to lane 5, a few yards away from us. There She was, red hair and all, getting ready to take her turn. I bit my lip, searching for whoever Hayley was here with and sighed in relief as I spotted Hannah and a few other friends. She wasn’t here with a guy, thank God.

“So I take it you two aren’t together yet?” Bri asked, a sly smile on her face.

“What? No.” I said, a bit flustered, “I've told you before, don’t like her…”

“Liar...” Bri laughed. “Have you told her?”

“We’re not really on speaking terms right now.” I mumbled.

“Oh my gosh!” Bri said, rolling her eyes. “Come here.” She grabbed my arm and hauled me toward Hayley’s lane. We stopped about ten feet away, and Bri turned to face me.

“Play along.” She said quietly. She laughed loudly and put her hand on my chest. “You are too funny!” She said.

“Uh… what?” I asked, confused.

“I owe you! Go with it!” She hissed. “Oh, Josh, I’ve missed you!” She said seconds later, loud enough to grab Hayley’s attention. I grinned as I realized what she was doing and put my hands on Bri’s waist.

“I missed you too.” I replied. She leaned in and I kissed her. She moaned softly, for show, and pulled away, winking at me.

“Well, I should go… I’ll talk to you later?” She asked. I nodded, slightly shocked from the kiss, and waived. She turned quickly and walked away.

 

HAYLEY’S POV

WHAT. THE. FUCK! Why was he kissing her?! More importantly, why was I so pissed off about it?

Damn it, I wasn’t over him, was I? ...great

“Go get him!” Bri whispered as she walked past me.

“What?” I snarled. She rolled her eyes.

“Please tell me you realize you like him now.” She sighed.

“What the hell are you talking about?” I asked.

“You’re pissed now, right?” Bri asked. “So, that means you like him! Go get him!”

“But you just ki…”

“I just got you to realize you like him!” Bri laughed. God, I hate her…

“That was-”

“Fake! Yes, go!” She urged before hurrying away.

“Uh, Hayley… can we talk?” Josh asked quietly. I jumped, not realizing he had come over.

“Of course!” Hannah answered for me, shoving me toward him. My heart skipped a beat as his warm hand grabbed hold of my wrist. I let him pull me outside, and I sat down on the hood of my car as I tried to sort out the billions of thoughts screaming through my mind. What the hell had just happened? One minute I was bowling happily with friends, the next I was watching Josh and Bri kiss. Then she says it was all a joke and I’m outside with Josh. What the hell?!

“So…” He started.

“So…” I replied, staring at my feet. “I feel like I’m in high school right now…” I laughed.

“Me too.” He smiled. After a few more minutes of silence, he cleared his throat.

“Well… I guess I don’t actually have much to say, besides the stuff you already know.” Josh started. I nodded and bit my lip.

“This is the last time…” He said quietly. “I promise.”

“Last time for what?” I asked, looking up at him. He leaned in and kissed me slowly. I froze, and before I even had a chance to respond, his lips were gone and he was walking away.

“Josh…” I whispered, unable to take a breath in. He didn’t hear me, but he did look over his shoulder with a small shrug before jogging to his car.

“Oh good lord, woman!” Bri cried from the entryway to the bowling lanes.

“You like him Hayley!” Hannah added. “It’s ok to like him!”

“W-what do I do?” I said, more to myself than to either of the girls.

“Go get him for God’s sake!” Bri laughed.

“I’m dead bolting the door to the apartment so you can’t get back in until you two have…talked…” Hannah smiled, raising her eyebrows suggestively.

“This is so confusing!” I wailed. Too many people were telling me what I should be doing. I couldn’t hear myself think. It was obvious what they wanted, but what did I want?

“Hayley,” Hannah said, grabbing my hand, “just go.”

I turned around and yanked my car door open. Screw the band, I wanted Josh.

 

---

Yahoo sucks. I had all this written out and saved as a draft, and it was GONE the next day :( boo

P.S. Buzznet TOTALLY messed up the formatting more than normal when I copy/pasted. Sorry if things looked a little strange.

New chapter for "YOD" should be up sometime this week.

