Breathe For Love

Woohoo!!!!!!!!! :D:D My uncle just bought my sister and I tickets to Warped '09! Don't know why he felt like being so generous but I'm not gonna complain, haha.
This is going to be my first Warped! I really don't know why I haven't been to one before now, it makes me sad :/ but I'm so stoked to be going this year!
Now, I have to figure out which bands I want to see most, and hope they don't play at the same time, lol. Ah, I need to see about a hotel too... because Warped is in Massachusetts and I'm 4 and 1/2 hours away. Don't really want to drive 4 hours once it's all over... lol

As for stories, I WILL be posting more...eventually. haha. It's probably going to have to wait until school is out at this point though. (a little less than 3 weeks! woohoo!) too much going on at once until school is over! lol
Anyway, I have a few ideas in the works, they're pretty uhm... patchy? haha. Lots of gaps to fill at this point. But something will be posted soon. I think...

Wow, it's taking me so long to type this journal up because MSN is distracting and Katie is making me laugh with cow talk and such xD Oh yes, we have awesome conversations. About farm animals and... well, lots of stuff, and we make awesome MSN emoticon stories hahaha. Wow, I just made us sound really weird... sorry Katie! lol
One last thing: Laura, I still think it's normal for people to ask if milk is sexy xD

I'll leave you with this, dedicated to Katie:

:)

Mae is an alternative rock band from Virginia and consists of Dave Elkins (guitar, vocals) Zach Gehring (guitar) and Jacob Marshall (drums). In 2001, Elkins and Marshall started playing together and eventually formed Mae.

It hasn’t exactly been smooth sailing for the band over the years. As well as going through a few member changes (Mae currently has two touring members, Josiah Schlater on bass and Robert Smith on keyboard, both from the Virginia based band, Tokyo), Mae has shuffled labels a few times. After fulfilling their contract with their original label, Tooth and Nail Records, Mae signed with Capitol Records only to part ways with the label two years later.
Currently the band is unsigned and happy that way.

To better understand what Mae is, it helps to look behind the name. “Mae” is an acronym for Multi-sensory Aesthetic Experience – the study of sensation, perception, emotion, and meaning in art and music. The band wants their performances to be an experience for fans, not just another show. To help ensure this experience, their upcoming tour will feature select songs in “stereoscopic 3D.”

Mae’s overall goal as a band is to create meaningful music and, to not only raise awareness about different issues in the world, but to come up with ways to fix these issues.

12 Songs. 12 Months. 1 Goal. Make a Difference.
Over the course of 2009, Mae will release one new song per month that can be heard on their website, www.whatismae.com, and downloaded for a $1 minimum donation. All proceeds will go to a humanitarian project of the band’s and fans choice (currently to a Habitat for Humanity home in Virginia).
These 12 songs will also be available to purchase on three different EPs, released at various points throughout the year. Each EP will focus on three general issues that the band invites fans to discuss on their website’s Forum.

Mae, along with special guests Person L, Barcelona, and Tokyo, is scheduled to head out on the "Mae Presents: (m)orning" tour this spring. The tour kicks off April 19th in Charlotte, NC and runs until May 30th in Norfolk, VA. Mae's first EP of the year, titled "(m)orning" will be sold on this tour.

"Like a fire that spreads without boundaries, we can ignite a change in this world if we work together. As we tie our voices, our resources, our minds, and most importantly our actions together, we will see the world change for the better over the course of this year and beyond. Take this music and this mission and run with it.” – Mae

Key Tracks:
Suspension
Brink of Disaster
The Everglow
Embers and Envelopes

Final part.
Damn, I’m out of things to post again. :/ I need to learn self-control when it comes to posting, lol. I always get too excited and end up posting everything all at once…

This maaaaaaaaay turn in to a full on story at some point. We’ll see.

When You Live (Part Three)

“Josh, I – I love you.” She said quietly. So quietly I almost didn’t catch it. I cocked my head to the side and stared at her, brows furrowed, frowning. I was confused. How could that be? And why did hearing those simple words send an electric shock of excitement through me?

My eyes moved over the features of her face slowly. The smooth curve of her jaw line, her moist lips, the adorable peak of her nose, her high cheekbones and finally, my eyes locked with hers.

Her eyes were mesmerizing, enough to stop anyone in their tracks. They held so much emotion. They even changed color, ever so slightly, depending on her mood. 

I had always prided myself on knowing what she was thinking simply by looking her in the eyes. But now, I couldn’t be sure. Her eyes were saying more than I could understand, more than she would ever tell.

