Breathe For Love

Stolen from Lelia :)

Honestly?

1. Honestly, what color is your underwear?
Pink with white guitars :)

2. Honestly, whats on your mind right now?
Where is my cat? Haven't seen him since Thursday :(
I'm sure he'll turn up at some point though, he's probably out bossing other kitties around and freaking birds out. If he were a human, he would be a mix of Surivorman and this dude http://bit.ly/Gs29d not even joking, that cat is FREAKISHLY strong and nature savvy...

3. Honestly, what are you doing right now?
This, and trying not to fall asleep. Dropping notes to Luke, too.

4. Honestly, what did you do today?
Meeting at work, talk on MSN, back to work, back to MSN, barbecue in the rain, watched Twister (dude! I haven't seen that movie in years!!! I forgot how awesome it was. Flying cows FTW!! :D

5. Honestly, do you think you are attractive?
HA! Not really, no. But I suppose most people think that about themselves.

6. Honestly, have you done something bad today?
Probably. Too tired to remember it though.

7. Honestly, do you watch Disney channel?
Don't have that channel. If I did then... yeah, probably, hahaha. Depends on how bored I am and what's on.

8. Honestly, are you jealous of someone right now?
Isn't everyone jealous of someone all the time? Even if it's just a teeny bit? Like "Oh, she has an awesome shirt! Jealouzzzz!"

9. Honestly, what makes you happy most of the time?
Honestly? Music. And a select few friends.

10. Honestly, do you bite your nails?
Nope, I've never been a nail biter.

11. Honestly, what is your mood right now?
Overly emotional due to exhaustion. hahaha. I'm freakishly hyper one second, then really mopey the next. Plus sad about the cat thing every once and a while. Hmm sleep would do my good right now... lol

12.Honestly, have you had an eating disorder?
Nope.

13. Honestly, do you want to see someone this very minute?
Yes

14. Honestly, do you have a deep dark secret?
Oh, hell yes! And I wish I could tell you, but I can't :(

16. Honestly, do you hate someone right now?
Not a person, no. But does Facebook count? It's making me want to smash my computer's screen in because it STILL won't let me upload pictures...

17. Honestly, who/what do you want to hug right now?
Laura :) (or Josh Farro...)

18. Honestly, are you loyal?
To the end

19. Honestly, are you in denial?
...of what?

20. Honestly, wouldn't you rather be having sex right now?
o.O ...no. Why not leave this question out and make it a less creepy 25 question survey? Kthnx

21. Honestly, who is your best friend?
Donna

22. Honestly, have you ever consumed alcohol?
One tequila, two tequila, three tequila, floor! Tee-hee. :)

23. Honestly, do you like someone?
Of course. Probably not someone I should like though...

24. Honestly, does anyone like you?
Mmhmm, or so he says, haha.

25. Honestly, is it going anywhere with them?
Not really sure. I suppose so.

26. Honestly, did you answer all these questions honestly?
Yep yep!

Yay for being able to sleep in tomorrow morning!!
GOODNIGHT! *falls to the floor in exhaustion*

OH, RIGHT! THE STORY! I've been so busy this past week! I have had 0 time to update :( I'm sorry, I'm evil for making everyone wait. But I am hoping to write a lot tomorrow and have something up by the evening.
You have my permission to attack me of nothing is up by tomorrow night. :)

This one is kinda short... sorry. I should hopefully have another chapter up some time this weekend.
There are probably some grammar errors in here, sorry ahead of time. I just wanted to get this posted.
I may go back and elaborate on a few (minor) things, but probably not considering the fact that I'm super lazy this week, haha

HAYLEY’S POV

Man, I love touring. I always forget how much I love it while I’m at home.

Touring was a good distraction for me. A distraction from Jim. I hadn’t talked to him in over a week and I was seriously beginning to regret my decision to break things off with him. This was just what I needed to get over him.

“Hey!” Josh greeted with a smile as he sat down beside me on the grass. It was a beautiful day and I had come outside to relax before we had to go get ready for our first show of the tour.

“Yo!” I replied.

“’Sup?” He asked in a deep rapper-wannabe voice. I laughed and shook my head.

“You totally can’t pull that off.” I said. “You’re too ‘good guy’ for that.”

“Hey, I will have you know that I am not a ‘good guy’” Josh said confidently.

“Oh really?” I asked, raising an eyebrow.

“Yeah.” He said. “Remember the time I stole that beanie?”

“You put it on your head to see how it would look and forgot to take it off.” I replied with a smirk. “Then, you freaked out and ran it back to the store, practically begging them not to call the police.”

“Ok, fine. Remember the time I accidentally stole that beanie. Gosh!” He said, rolling his eyes teasingly. “What are you doing out here anyway?”

“Thinkin’” I sighed. I leaned back so I was resting on my elbows in the grass and looked up at the sky.

“Thinkin’ about what?” Josh asked, laying down beside me.

“Life.” I answered.

“That’s a lot to be thinking about.” He said.

“Mmhmm.” I shut my eyes and enjoyed the feeling of the sun warming my skin. “Oh, I have lyrics to show you.” I said, suddenly remembering my random writing streak from the previous night. I turned to look at him and found him staring at me intently with his lips parted ever so slightly. Weird…

“Sweet.” Josh said with a yawn. “Later though, I’m tired.” He shut his eyes and pulled his arms up to put his hands behind his head. As his arms went up, I couldn’t help but notice that his shirt lifted up a few inches too.

In a huge lapse of judgment, I allowed my eyes to travel down to the newly exposed patch of skin along his lower stomach. Wow, he was tan everywhere, wasn’t he? His skin looked so soft. Even the patch of hair that started at his navel and continued down his abdomen looked soft.

Whoa! Stop it, Hayley. STOP! I blushed deeply and tore my eyes away from him, but I was too late.

Josh raised his eyebrow and grinned cockily. “Stop picturing my junk.” He said, pulling his shirt down to cover up the bit of exposed stomach. “I mean, I know I’m hot, but jeez. Obvious much?” He teased. My cheeks burned even brighter red. I honestly wouldn’t be surprised if they were redder than my hair right about now.