Part 2! :) Kinda short, sorry. I have two more pre-written chapters, but they need major editing, so it may be a little while before they're up.

I want my computer back! :(

---

 

-Part 2-

(Still 3 Years Ago)

A few hours later, after everyone else was back and curious to find out what was going on, Hayley got a text message.

“Josh wants to see me outside. I’ll be back.” Hayley said hurriedly. She ran off the bus and looked around for Josh.

She gasped in shock as someone grabbed her hand gently and smiled as she recognized the warm calloused fingers that wrapped themselves around her wrist. “Josh!” She said, turning to face him. He had a smile on and he led her away from the bus, not saying a word. He lead her to the edge of the parking lot they were in and pulled her close, resting one hand on her stomach gently.

“I love you.” He whispered.

“I love you too.” Hayley replied. “But if you ever walk off like that again-” he cut her off with a kiss. Hayley moaned and kissed back, slipping her tongue between his lips. She ran her fingers through his hair and he pressed himself against her.

“Wait, wait, no.” Josh backed away as things began to get heavy. Hayley giggled and bit his neck gently. “Hayley, wait.” He insisted.

“Whaaaat?” She asked in complaint, not moving away from his sensitive neck.

“Listen to me!” Josh laughed, pushing her away gently. “I see the hormones are in full swing already!” Hayley rolled her eyes but didn’t otherwise respond.

“I love you,” He started.

“I love you too.” Hayley sighed impatiently.

“AND!” He continued. “I think this baby is a blessing.” He smiled. “I’ve always loved you, Hayley.” He sunk down to one knee.

“W-what are you doing?” Hayley gasped.

“The right thing.” Josh replied with a smile. “Hayley Nichole Williams, will you make me the happiest father-to-be? Will you marry me?” He pulled out a black velvet box and revealed a simple ring with a single small diamond set in it. It was the best he could find on such short notice.

Shock filled Hayley, rage not far behind. “You have got to be kidding." She muttered.

Josh frowned. “I… no, I’m serious! I love you! I want to be there for you and the baby.” He replied. Hayley shook her head.

“Get up!” She ordered. Josh stood up slowly, confused. “Josh, we can’t get engaged! Not yet anyway.”

“Why not?” Josh asked quietly.

“I don’t want to get engaged because of the baby, I want to get engaged because you love me!” Hayley informed.

“But… I do love you.” He replied.

“I love you too, but right now, the main reason you’re proposing is because of the baby.” She said quietly. “It was fine for Jeremy and Sarah, because Jeremy already had the ring, he was already planning on proposing when they found out she was pregnant. But this…” She gestured to the grimy rest stop that surrounded them. “This is not the way to propose, Josh.”

“Hayley, I love you! I want to get married!” Josh insisted.

“I know, and I do too, but now’s not the right time.” Hayley said quietly. “I promise the next time you ask, I’ll say yes.” Josh got ready to kneel once more. “So long as that next time is in at least nine months!” Hayley corrected. Josh stopped and stood up straight once more.

“Hayley… I don’t understand…” He said. “I love you, you love me, we both want to get married, why not say yes?”

Hayley paused, was she being selfish by wanting the proposal to mean something more than ‘we’re having a baby, better get married now’? She didn’t think so…

“We can still do husband and wife things…” Hayley pointed out. “We can find a place and raise this baby together.”

“Hayley I… I don’t know if I can be a father without being a husband. You’re supposed to be married before you even make a baby!” He admitted.

“Josh…” Hayley’s heart sank. “I can’t… I want this to actually mean something. I want this to be about us and not about the baby.”

“It is about us!” Josh roared.

“No, it’s not, Josh! When I asked what you were doing, you said ‘the right thing’! That’s not proposing out of love! That’s proposing out of… I don’t know ...responsibility or something! That’s not what I want!” Hayley replied. “That won’t make a happy marriage. We should wait until we’re actually ready.”

“Hayley, you’re being stupid!” Josh argued back.

“No, really, I’m not!” She said. “We may not even have this baby! I didn’t know I was pregnant so I’ve been jumping around on stage like crazy, staying up late, not eating properly, this baby may not even make it!”