Suddenly the look in her eyes changed. I could read her clearly now. The pain of rejection flared up abruptly and she closed her eyes tight, shaking her head. I saw crystal-clear tears begin to form and it was only then that I realized I had yet to respond to her declaration.

I opened my mouth, but my throat was choked with words I could not speak. There was more in my heart than I could say to her. I didn’t know where to begin. I didn’t even know how I felt about her until just now. How could I be expected to say anything at all?

As she turned to leave I stepped forward, shakily I might add, and gently grabbed hold of her shoulder. She turned to face me, tears flowing steady now, and slapped me across the face.

I didn’t recoil. I deserved it, the thought of rejection can do funny things to a person.

I should say something… I couldn’t just let her leave like this.

But I couldn’t seem to find my voice.

Instead, I pulled her close and buried my face in her neck. I felt her body go rigid as confusion washed over her, but she soon snaked her arms around my waist and returned the hug uncertainly. 

I pulled back and wiped away her tears. She looked at everything except me. I ducked down a bit to get into her line of sight and pulled her chin up with my finger.

As her eyes finally met with mine, I leaned in and kissed her on each cheek, just under her eyes where hot tears were still falling.

“Don’t cry.” I said simply. She scowled and turned away, wiping her face with the back of her hand.

“Hayley.” I whispered as she walked to the door. “Please don’t go.”

“Josh, I can’t… I can’t be here right now.” She replied, defeated.

“Don’t go.” I repeated when she turned her back once more. It was now or never.

“Hayley, I love you…” I said breathlessly. She stopped in her tracks but didn’t face me. “I think I love you too, but I’m scared of what it means.” admitted shamefully. She turned around, face void of emotion, and walked back over.

“I’m sorry I slapped you.” She said plainly. I felt a laugh threaten to spew from my mouth and I quickly bit my lip. Is that all she could come up with? The line of her mouth turned upward as a slow smile made an appearance on her pretty face.

“I’m scared of what it will mean too.” She confessed. “But… I’m willing to find out.”

I smiled and bit my lower lip gently, trying to work up the nerve to kiss her. It just felt like the right thing to do in this particular moment.

Her lips parted as she took a step closer to me and I felt a ball of excitement build up in my chest. Her eyes fluttered shut as I cautiously placed my hands on her hips and I smiled as her long eyelashes rested on her cheeks in a completely adorable way.

Everything moved in slow motion as our lips inched closer and closer together. Finally, our lips met in a soft, awkward kiss that was beyond hesitant.

Well that was anti-climactic…

I pulled back and looked her in the eyes. They were brilliantly green, which meant she was either happy or excited, and there was an invigorating spark in them that filled me with confidence.

I raised my hand to her cheek, still looking her square in the eyes, and brushed a stray piece of hair out of her face. I then wrapped my arms around her waist and rested my hands on her back. She placed her hands on my chest and I saw her eyes dart down to my lips. Her own lips parted as she raised one hand and touched my lip ring. I smiled and leaned in slowly, nudging her head up gently so I could get at her lips.

I pulled her toward me as our lips met in a light kiss that became more urgent and needy as her hands tangled themselves in my hair. Her nails dug at my back, leaving me no choice but to press myself against her. Her body was so tiny and thin compared to my own toned body. I loved it. She fit.

Now the fireworks were going off. Now we both smiled into the kiss. Now that ball of excitement that had built up, exploded in my chest with such force I’m surprised I didn’t fall to the ground.

She backed away slightly and my heart skipped a beat as I felt her warm breath on my lips. I darted forward, capturing her lips once more with my own and let my tongue trace along her lip gently. My hands explored her sides and back as our lips moved together and I groaned loudly as her hands caressed my upper arms. She moaned quietly as I slipped my tongue into her mouth and I felt her nails dig in to my arms.

As things became more intense, we broke apart. The whole “needing to breathe” thing was such a hassle…

My eyes stayed shut as I became overwhelmed by everything. My chest rose and fell quickly as my breathing picked up and my heart beat erratically as if I had just run a marathon.

I opened my eyes to find Hayley’s eyes shut and her head tilted back, against the wall behind her. She must be experiencing sensory overload as well.

“Wow.” She said breathlessly.

“Wow.” I repeated with a smile.

“Now what?” She asked.

“We kiss some more. Make up for lost time.” I suggested with my best devilish grin. She shook her head and laughed.

“I mean what to we do about… everything?” She clarified.

“I know what you meant.” I said. “I just don’t care right now. Everything will work itself out one way or another. I don’t want to deal with it right now. Now is not the time to think, now is the time to just… live in the moment. Be happy.”