“I-I wasn’t picturing your junk. Pervert.” I replied quietly. “That’s just wrong, dude. Gross…” I shivered. Awkward… way to go, Hayley…

Josh laughed loudly and I instantly smiled to myself. “Lighten up, I was joking!” He said, face going red.

“I know.” I replied. He sat up and started picking grass around him, avoiding eye contact in his ‘embarrassed-Josh’ way.

“Anyway…” He mumbled.

“Yeah…” I said. “Um, wanna play laser tag? I think Jeremy packed one of those cheap-o Wal-Mart toy versions.”

“Hey, I bought one of those cheap-o Wal-Mart toy versions, be careful what you say about them.” He smiled broadly. His teeth were so straight… and the way the sun hit his lip ring…

Stop it! Stop it! Stop it! I do NOT like Joshua fucking Farro that way. Must have something to do with the lack of a man in my life at the moment. I really need to learn how to be single again…

“Oh, shut up.” I rolled my eyes, ignoring my previous thoughts completely. “You know I bought one too.” I laughed.

“Yeah, well, lets go!” He said excitedly. “We don’t have much more time before the meet and greet.”

~*~

JOSH’S POV

As I exited out of iChat, I couldn’t help but smile. I had just finished a lengthy video chat with Bri and things were still going really well for us. I was afraid that me leaving on tour would drive her back to her old ways, but she seemed to be doing great so far. Then again, we were only half a week into a ten-week tour…

I made plans for her to visit every few weeks in hopes that would prevent any relapses. I still kind of felt like I was more of a babysitter to Bri than a boyfriend, but I knew that would change once she got used to doing things for herself.

Luckily for me, by the sound of things she was already starting to get used to it, and I would once again get to play the ‘boyfriend’ roll soon. Before she logged off of our little chat, she took me on a mini-tour of our apartment to show me that she had cleaned, gone grocery shopping, done a bit of decorative remodeling, and done the dishes all with no financial or physical help from her parents or friends. After that came my favorite part of the conversation, she had told me to “get ready to reconnect, lover boy ;)” when she came out to visit next week.
Next week couldn’t get here soon enough…

I rolled out of my bunk to put my laptop away and snuck a peak into the front lounge to see who was still awake. Unsurprisingly, Jeremy and Will were sitting there, watching something on TV, but where was Hayley? She never fell asleep before three in the morning at the absolute earliest. She must be completely exhausted. Either that or, more likely, she was in her bunk chatting with friends.

I ducked back into the shadows of the bunk area before I was spotted and forced to play a late night round of Guitar Hero and made my way to Hayley’s bunk. Sure enough, the curtain around her bunk was drawn, but there was no laptop light glowing from inside.

“Hayley?” I whispered, knocking lightly on the wall beside her bunk. After a few long seconds of no reply, I carefully pulled back the curtain. I smiled to myself as what little light there was in the bunk area reflected off her pale skin.

She was fast asleep, lying on her side with one hand tucked adorably under her chin. She looked so innocent. Her eyelashes rested gently above her cheekbones and a stray piece of hair fell across one side of her face. Her lips formed a pout as she slept, though one corner of her mouth twitched from time to time into a smile.

I reached out and gently brushed the stray hair out of her face and I absentmindedly let my hand linger on the back of her neck. As my fingers tangled in her hair, I let out a short, quiet laugh. I was always amazed by how soft and silky her hair was. She had dyed it so many times at this point that I figured it felt like straw.

Hayley sighed softly in her sleep and rolled onto her back, just as my hand shot away from her in surprise. I felt my cheeks burn in embarrassment and I quickly shut the curtain to her bunk before I was caught randomly staring at my band mate.

Why was I staring at Hayley anyway? Normally I would have immediately shut the curtain after discovering she was asleep. Stupid hormones, I blame it all on Bri. She just had to use that damn suggestively winking smiley face thing before she logged off…

Ok, I just kinda threw this together today. I think it came out alright though. It starts to pick up a bit now, so yay! haha.

Thanks, everyone, for the comments so far. They mean a lot. You all rock. :)

JOSH’S POV

“May I help you?” A tall, older, blond hostess asked as Bri, Hayley, Jim and I walked up.

“Uh, yeah. We’d like to get a table.” I replied.

“For four?” She asked, looking around. “50 minutes. What name shall I put down?” My eyebrows shot up. 50 minutes for food? Was this woman crazy?

“Put it under Josh I guess.” I sighed. “50 minutes? Seriously?” The hostess glared at me, handed over a menu for us to look at, and nodded to the side of the room where some uncomfortable looking chairs were lined up.

“Great.” I mumbled. We made our way to the hard wooden chairs and sat in silence.

“You guys really want to wait 50 minutes?” I asked.

“I guess I don’t mind…” Hayley replied after a few seconds of no replies.

“Yeah, I mean, it’s a big fancy restaurant, so I’m sure it’ll be worth the wait.” Bri added quietly.

“Alright.” Jim sighed. Obviously he was in the same mindset as me. We sat in awkward silence for a good fifteen minutes before Hayley’s stomach grumbled in complaint.

“Sorry.” She giggled.

“Ah, I’m so hungry!” Bri laughed.

“Anything good on the menu?” Jim asked, nudging me lightly with his elbow. I had completely forgotten the menu. I flipped it open and nearly choked on air.

“$24.99 for side salad?” I gasped. The hostess shushed me angrily while Bri and Hayley stifled laughs.

“What?” Jim gasped in apparent horror. “I mean… uh, ok. That’s ok…”

Hayley turned to Bri and raised an eyebrow. “Waffles?” She asked. Bri grinned and nodded with a laugh.

“What?” I asked, confused.

“Come on boys.” Bri said as she stood up. She grabbed my hand and pulled me up.

~*~

“Oh, I’m so full!” I groaned as I rubbed my stomach. I always ate too much when I was at the Waffle House. It was a curse.

“Great idea, babe. Way better than some fancy-schmancy dinner” Jim said, wrapping his arm around Hayley’s shoulders. Hayley twitched slightly at the contact, almost as if she was annoyed, but she smiled.