“W-what?” He asked.

“You didn’t exactly give me a chance to talk too much earlier…” She mumbled. “But the doctor said there was some concern about the development of the baby due to lifestyle. It’s a pretty slim chance that something will be wrong, but still…” Josh didn’t say anything for a long time.

“Hayley… yes or no.” He asked quietly.

“Josh, you can’t make me chose like this! The only reason you're proposing right now is because you feel like you have to." She replied.

“Yes or no?” He repeated.

“I- Josh, I love you!” Hayley said, tears burning at her eyes. “Please don’t do this. We both just need a few days to think.” She begged.

“Hayley!” He roared. “Yes or no.”

“Josh-”

“YES OR NO! It’s an easy answer.” He cut her off. Hayley stood, stunned. It was not at all an easy answer.

“I – I can’t…” She said quietly. “Not like this.”

“Then I can’t be a father right now.” Josh said.

“Josh!” Hayley yelled as he began to walk away. “You have no choice! It’s your baby! You’re going to be a father whether you want to be or not!” She ran after him as he kept walking.

“Look at me!” She roared, grabbing his shoulder and spinning him around. Tears were streaming down her face, and by the looks of it, he was about to cry as well.

“Josh, we can do this.” She said, reassuringly. “We can! Look at Jeremy, Sarah and Samuel.”

“Jeremy and Sarah are married.” Josh pointed out. “I’m sorry Hayley, but this is just how I feel.”

“You would rather force me to marry you than to help me through this like a good boyfriend?” Hayley asked.

“It’s not like that…”

“It is though, Josh! If I say yes, it will be purely against my will. I’m not saying yes just to get you to be there. That’s not fair.” She said. “Please, don’t leave Josh. I love you. I need you.”

“I love you too…” He said quietly. “But I just… I’m sorry, it’s just what I believe.”

“You’re a fucking asshole!” Hayley burst out as he walked away once more. She hurried to get in front of him and slapped him as hard as she could. “You don’t deserve to be a father.”

“What’s going on out here?” Jeremy asked from the bus, hearing all the noise. “Whoa!” He ran over and caught Hayley as she collapsed to the ground sobbing.

“What’s wrong?” He asked. He looked up to see Josh walking away from the bus as fast as he coud.

“Josh, I don’t know what you did, but I'm pretty sure I’m gonna kill you!” Jeremy called after Josh. Josh raised his arms in the air in an ‘I don’t care’ gesture and jogged away faster.

“What happened, Hayley?” Jeremy asked.

“Shit!” Sarah said as she climbed off the bus and saw Hayley. “Where is that bastard, I’ll kill him!”

“Will someone tell me what is going on?” Jeremy demanded. Hayley tried to speak, but the only thing that came out were hysterical sobs.

“Jeremy, she’s pregnant.” Sarah said quietly.

“Oh my God…” He whispered. “Hayley!” He pulled her closer and hugged her tight.

Josh never came back to the bus that night. No one could find him or get in contact with him over the next few days. By the end of the week, Paramore was no more.

---

:( awww...

Constructive criticism/buzz/comments are appreciated. Thanks so much to everyone who reads/comments/buzzes :)

 

Hola Buzznetters! So I have some good news and some not so good news. :/

Good news... My laptop should be back by Wednesday or Thursday. :)

Bad news... they didn't fix my laptop... So as soon as it comes back, it has to go away again. :'(

What does this mean for you? Well, I only have one more pre-written chapter left... Plus two that need a LOT of editing still. I ocassionally have access to a computer, but it's hard for me to be able to write while I've got one since none of my family/friends know I write (and I'd like to keep it that way, lol).

I'll try my best to update as much as I can, but it may be a while between posts depending on when I get a chance to write/edit. :(

This makes me sad, I miss my laptop :( haha. Plus, I've been in a writing mood for the past few days but I can't really write :/ ah, well, hopefully they'll fix the laptop this time around! We'll see...

 

In other news, who got the brand new eyes Preorder?! :D I did!! Hehe. Took forfrigginever but I got it! lol. So excited!!

aaaaand sorry for any spelling mistakes/ weird words in hhis post, I'm typing this up on my phone, haha.