“Live in the moment?” Hayley raised an eyebrow. “Hippie.” She teased, repeating what I’d said to her earlier that day. A smile crept across her face and she laughed. “But I guess I can do that.”

She stood on her toes and planted a slow, lingering kiss on my lips. I smiled as she pulled away and I kissed her forehead gently. She wrapped her arms around me and I pulled her close in a hug.

She pressed her head against my chest and sighed happily. I hugged her tighter and smiled. She would never leave my arms again if I had any say in the matter. This is where she belonged.

This was going to be just 2 parts, but I want to re-write the very end bit, but I also wanted to post something for you to read, so here's part 2. Part 3 should be up maaaaaaaaybe tonight, but probably tomorrow.

Huge thanks to Katie for helping me out with this by the way! Forgot to say that  last time, haha.

When You Live (Part 2)

“This is ridiculous!” I complained for the thousandth time.

“You picked it out.” Hayley reminded.

“Yeah, well I figured a movie called “My Best Friend’s Wedding” would be slightly more interesting.” I sighed. “I mean, seriously, who does this? Who actually tries to crash a wedding like this?”

“Josh, it’s a movie.” Hayley said shortly. I knew I was getting on her nerves by talking so much, but I was bored out of my mind.

“This guy is so freaking ignorant. It’s obvious that whatsername likes him. How does he not see that?” I pointed to the screen. “Come on! Even the fiancée sees it! That guy is an idiot.”

“Josh, shut the fuck up. It’s a movie, it doesn’t have to make sense.” Hayley snapped. “Besides, there are a lot of guys who are completely oblivious to the fact that girls like them.”

I snorted. “If I ever act that oblivious, slap me.” I muttered under my breath. Hayley laughed a bit, turned to look at me from her spot on my bed, and slapped me playfully.

“Hey! No far! What was that for?” I complained. She rolled her eyes and turned her attention back to the movie. I zoned out for the rest of the movie, focusing instead on the day’s events.

Today had been a good day. Today, we were almost back to what we had been up until a few weeks ago. I still had no idea what changed between us, or what I could possibly have done to her to make her avoid me like she had been, but maybe today was a sign that we were on our way back to normal. I certainly hoped so, I don’t know what I would do if Hayley wasn’t a part of my life anymore.

“Phone’s beepin’ again.” I muttered as Hayley’s phone went off for what seemed like the hundredth time.

“Give it!” She laughed, holding out her hand for the phone.

“It’s from Jeremy.” I yawned, handing over the phone. She opened the text and shook her head. I peaked over her shoulder to see what it said and frowned. It was one simple word.

“Nike?” I asked curiously. She quickly typed 'stfu! lol' as a reply and sent it off to Jeremy’s phone.

“Yep.” She replied.“Why nike?” I asked. Was it some new acronym that everyone was using that I didn’t know yet?

“Nike! Just do it. You know?” She said. Now I was beyond confused.

“Uh, no. I have to say I don’t know.” I said.

“Nike’s tagline is ‘Just do it.’” She sighed. I blinked, still confused. “Never mind. Inside joke.” She mumbled.

Now whatever interest I had left in the movie was completely gone as I tried to figure out the mysterious text.

“Oh!” I said, moments later. Jeremy was telling Hayley to “just do it”!

“Do what?” I asked.

“Would you shut up and watch the movie already?” Hayley glared at me. I raised my hands in the air innocently and pretended to zip my mouth shut. She laughed and turned back to the television.

I pulled out a sheet of paper and started doodling away. Might as well do something to keep myself entertained while Hayley finished the movie. I needed a distraction anyway. I was doing too much thinking about Jeremy’s text.

Maybe I was just pulling things out of my ass, but I was beginning to think that his text might be related to why she had been avoiding me.

•  •  •  •  •

“Finally!” I sighed happily and leaned back onto my bed as the credits rolled.

“Shut up.” Hayley giggled. She let herself fall back onto the bed, next to me and, after a few minutes of silence, held a strand of her hair in front of her face.

“I think I might dye my hair.” She mused.

“No surprise there.” I laughed.

“Something other than red I mean.” She clarified. I frowned, trying to imagine her with anything other than red hair.

“I like the red.” I decided. “It brings out your eyes.” I added with a smile. Hayley laughed quietly and… was that a blush? Or was she just wearing make up? Holy crap, I think Hayley actually blushed. What the hell was going on?

“But uh, you know, your eyes always kinda pop out of your head anyway. They’re pretty cartoon-ish.” I teased.