“I’m going to explode!” Bri groaned. I watched Jim kiss the side of Hayley’s head and saw her grin widely. I wished so badly that I could have that with Bri…

But wait, who said I couldn’t have that with Bri? Only me. I was the only person who prevented my own happiness with her.
I placed my arm around Bri’s shoulders and kissed her cheek, just as Jim had done. Hey, the guy had to be doing something right. I felt Bri smile and she turned to face me.

“What was that for?” She asked.

“Do I have to have a reason?” I whispered. She smiled and kissed me quickly. I grinned and leaned back in my chair. Tonight was a good night.

“Aww.” Hayley smiled as she watched Bri and I.

“I hate to say it, but I think it’s time to go.” Jim said as he looked at his watch. “I’ve got football practice in the morning.”

“We should head out too.” I said. “You have class at 9 right Bri?” She nodded and rested her head on my shoulder, sleepily.

Jim and I paid the checks and as we made our way out of the restaurant, I slipped my hand in Bri’s.

“Why are you holding my hand?” She asked suspiciously. “We never hold hands.”

“Couples hold hands.” I replied. “I think it’s high time we start acting like a couple.”

She grinned. “I agree.” She said. She stopped me and pulled me down, kissing me deeply.

“Get a room!” Hayley groaned, teasingly. Jim wolf-whistled as I swatted my hand at Hayley and pulled Bri closer to me while still kissing her.

“Josh!” Bri giggled. “Not in front of everyone.” She added quietly.

“Sorry, I got carried away.” I smiled. I looked over to Hayley only to see Jim attempting to kiss her. She allowed him to get close, but she looked somewhat miserable…

“Ok, well, we’ll see you two love birds later.” Hayley said as she successfully pushed Jim away. He pulled out the keys to his car and after goodbye hugs, they were gone.

“Ready to get home?” Bri asked, grabbing my hand once more.

“Uh, yeah. Definitely.” I smiled. Something nagged at me in the back of my head though. The more I thought about it, the more I realized that Hayley had seemed very uncomfortable all evening whenever Jim was around.

HAYLEY’S POV

As I got in the car with Jim I sighed. Things between us were headed toward Switzerland again. Well, neutral I mean.

I knew what that meant, what I had to do, and it had to be done soon. It had to be before the next Paramore tour started in a few weeks, but God I didn’t want to do it.

“You’re quiet.” Jim noted. “What’s up?”

“Nothing.” I replied slowly as he pulled up to my apartment.

“Should I come up with you?” He asked hesitantly.

I turned to face him and took his hands in mine. “Look, Jim…”

JOSH’S POV

“Wanna watch a movie?” Bri asked happily as she hopped onto the couch with me. Things were going ten billion times better with us since we’d moved in together. Why hadn’t we thought of this before?

“Totally.” I replied. “I’m just gonna make sure Jim and Hayley made it back ok, she seemed kind of strange when they were leaving.” I still had no idea what it was, but I was sure something was wrong.

“Sure.” Bri smiled. She flipped on the television and began watching some sort of chick-show.

You and boy toy make it home ok? I sent to Hayley

…no boy toy Hayley replied seconds later. I rolled my eyes. 

I mean Jim, Hayles I sent.

I knew who you meant. Still no boy toy. She replied.

“What?” I said aloud, confused.

“Hmm?” Bri asked. I handed over my iPhone to show her the conversation.

“That can’t be right…” Bri frowned. “Maybe she means he went home for the night or something.”

What do you mean ‘no boy toy’? I asked.

No. Boy. Toy. As in no more Jim. We broke up. She sent back, obviously annoyed with me.

“No way…” I said. I quickly typed my verbal response into the phone and sent it off.

Yes way. Things haven’t been too great for a while now. Surprised you didn’t know. Was the next reply.

I’m on my way.

No, Josh. I’m fine, really. I ignored her latest text and turned to Bri.

“I’m gonna go see Hayley. They broke up.” I said, kissing Bri on the cheek quickly.

“Isn’t Hannah there?” Bri asked.

“No idea.” I replied. “Do you not want me to go? I can stay.” I said, although I didn’t mean it.

“No, no, go ahead. She needs you.” Bri insisted. “I’ll be fine on my own.”

“You sure?” I asked, praying she wasn’t doing some sort of cruel test on me.

“Yep.” She nodded sincerely. “Go.”

~*~

“Josh, I said I was fine.” Hayley sighed as she answered the door.

“I know.” I said casually. “I brought ice cream.” I smiled, holding a tub of Strawberry Cheesecake flavored Ben and Jerry’s out as an offering. I saw her fight a smile as she rolled her eyes and snatched the tub out of my hands. I knew she wouldn’t be able to resist good ol’ Ben and Jerry. Those two had helped us get through a lot of hard times.

“So, what happened?” I asked as she hurried into the kitchen to dish up.

“Oh, lately I’ve not really been feeling anything around him.” She said simply. “I think I just…fell out of love. If I was even in love with him in the first place…”

I bit my lip and frowned.

“Don’t look at me like that!” She laughed.

“Like what?” I asked.

“Like I’m poor little Hayley who can’t handle a break up.” She said. I didn’t reply as she shoved a bowl of the ice cream into my hands.

“I’m fine.” She insisted. “It needed to happen.”

“Josh…” She warned as I failed to fight back another sympathetic look.

“I know!” I said. “It’s just…you two seemed so happy. I never would have guessed.”

Hayley snorted. “Everyone else guessed. You must be blind, dude.” I smiled and looked away. Yeah, that’s me. Blind. I had a knack for ignoring things that I didn’t want to see.

I smiled and shook my head as I saw a large glob of ice cream on Hayley’s cheek. She was never the neatest eater. She was an animated talker who, coincidentally, talked too much. I reached forward, raised my hand to her face and gently wiped the ice cream away.

I felt a curious electric wave tear through my body as my fingers came in contact with her warm cheek but I shrugged it off easily enough. As my eyes locked with hers, I felt myself moving closer to her and, despite what my brain was screaming, I couldn’t make myself stop.

“J-Josh?” Hayley said hesitantly.

“Uh, ice cream.” I said quickly. I backed away again and removed my hand from her face. I saw her eyes settle on my lips and I self-consciously began to bite my lip, playing with my lip ring. She shook her head quickly and leaned back into the couch. 