I tried to wait until Monday to post buuut... I am a very impatient person. Hehe. Lucky you.

This chapter is in two parts since it’s pretty long, and it’s mainly to answer some questions. It steps back in time, before Ethan was born, to show what happened between Josh and Hayley. :)

---

-Part 1-

(Three Years Ago)

Josh smiled as he hopped out of his bunk and pulled back the curtain on Hayley’s bunk to see her sweet face, sound asleep. He kissed her forehead gently and closed the curtain to find some food. He yawned as he reached the front lounge and pulled out his trusty Cap’n Crunch.

“Morning.” Zac managed through a mouthful of food.

“Unkee Josh!” Samuel, grinned. Jeremy had accidentally gotten Sarah pregnant two years ago and nine months after that came Samuel and the wedding. It was tough having a kid on tour, but he was a welcome part of the Paramore family and Jeremy couldn’t have been happier.

“Is that… a burrito, Zac?” Josh asked, spotting Zac’s plate. His brother nodded, taking another gigantic bite. Samuel giggled and ran off to the bunks, yelling for his father to ‘come look what unkee Zee was eating’.

“It’s one in the afternoon.” Zac informed. “I’m allowed to have one.” Josh rolled his eyes and slumped into a nearby chair. “How’s Hayley?” He asked.

“Sleeping.” Josh replied with a frown. Hayley had been sick lately. They were only a few weeks into the tour though, so it wasn’t completely unexpected. But this time was a bit different. Normally she was only ill for a few days, if at all, and she just had vocal issues. This time, she’d been vomiting almost every day for a week.

Andrew, the tour manager, and Josh were finally forcing her to go to the hospital this afternoon. Josh hoped it wouldn’t be anything too serious and they’d give her some antibiotics and send her on her way.

“When’s the appointment?” Zac asked.

“Actually, I should get her up, it’s at 2:30 I think.” Josh mumbled.

“I’m up.” Hayley said happily.

“How are you feeling?” Josh asked with a smile. She walked over and sat on his lap, kissing him sweetly.

“Excellent.” She replied. “I’m starving!”

“Burrito?” Zac asked, holding out what was left of his. The color drained from her face and seconds later, she ran for the nearest trash bin. Josh winced but walked over to rub her back soothingly.

“The smell.” She gasped, pointing to Zac’s burrito. His face was quite green at this point, and he hurried to open a window to get rid of the burrito smell.

“Fuck!” Hayley said. “Nothing to throw up, just bile.” Josh curled his lip and his stomach churned dangerously. “Sorry.” She mumbled. She wiped her mouth and turned around. She was very sweaty and pale, Josh felt horrible for her. Hopefully the doctor could fix her up quickly.

“I’m sorry, babe.” He frowned. “I know being sick is no fun.” She rolled her eyes and weaved around him to find a toothbrush. “No more Mexican food until I’m better!” She called over her shoulder. Zac nodded vigorously, still slightly green in the face.

 

“Ms. Williams?” A nurse called. Hayley stood up with a smile and followed the nurse to an exam room.

“What seems to be the problem?” The nurse asked.

“Well, I’m feeling fine now, but I’ve been pretty sick recently. I’m touring, so it’s not that uncommon, but it would be great if there is a way to get better faster.” Hayley informed. She wanted to get in and out as quickly as possible.

“Alright. Lets see what we can find out.” The nurse smiled. “I just have a few questions.” Hayley nodded and answered all the questions about health issues in her family and previous illnesses.

“Just a few more.” The nurse assured as Hayley began to get annoyed with the long list of questions.

“Uhm… lets see. Oh, yes. Are you sexually active?” The nurse asked. Hayley blushed deeply, thinking of Josh.

“Yes.” She answered quietly.

“How many partners and do you use protection?”

“One partner, my boyfriend, just a few times though.” Hayley replied. “And we always use protection.”

“Alright, great. That’s all I’ve got for you.” The nurse smiled. “The doctor will be by shortly to do some blood tests. Don’t worry, we’ll fix you right up.”

“Thanks!” Hayley smiled.