“So… how are things with Bri?” She asked.

“Uh, yeah, good. Really good.” I said, smiling. “She’s really starting to turn into a normal person.” I added with a laugh.

“No outbursts then?” Hayley asked.

“None.” I smiled.

“Great.” She said.

“It really is.” I said quietly. “She’s been doing her share of housework, she’s still working at the restaurant, and she’s backing off a lot. It’s excellent. I feel like we’re a normal couple for once.”

“That’s good. I’m really happy for you.” She said with a genuine smile.

“Thanks.” I said, lamely. “Movie?”

“Oh, you know it!” She laughed. She turned on the television and curled up next to me.

HAYLEY’S POV

My eyes fluttered open as a bright light went off in the room. “What the…” I mumbled as I looked up. Hannah was standing over me with a camera.

“Goway.” I groaned. I turned over and snuggled closer to the warm body beside me.

“Actually, I would advise that you not do that, hun. Not unless you have a death wish.” Hannah whispered.

“What?” I whispered back, groggily.

“Bri is on her way over before class. You might want to get up before she gets here.” Hannah informed.

“Why would Bri…” I opened my eyes to see that I was cuddled up next to Josh. My best friend. “Oh, shit!” I whispered. I scrambled up and smiled inwardly as he groaned in complaint at the loss of my body beside him. The loss of me. Why did that make me happy? I quickly shrugged it off as being ‘freshly single’ and already missing the comfort of a guy in my life.

“Nothing happened!” I hissed as we watched Josh continue to sleep.

“I know, just wanted to avoid any bitch fits when Bri gets here.” Hannah replied. “Come on, let’s get you into fresh clothes.

I don't know when the next update will be, it may be a little while... sorry!

Also, I am in love with "Where the Lines Overlap" and "Ignorance". I'm so stoked for this new Paramore record, haha. Can't wait to hear nice quality/studio quality of both new songs on tour! :)

Yet another boring background chapter. This time with slight hints of Joshayley sprinkled in. At least at the end. :)
Next chapter will start to pick up a bit, I promise. Hope to have it up sometime Saturday to make up for this chapter, depending on how quickly I can write.

HAYLEY’S POV

I closed my eyes as James kissed me on the cheek lovingly. I forced a smile as he pulled away and looked me in the eyes. He really had no idea did he?
We’d been together for nearly a year now, and for most of that time, I had been giddily happy. I don’t know exactly when it happened, but one day I just stopped feeling anything toward him. I was still happy with him, well, happy enough, but… I think the spark was gone for me.

“I’ll see you later tonight Hayles.” He said.

“Later, Jim.” I replied. As soon as he was gone, I sighed and collapsed onto the couch, ready to wallow in self-pity. What do I do? I couldn’t decide if I wanted to break up with him or not. I loved him, at least I think I did, but I wasn’t sure if I wanted to spend the rest of my life with him.

I was in a rut. I couldn’t picture myself without Jim, but I couldn’t picture myself with him either. I felt nothing toward him. When he hugged me, nothing. When he kissed me, nothing. When we fought, well, I suppose I was angry, but I felt nothing soon afterward. There was the rare occasion when I would genuinely smile into a kiss, but that barely ever happened anymore.

The more I thought about it, the more I realized he was more of a nuisance than anything. I always preferred to be off doing my own thing, and he always wanted to be near me. It wasn’t enough for him to be off with me while I was doing my thing, he wanted to constantly be close and cuddle. I wasn’t that type of person. Not at all.

Maybe I just need to be single for a while… Like Josh. Strong, handsome - er... I mean brotherly, Josh.

On the other hand, Jim and I had fun together. We watched loads of movies and went to awesome shows. He knew what I liked, he supported me, he protected me, he was an excellent kisser, he had a nice body …he was everything a girl could want, really.
We would be great friends, but I knew that could never happen. It was either have him as a boyfriend, or not have him at all. He couldn’t handle friendship after a breakup, that much I did know.

What was wrong with me? Here was this incredible person whom I was lucky enough to be dating and I felt nothing toward him. I think I need a good smack across the face.

Just as I began to be disgusted with myself, my phone rang. “Hello?” I said miserably.

“Ugh, stop debating about Jimmy-James and make up your mind already!”

“Good morning to you, too Hannah.” I sighed, allowing myself to fall onto my back on the couch.

“So, are we meeting at Starbucks and shopping or what?” She asked excitedly.

“Oh, you know it!” I smiled, eager for any excuse that kept Jim off my mind. “I’ll be there in 20.”

“Ok, see you in an hour.”

“No, 20.” I corrected. “As in, 20 minutes.” 

“I know.” She replied. “See, I have it all worked out. You have to triple ‘Hayley time’ to get ‘regular people time’. So, when you say 20 minutes it means you’ll be locked up in your room, messing with makeup and clothes and your piano for at least an hour.”

“You have too much time on your hands.” I laughed.

“Just trying to make your flaws look better.” She teased. “Plus, I do live with you. It’s kinda hard not to make that deduction.”

~*~

I forgot how draining a day out with friends could be. Especially friends like Hannah. Don’t get me wrong, I love the girl to pieces, but boy can she talk. Not only can she talk, she has some magical ability to make those around her talk. Seriously, she should be a therapist or something.

Once more, we’d had a long discussion about my James-rut and, as exhausting as it was, I think she’d finally helped me reach a decision. Yes, Jim is awesome, and sweet, and caring, but it’s not fair to him if I can’t give myself to him the same way he’s giving to me. I needed to end it.

Hannah was gone for the night, again, to visit with he grandmother. Which meant I was on my own once the deed was done. Maybe I’d hold off until tomorrow. I was sure I’d need ice cream and a shoulder to cry on once I broke things off with him.
Then again, if this is truly what I needed, I shouldn’t be upset about it once it’s done…

I sighed and turned the key in the lock to my apartment. As the door creaked open, I saw a strange flickering light bouncing off the entryway wall. My eyes went wide and I sharply drew my breath in. There was only one thing that made a flicker like that. Fire.
My apartment was on fire.
I threw the door completely open in a panic and rushed into the house to see the extent of the flames, only to find Jim standing in the hallway.