 

Josh checked his phone for the billionth time, waiting for news from Hayley. He had wandered around town all day and played laser tag with Jeremy, Taylor and Zac for a few hours. She had to be back from the doctors by now. He dialed her number and waited for an answer, her phone went straight to voicemail.

“Hey, guys, I’m gonna head back to the bus. I’m getting kinda worried.” Josh announced as he hung up the phone.

“Alright, let us know what’s up.” Jeremy smiled. “Anyone up for food?”

“Always!” Zac replied. “See you, Josh!” Josh waived and headed back toward the bus.

 

“Hey! Hayley!” Josh called as he spotted her, sitting alone, outside the bus. “Whoa! What’s up?” He asked. Her cheeks were stained with dried tears, but she looked strangely calm.

“Found out why I’m sick.” She said quietly. Josh’s heart sped up. It wasn’t anything serious was it?

“Why?” He asked casually. Hayley didn’t reply. She looked like she might cry again. He sat next to her and pulled her into his arms.

“It’s ok.” He whispered, kissing the side of her head. She shifted so she could see him and kissed him hard on the mouth.

“Mmm.” Josh moaned into the kiss with a smile. “What was that for?” He asked as Hayley broke away.

“I’m… I’m pregnant.” She said quietly.

“I’m sorry, what?” Josh laughed. “I swear you just said…" his face went deadly serious, "what?” Hayley groaned and ran her fingers through her hair.

“How?!” Josh gasped. “Who’s is it?”

Hayley looked at him in disbelief. “Yours, asshole!” She laughed, shoving him playfully. “The freaking condom must have broke.” She added with a sigh.

“Oh…” Josh replied. “Must have been that night before band pract…”

“Before practice started up, yes.” Hayley rolled her eyes.

“You’re… you’re pregnant?!” Josh yelled, as it finally hit him. “With my kid?!” Hayley glared at him.

“Yes, captain obvious!” she hissed. “Say it a little louder, why don’t you? I don’t think they heard you across town!” She spat.

“What are we gonna do?” Hayley wailed after a few moments of silence. Josh didn’t reply. He stood up slowly and turned to face her. He planted a kiss on the top of her head and began to walk away.

“Josh! Don’t you dare leave!” She yelled.

“I’ll be back.” He promised.

“Joshua Farro!” She spat.

“I need to think about how to handle this!” He said. “I’ll be back soon.” Tears instantly formed in Hayley’s eyes, but she didn’t stop him.

“Josh, get your bubble butt back here now!” Sarah roared dangerously as she hurried off the bus. Hayley stifled a giggle through her tears and allowed herself to be enveloped in a hug from Sarah as Josh began to jog away from them.

“He’ll be back.” Hayley whispered.

 

---

 

Next part of the chapter should be up within the next few days :)

I think I broke my toe >.< ouch! hahaha

First if all, posting a journal on Buzznet is not so iPhone friendly... Haha. Just in case you were wondering...

I'm writing this little note in the HTML editor since it won't let me add anything in the regular 'new journal section' not so fun, but I'm getting the chance to brush up on my HTML knowledge, lol

Anyway, remember the preview for this story? This is where it’s from. Teehee. The first few paragraphs are the preview, then it jumps into new stuff.

Once again, short chapter! Sorry!

 

---

 

HAYLEY’S POV

It’s so strange to wake up with a smile...

Don’t get me wrong, it feels wonderful, but it’s all so mysterious. Why? Why am I happy? Why do I feel giddy? What dream could I possibly have had? It’s rare to wake up smiling, but it always puts you in a great mood that’s often hard to shake.

Today was one of those mornings. I woke up with a smile, feeling indescribably content. The fact that I wasn’t even in my own bed barely registered in my brain, I was far too comfortable to care. Besides, the puffy dark green comforter and soft pillows felt vaguely familiar, how bad could it really be.

God! How was it possible for a bed to be so damn comfortable? I groaned and wiggled around a bit, trying to bury myself further in the soft cotton sheets. There was no way I was planning on leaving anytime soon.

I rolled onto my side and inhaled the scent of the pillow beneath me, a smile breaking across my face once more. Something about that smell was strangely comforting and familiar.