“Fire!” I yelped. I tried to peer over his shoulder to see where exactly it was while he watched me, amused.

“What the fuck is wrong with you?!” I said urgently, come on!” I yanked at his arm, trying to get him to follow me out the door but he was doubled over in laughter now.

“Hayley!” He gasped. “Hayles, calm down! No fire!” He managed between laughs. “I’m sorry!”

“What are you talking about?” I asked slowly, feeling like I was about to feel completely stupid.

“Candles, babe!” He replied as he tried to keep his laugher under control. He finally stepped aside to reveal what must have been close to 50 candles in my living room, all glowing back at me. I stood in shock, looking from candle to candle before my eyes landed on Jim. He was biting his lip hard, trying very, very hard not to offend me by laughing. A slow smile crept across my face and I soon collapsed against him, laughing hard. Before long, we both had fallen to the floor in a mass, laughing like idiots.

“Ah! The look on your face!” He gasped, tears flowing from his eyes from laughing so hard.

“Shut up!” I replied with a grin. “Why the hell were you trying to give me a heart attack?” I asked nodding to the glowing room.

“I promise you it was not my intention to scare you.” He said, leaning against the nearest wall while sitting on the floor. I cuddled up next to him and rested my head on his shoulder.

“I was trying to be romantic.” He continued. “I failed.”

I smiled and let out a small laugh. “You didn’t fail.” I assured. “Do I smell food?”

“I cooked!” Jim said proudly. My eyes went wide and I twisted around to look him in the eyes.

“You…” I started. “You, James Deveraux, cooked dinner.” Jim did not cook. It was one of his weak points.

“I did.” He grinned.

“Cooked, or ordered?” I asked.

“I cooked!” He said, sounding slightly hurt.

“It’s the end of the world!” I moaned, teasingly. He laughed and wrapped his arm around my waist. I smiled and kissed him slowly on the lips. I was elated as my heart skipped a beat at the intensity of our kiss. This is what we were missing. Maybe he should scare the crap out of me more often.

“Wow…” I gasped as we broke apart after what seemed like hours. Jim simply smiled and let his head fall back to rest on the wall behind him.

“Let’s eat.” He said after a few seconds of silence. “I’ve got movies for after dinner.”

“You’re the best, babe.” I smiled. He stood up and automatically held out his hand to help me up.

“I know.” He grinned cockily. “So are you.” I rolled my eyes and wrapped my arms around his neck, pulling him into a hug. The past ten minutes since I’d arrived home had given me hope. Maybe Jim and I weren’t ready to be done yet. Maybe we’d be ok.

~*~

EMILY’S POV

“Tell the guys I’ll be back in a sec.” Zac said before kissing me lightly on the cheek and hurrying out to his car. I was sitting in on band practice, and we were just waiting on Hayley to arrive before the guys got going.
Taylor and Jeremy were off admiring Jeremy’s new paintball gun, while Josh was in some sort of involved conversation on his phone. I yawned and took a seat on a nearby couch. Maybe I could squeeze a nap in at some point today.

“I don’t mind, honestly.” I heard Josh say as he walked toward my direction. “No, really, I don’t care what the apartment looks like, have you seen my current place, babe? It’s a shit hole. My primary concern is that you like it. If you’re happy, I’m happy.” He continued.

“I love you too!” He said in a sickening voice as he plopped down onto the couch next to me. “No, I love you more!” He smiled into the phone. “Ok, I’ll see you after practice.” He made kissing noises into the receiver before finally hanging up.

“Who was that?” I asked, already knowing, and dreading, the answer. Josh shrugged and avoided eye contact.

“Bri…” I mumbled as I mentally rolled my eyes. “So… I take it things are going better between you two?” I asked, trying to stay positive. I should have known he wouldn’t really be done with her.

“Nope.” He replied easily. I laughed a bit before I realized he was serious.

“Wait, what?” I asked.

“I’m miserable.” He sighed. “She’s still driving me insane.”

“…Yet you’re moving in with her?” I asked in disbelief.

“Yep.” He said simply. My jaw dropped. “We’re trying to work things out.” He explained quickly. “Our biggest issue was that she wasn’t officially living with me. I think that if her name is on the lease with mine, if we share responsibility for the apartment, then she’ll feel more inclined to help out.”

“Josh…” I started.

“I know, I’m crazy.” He sighed. “I just want this to work so badly.” He added quietly. My heart broke for him as I saw his face. He looked desperate.

I sighed. “Alright, whatever.” I rolled my eyes. “But for the record, I don’t think this is the brightest idea you’ve ever had.” I saw anger flash across his eyes, but it was quickly replaced my remorse and doubt.

“It’s worth a shot.” He mumbled.

JOSH’S POV

What right did Emily have to tell me what was good for me? I knew she was just trying to look out for me, but I didn’t need her help with that. I was a grown man for God’s sakes. I was fully capable of making decisions all on my own. If I wanted to live with Bri, I was going to live with Bri.

Instead of dwelling on the issue, I hurried off in search of Hayley. I found her outside talking to Jim. They always looked so happy together. It made me a bit jealous, but it gave me hope at the same time.

I know Hayley and Jim have had their share of issues, from what Emily said, Hayley wasn’t always happy with Jim, which I found hard to believe by looking at her but whatever. She and Jim always managed to work through their issues though. Bri and I could learn a thing or two from them.

“Jim, Hayley! Hey!” I called from across the parking lot.

“Hey, Josh!” Hayley replied, squinting in the sunlight with her uniquely Hayley smile as she looked in my direction. That smile was enough to kill a man…

“Do you two want to have dinner with Bri and I later this week?” I asked casually.

“Sure!” Jim replied.

“Josh…” Hayley sighed.

“Yes, Bri and I are back together, we’re actually moving in together, deal with it.” I said quickly, hoping I wasn’t in for a lecture. Her eyes glared daggers at me, and for a moment I was happy that she wasn’t happy. She didn’t want me to be with Bri. I didn’t know why that fact made me happy, but it did.

Wow, that was really long (and still boring), sorry.

Kind of a boring chapter, but it's necessary, I promise. Next update should be Friday, I hope.