I felt an arm snake around my waist and heard a tired grunt from behind me. Alright. fine, now I was curious. As I rolled over to see who my bed partner was, it hit me. I did know this bed. I knew who was beside me.

Just as realization hit me smack in the face, my eyes landed on Him.

“Josh!” I whispered, shocked.

How the hell had this happened? Why was I in Josh Farro’s bed?

I groaned as everything suddenly came flooding back to me. The message. Oh, God! After I’d heard the message, I’d gone straight to the bar. I only remembered having a few drinks though…

I vaguely remembered running into Josh and breaking down in front of him, he must have dragged me back here. Even though he was trying to distance himself from me, he still cared enough to make sure I was ok. Josh is always too sweet.

My eyes settled on his face and I smiled. I studied his strong jaw line and laughed quietly at the little bit of hair that was growing near his chin. He was always in need of a shave these days. He sighed and rolled over in his sleep, making my heart race. We were now face to face. His arm locked around my waist and I felt my heart jump.

“Damn it!” I whispered to myself quietly. I think I was falling for him. Maybe I had always liked him, who knows. All that mattered was that I make the feelings go away. It wasn’t fair to Josh for me to suddenly realize I possibly like him now. He was officially getting over me. It would tear him apart if we got together and then broke up, which was likely what would happen. It wasn’t fair to him for us to start dating and then for me to potentially realize that maybe I don’t like him after all and maybe it was just hormones making me think I did. It was best if it all just ended.

I had to get out of here. If he woke up, I wouldn’t be able to control myself and there would be no hope for this to all just go away.

“One kiss wouldn’t hurt…” I mumbled quietly. I leaned in and kissed the corner of his mouth gently. He grinned broadly, but didn’t wake. I untangled myself and slipped out of the bedroom as quietly as I could.

I took a moment to look around the apartment before I left and frowned to myself. He was nowhere near being unpacked yet. I had nearly forgotten that he’d had to find a new place once we got back from touring since the Bri-breakup. It was pretty barren here. Nice place though.

I pulled my phone out, ready to call Hannah and ease the wrath I was sure to get from her, and swore. The screen was completely shattered from the little fall it’d had the night before.

“Awesome.” I spat. There was $400 gone. I need to go easier on my phones.

As I reached for the door handle, I paused. There was a large dry-erase board stuck to the side of the refrigerator with Josh’s scrawl filling it up.

‘Amazing still it seems, I’ll be 23. I won’t always love what I’ll never have. I won’t always live in my regrets.’

I felt my throat close up, but the next part was really what got me.

‘You’ll sit alone forever if you wait for the right time. What are you hoping for? I’m here now, I’m ready, holding on tight. Don’t give away the end, the one thing that stays mine.’

What was I doing? He loved me. And I think I loved him. But was it really worth risking Paramore for?

Fuck, I needed to figure this out. What did I want? Josh or the music? Could I potentially have it all?

I think Josh was right. We need time apart. We both have a lot to figure out. Hopefully, he’d still be there if I still liked him once I thought everything through. If not… I’d move on.


JOSH’S POV

Just like that, she was gone. Didn’t even wake me up to say ‘thanks for looking out for me’ or goodbye. Did she really have to kiss me though? That was low. I almost pretended to wake up after she kissed the corner of my mouth, but I really wasn’t in the mood for a yelling match this morning.

I groaned and rolled out of bed as my stomach demanded food with a loud growl. The first thing I noticed as I walked into the kitchen was the dry-erase board.

“Shit!” I groaned. I forgot that was there. She’d seen it, no doubt, judging by the messy writing squeezed in at the bottom.

‘Josh, I need time, too. ~Hayley.
P.S. ‘people that are meant to be together always find their way in the end.’’

What the hell was that supposed to mean?! Damn it, girls are too confusing. I slammed my half-open refrigerator shut angrily, forgetting about the milk I’d been going after, and trudged to the bathroom for a much needed shower.

---

 

Happy almost 4th of July!! Next update will be for "Your Own Disaster" hopefully sometime this weekend or on Monday. :)