JOSH’S POV

“Hey, Josh.” Emily said as I walked into the practice space. I grunted a response and kept walking by.

“How are you?” She asked with a frown. It was unusual for me to ignore her like this.

“I’m here, that’s all that matters.” I replied hastily. I ignored the concerned look I knew she was giving me and hurried to se up my guitar.

“Walk with me.” I heard a voice say sternly.

I rolled my eyes as tiny hands grabbed my arm and dragged me to one side of the room. “Not now, Hayley.” I groaned.

“Yes, now.” She demanded. “Jeremy’s late anyway. What’s up?”

“Bri.” I replied. Hayley nodded, as if this fact was blatantly obvious, and waited for me to explain. “She walked out this morning. I don’t think she’s coming back.” I sighed. “I think it’s over for good this time.”

“Finally.” Hayley mumbled.

“Hey!” I said defensively.

“No, Josh. Ah, sorry. It’s just…” She sighed and reorganized her thoughts. “Josh, every time you leave practice, you dread going to your apartment. You always complain about the fact that Bri is going to be there. That’s not the way healthy relationships work.”

“I… I love her…” I said quietly.

"Yes.” She replied. “But you don’t have to be in love with her.” I sighed but didn’t reply. What did that even mean anyway? I hated it when people said that.

“Josh, you need to get away.” Hayley advised. I knew she was right, but I loved Bri. Deep down, she was a good person. She just had…issues. She could be very sweet when she wanted to be. I just had to be careful about how I handled her.

“Lets just practice ok?” I sighed. Hayley gave me a warning look but didn’t stop me as I slipped by her to re-join the group.

~*~

EMILY’S POV

“So, how are things?” I asked after the majority of the band had left practice. Josh mumbled something unintelligible back at me and continued twiddling his thumbs like an idiot while we waited for Zac to finish up.

“What happened?” I encouraged. I knew he’d talk. He wanted to. He just needed confirmation that it was ok to spill.

“It’s ridiculous, I’m not going back to her this time.” He burst out. “You have no idea…”

“Ok, alright, that’s good.” I said positively. “That’s fine.”

“We fought again.” He sighed. “About coffee. Coffee Em. It’s ridiculous.” He groaned. For some reason, the cause of the fight didn’t surprise me. My guess? She was angry about something else and this coffee thing was a way to let the anger out. It seemed to me that, whenever they fought, she never acknowledged the real issue, whatever it was.

“I think not getting back together is really the best idea, Josh.” I replied, knowing my opinion probably wouldn’t count for jack shit. 

“She stormed out. She was the one who ended it this time.” He said, ignoring me. “You know what I did when I found out she was really gone?”

“What?” I asked, after I realized he was actually waiting for me to guess.

“I sang. I fucking sang.” He laughed. “I was in the shower, and I sang.” He scratched the back of his neck and ran his fingers through his hair.

“Josh… I know you love her. But honestly? If you were that happy, doesn’t that show you that you two aren’t meant to be?” I said, picking my words as carefully as I could.

“Yeah.” He said softly. “Yeah, it does. I can enjoy life when she’s not around. I don’t have to worry about making her mad. I can go out for once in my life without her yelling at me.” I nodded slowly, silently praying that he was for real this time. We all hated seeing him hurt like this.

“She always puts me down. She never lets me go out. She never pays rent even though she practically lives at my place. Her mom and dad baby her way too much. I shouldn’t have to be her parent and her boyfriend.” Josh rambled on. I waited patiently for him to list through what was wrong with their relationship, like I’d done countless times before, and nodded along, agreeing with anything that happened to come out of his mouth. By now, I’d learned to just let him talk it out. I could speak later. He just ended up more confused and rant-y if I interjected while he was on a roll.

“You don’t have to justify yourself to me.” I said, once he was out of things to say. “You don’t have to justify yourself to anyone.” I corrected. “You have every right to stay away from her. You don’t need to come up with a list of reasons why. Besides, she walked out on you this time. You owe her nothing.”

“Yeah.” Josh said slowly. “I think… I think I just need to not talk to her for a little while. I need to clear my head.”

“I think that’s probably best.” I smiled. “Seriously though, for what it’s worth, I don’t think you two ever made a very good couple.” Josh sighed heavily and looked to the ground. I’m sure he was tired of hearing that, but maybe it would finally get through his thick little skull. That boy could be so stubborn…

I grabbed his hand, making sure he was paying attention to what I was going to say next. “She needs help, Josh. You can’t be the one to give it to her.” I said truthfully. His eyes shut and he turned his head away ever so slightly.  “See, even you know it’s true.” I added quietly.

“Doesn’t make it any easier.” He replied in a whisper.

“I know.” I assured. “I know you want to help, but, Josh, you can’t. You’re not superman.”

“That’d be friggin’ sweet though!” He laughed.

“Josh.” I said sternly.

“Yeah, yeah, I know.” He mumbled. “Just… look, I’m not going back to her. But we still have a lot of things to talk about. I can’t just leave her the way she is now.”

“Josh…”

“No. You’re right, she needs help.” He said. “If I can help get her to realize that, I’m going to. But, I’m not getting back together with her.” He said confidently.

“Alright.” I sighed.

“Hey, I’m ready.” Zac said as he burst through the door looking very tired. I smiled widely as he stretched his arms above his head and yawned. Why did he always have to be so freaking cute?

“Sweet. Lets get out of here.” Josh mumbled.

“Mm, wait a minute, who’s this sexy thing?” Zac smiled as his eyes settled on me. I slapped him playfully as he wrapped his arms around me. He pressed his lips to my forehead before moving down to kiss me lightly on the nose.

Out of the corner of my eye, I saw a grin break across Josh’s face at our display, and I suddenly felt bad for him. He didn’t get this kind of interaction with Bri anymore.

“Alright lovebirds, I’m outta here.” Josh said with a laugh. “See ya.”

“Bye, bro!” Zac replied. “Come on over tonight, we’ll… I dunno, pretend the Grunts in Halo 3 are Bri and shoot ‘em up or something.” Josh laughed and nodded.

“Sounds like fun.” He replied. “Later! And thanks for being a shoulder for me to cry on, Em.” I nodded and waived as he got into his car.

“Nice to know that you pretend to shoot up your ex’s.” I laughed as Josh backed out of his parking spot.

“Not just the ex’s.” Zac shrugged. “You know, you can be really annoying sometimes…” My jaw dropped in mock hurt.

“Hmm. Well, someone doesn’t want me to ‘accidentally’ spend the night this Friday.” I threatened.

“Oh no! Please don’t take that away!” He cried, over exaggerating his expression. I rolled my eyes and laughed, looping my arm through his.

“Ok, seriously now, is it really over this time?” Zac asked.

“I think so.” I replied with a sigh. “I hope so…” I added quietly. I rested my head on his shoulder as we made our way to his car.

“You think he’ll be alright?” Zac asked hesitantly.

“Oh, he’ll be fine.” I said confidently. “He’s more worried about how she’ll do.”

Zac laughed. “She’ll be back on her feet, dating someone else in no time. And isn’t she going to a doctor soon or something?”

“Yeah, she is. I know she’ll be fine, but he does still have feelings for her, so he’s concerned about it I think.” I mused. “I dunno… he’ll figure things out.”

Zac nodded slowly. “Ok, well, get in the car, it's surprise time." He smiled. "I think it’s time for lunch." 

“You know you just gave the surprise away with the hungry talk, right?” I laughed. He opened and closed his mouth several times, trying to think of a response.

“Hey, I’m taking you out to lunch, don’t complain.” He finally replied.

“You, sir, need to learn to think and then talk. Don’t do both at once.” I advised. Before he had a chance to retaliate, I stepped forward and kissed him hard on the mouth. He moaned into the kiss as I licked his bottom lip and he rested his hands on my hips before running his fingers along the sides of my waist gently.

“What was that for?” He gasped, as we pulled apart.

“Because I love you.” I replied with a grin.

“Oh.” He replied, still slightly stupefied. Before I knew what was happening, he kissed me softly, just how he knew I liked it. He rested his hand on the small of my back while our lips moved together in a slow kiss that left my insides feeling weak.

“Zac…” I gasped as he pulled back. I held on to his hips, more for support than anything, and shut my eyes with a goofy grin.

He kissed my forehead lightly and then pressed his own forehead against mine. “That’s because I love you more.” He said quietly.

I couldn't pass up a chance for a little Zac/Emily! haha :)

I'm not sure how I feel about this chapter yet, haha. I can say that I like the next one a lot more though :)
Oh, right. There's a bit of language in this chapter. Just so you know.
Also, this chapter takes place a few months before the preview.

~A few months earlier~

- JOSH'S POV -

“Morning sexy.” I heard a female voice mumble happily. I felt her cool hands on my bare chest, instantly causing a smile to cross my face.

“Good morning!” I replied gruffly. I cleared my throat and within seconds her lips were on mine. I rolled over, so I was on top of her, one leg on either side of her trim waist, and kissed back passionately. I could get used to waking up like this. Usually she was up and gone to class before I even woke up.

“Mhmm, Josh!” She gasped as I bit her neck gently.

“Careful with those noises.” I whispered. “You know I can’t be held responsible for my actions when you do that.” She grinned slyly and dragged her hand down my torso slowly...

“Bri!” I groaned, my eyes snapping shut.

~*~

“I could get used to waking up to that.” I grinned, kissing Bri lightly.

“Me too.” She replied with a giggle.

“Come on, we should get up.” I said remorsefully after glancing at the clock. “I have practice in an hour and a half.

“Wanna go for coffee first?” She asked as she pulled herself out of bed.

“Sure.” I replied. I was always up for coffee. “Let me just grab some cereal and take a quick shower.”

“Sounds good.” Bri smiled. She grabbed fresh clothes the drawer I’d set aside for her in my dresser and headed for the bathroom.

“You ready yet?” Bri hollered from my bedroom.

“Let me finish my cereal and take a shower and we’ll go.” I yelled back from the kitchen. I could almost hear her roll her eyes. Bri could to be the most impatient woman I had ever met sometimes.

She came out of the bedroom just as I finished my morning cereal and smiled. “Alright, lets go!” She said, pulling me up from my seat.

“Not yet hun!” I laughed. “Shower, remember?”

“Well, can’t you just drive me there and come back for your shower?” She sighed.

“Uh, well, I was kinda hoping to share a cup with you.” I replied with a forced smile.

“Oh, come on!” She groaned. “I want my coffee.” 

“Wow.” I mumbled. “Ok, seriously, this has to stop.”

“What has to stop?” Bri asked innocently. Bullshit, she knew exactly what I meant.

“I’ve said like, five times now that I need a shower before we go. Have some patience for once in your life!” I said, a bit more edge showing through in my voice than I meant. “Ah, that came out wrong…” I mumbled.

“No.” Bri spat. “I think it came out perfectly alright. Asshole!”

“Bri, come on! I’m not in the mood for one of your outbursts today.” I sighed, heading toward the bathroom. I turned on the shower and shut the door behind me.

“Joshua Farro!” I heard Bri say dangerously as I stepped in to the shower. “You have NO right to talk to me that way!”

“I’m in the shower. Give me five minutes and we’ll go.” I replied, fully expecting a hissy-fit until we were on our way the nearest Starbucks. I learned early on to just let her yell. Everything would be fine as soon as she got her way. She would just have to wait in the meantime.

Bri got everything she wanted. Her mother babied her. She didn’t have to pay for anything. Not for her school tuition, not for her car, not for her car insurance, her father even paid her rent. Rent for an apartment she never stayed in I might add.

If something went wrong, it was always someone else’s fault. Bri could do no wrong. If she had a bad day, she came crying to me. If I wasn’t in the mood to fix things, she stormed off and went to her mom. Her mom would pacify her with shopping, and once again all would be good in Bri-land.

Why am I with her you ask? Do I have a death wish on myself? No, of course not. When Bri wasn’t having her diva moments, she was great. She made me smile. We always had fun together.

She was one of few who really knew me, she really understood me. So, yeah, it was worth putting up with her crap. Besides, she was working on beginning to stand on her own two feet for once, no more help from mom and dad…eventually. She even got a job as a waitress a few weeks back and she seemed to be enjoying it, whether she wanted to admit it or not. She was making progress.

“Josh?! Are you even listening to me?” I heard Bri screech. Oops.

“Uh, yeah! Of course.” I said quickly. “Look, hun, five minutes. I swear.” I heard her start to yell more, but I couldn’t understand what she was saying over the rush of water in the shower.

“Bri, I can’t hear you. Save it for when I’m out.” I yelled.

“Fine! I’ll come in then!” Bri spat, opening the door to the bathroom.

“Bri! What the fuck? I’m in the shower!” I yelled, anger finally boiling over within me.

“I don’t give a shit, Josh!” She screamed. “You never listen to me! It’s always about you! You and that stupid band!”

“Get out!” I yelled back. “Just let me take my shower!”

“Fuck you, Josh.” Bri spat. “You obviously don’t care about me.”

“Obviously, I don’t.” I yelled back. “It’s not like I let you live here, rent free, and buy you all that fucking veggie-food shit all the time. It’s not like I sacrifice every God damned thing I love for you.”

“No! You don’t!” She yelled back. “If you cared about me, you’d officially move in with me! You’d quit the band, and actually pay some attention to me!”

“I pay more attention to you than I should!” I replied. “Do you know how many friends I’ve lost just because I’m dating you? I gave up so many friendships for you.”

“Bullshit!” She yelled. “Bull fucking shit! If you really cared about me you’d take me out to get my fucking coffee!”

“Are you serious right now?” I said in disbelief. “You’re insane! You know that?”

“Fuck you!” She yelled. Seconds later, I heard her walk over to the toilet. No… she wouldn’t…

“Shit!” I yelped as the shower water scalded my body. “What the hell?!” Ok, that was just cruel. “Did you really have to flush the fucking toilet?” I groaned as I backed away from the water stream until it returned to its normal temperature.

“I’m leaving.” Bri yelled. “It’s over!” I heard the door to the bathroom slam shut once more and I rolled my eyes.

“Ok, see you in 10 minutes.” I called. I heard another door slam and frowned to myself.

“Hm…” I peaked around the shower curtain. “She really left.” I felt an overwhelming sense of relief fill my body and a smile spread across my face. That can’t be right. I’m pretty sure I’m supposed to be running after her at this point. God, that woman drove me up the wall sometimes.

Ok, not even kidding, this is based off a real fight. My friend has a crazy girlfriend, haha. Just thought I'd say that before you think I'm crazy for putting in such a ridiculous fight. :)

>.< Here it is, the preview. i'm not so sure about this, haha. First official chapter will probably be... Friday or Saturday.

It is a Joshayley, if you could't guess. The banner will make sense later (or now if you caught on to a certain something in the one shot :P )

23 - Preview

It’s so strange to wake up with a smile...

Don’t get me wrong, it feels wonderful, but it’s all so mysterious. Why? Why am I happy? Why do I feel giddy? What dream could I possibly have had? It’s rare to wake up smiling, but it always puts you in a great mood that’s often hard to shake.

Today was one of those mornings. I woke up with a smile, feeling indescribably content. The fact that I wasn’t even in my own bed barely registered in my brain, I was far too comfortable to care. Besides, the puffy dark green comforter and soft pillows felt vaguely familiar, how bad could it really be.

God! How was it possible for a bed to be so damn comfortable? I groaned and wiggled around a bit, trying to bury myself further in the soft cotton sheets. There was no way I was planning on leaving anytime soon.

I rolled onto my side and inhaled the scent of the pillow beneath me, a smile breaking across my face once more. Something about that smell was strangely comforting and familiar.

I felt an arm snake around my waist and heard a tired grunt from behind me. Alright. fine, now I was curious. As I rolled over to see who my bed partner was, it hit me. I did know this bed. I knew who was beside me.

Just as realization hit me smack in the face, my eyes landed on Him.

“Josh!” I whispered, shocked. We barely talked anymore without screaming, let alone slept together. Wait, did we sleep together or did we sleep together?

How the hell did this happen? Why was I in Josh Farro’s bed?

Hello Buzznetters! Hah, that's my new favorite word, "buzznetters" :) Just wanted to give you a little update on how things are going for me in the writing world.

I've had ...issues (to say the least) recently with writing because of school and work and other stresses, but things are starting to lighten up again and I'm finally starting to write! :D

What does that mean for you? NEW FICS! YAYYYYYY! (Wow, I sound ridiculous. Thank you caffeine.)

First of all: I was planning on posting this new fic once I have more written, but I'm getting antsy, haha. I've never been one for patience...
I have 2 fics in mind right now, but one still needs a LOT of work as far as the storyline goes.

Anyway, the one I'm going to be posting first will include the "Summer Skin" one shot I did a while back. (here) :) I'm not completely set on a name yet, so I wont say the one I have in mind in case it changes, haha.

I think what I'm going to do is write all day tomorrow (Laura [and Amanda and Katie, if you happen to be on msn], you're in charge of making sure I do that xD haha) and then post a preview tomorrow night at some point.

Uhmmmmm what can I say about the new fics...
Well... the one I'm going to post first will be a little...angsty? Maybe, I don't know, I haven't written a whole lot yet. It'll be fun though, I promise. :) Like I said though, it will include the "Summer Skin" one shot I did in November. When that part in the story comes along though, it'll be a tad different than the way it's written now. :X hehe.

The next one is (hopefully) going to be a "cute" one, kinda like the original MFEO one was, because Katie says I need another cute story (and I agree). ^.^

And I was thinking of maybe doing another (short) Zacfic because he and his GF are completely adorable together, haha. But I don't know if anyone would read it. It would probably end up being very short, maybe even a one shot, unless I get a really good idea or something.

Ok, so this post is turning out to be pretty pointless besides the fact that you now know I've not given up writing... Oh well, haha. Look for the preview tomorrow!! :)

EDIT:

Hmm... sometimes the links to the stories in this post work for me, and sometimes they dont. If they don't work for you and you want to re-read (or read for the first time) here are the URLs.

Summer Skin One Shot: http://breatheforlove.buzznet.com/user/journal/3348591

MFEO: http://breatheforlove.buzznet.com/user/journal/3010261/