“Wow, you really know how to screw up a compliment.” She laughed.

“I try.” I shrugged. Phew, awkwardness avoided. “Seriously though, dye it whatever color you want. But I do like it red.”

“I’ll keep it red then.” She said after a brief pause.

“Oh! Right, I almost forgot.” She said suddenly, hopping off the bed. She dug around in her bag for a bit before turning to face me.

“I got the drugs.” She said in a low, raspy whisper. “You bring the money?”

“Show me the goods and I’ll show you the money.” I said, raising an eyebrow challengingly. Hayley giggled, breaking character, and pulled a box of Cap’n Crunch out from her bag.

“Sweet!” I grinned, holing my hand out for the box.

“Hmm, I dunno, you’ve been awfully mean lately…” She teased. She raised her hand to her chin, debating whether or not to facilitate my nightly cereal fix.

“I’ll just go get some from downstairs if you don’t hand it over.” I pointed out.

“Geez, let a girl have some fun.” She grumbled before handing over the box.

“Yum!” I grinned, tearing open the box. It was mostly for show, I could wait to have my cereal, but I knew it made Hayley laugh and I loved hearing her laugh.

And, sure enough, there it was. Her sweet giggle. I smiled as the sound filled the room and I looked up at her.

“You really are an awesome friend.” I smiled. “I don’t know what I would do without you.”

Great, there was that stupid blush again, high on Hayley’s cheeks.

“You’d die.” She yawned, hiding her blush. “Plain and simple.”

“I need milk.” I said, pushing the cereal box away. One of these days I was going to have to get myself a mini-fridge for my room. It would always be full of milk so I would never have to go downstairs for my cereal.

“Go get it yourself.” Hayley said.

“Too lazy.” I replied. “I can wait for now.” Hayley shrugged and headed for the television.

“You really think this movie was that bad?” She asked as she took the DVD out of the player and placed it in its case. I nodded and reached for the cereal box. It was calling out to me, saying ‘eat me Josh!’ I grabbed it and opted to eat it dry.

“Juss proves tha guys an grls cann-t juss be friens” I replied through a mouthful of artificially berry-flavored goodness.

“What about us?” Hayley pointed out. She grabbed a handful of the cereal and threw it in her mouth like popcorn.

“I guess we’re the exception to the rule.” I replied after swallowing. 

“Are we?” She asked quietly. Hm, we were getting into potentially dangerous territory here.

“What do you mean?” I asked. “Of course we’re friends.”

“Are we though?” She said.

I don’t think I had ever been part of a conversation that went from happy and joking to completely serious this quickly before. To be honest, I really didn’t like it.

“What are you talking about, Hayley?” I asked hesitantly. I didn’t think I wanted to hear the answer. Suddenly everything made sense. I knew why she had been acting so distant. She was going to say we were getting too close, that she was starting to hate me because we spent so much time together. She was sick of me. It would certainly explain most of her odd behavior.

“Talk about oblivious men.” She mumbled.

“What?” I asked. I was completely confused now. She bit her lip and began picking at the skin around her fingernails. She was nervous.

“Hayley, what is it?” I asked, taking a step forward. She instantly took a step back, keeping distance between us.

“What did I do?” I asked.

“Nothing.” She mumbled.

“Then what’s going on?” I asked in as soothing a voice as I could muster. “You can tell me.” I waited, trying to be patient as she opened and closed her mouth in an attempt to speak.

“Fuck, this is hard.” She frowned. I opened my mouth to comfort her but she spoke before I had a chance.

“Josh, I – I love you.” She said quietly.

*gasp* :)

Part one is more for background than anything. Part two will be more interesting, I promise. :)

When You Live (Part 1)

I took a deep breath and stared at my phone. I had to be in the right mood before I called or she would say no. She always said no. I don’t even know why I tried anymore.

What had changed between us? What could I possibly have done to make her avoid me like this? I had gone through every single interaction we’d had in the past few months and came up with nothing that stood out.

It couldn’t be the time I didn’t hand over the remote when she wanted it, could it? No, she wasn’t that petty.

“Dude, just call her, she has to say yes some time.” My younger brother spoke up. My head snapped up from the phone in my hands and I saw Jon standing in my doorway. I threw a pillow at him with a laugh, and dialed her number.

“Hello?” She answered.

I could tell she hadn’t really wanted to answer. She sounded very detached. Usually she was happy when we talked over the phone, you could always tell she was smiling. It killed me to hear her like this.

“Hello?” She repeated.

“Uh, hey!” I said as cheerfully as I could. “What’s up?”

“Nothing.” She replied flatly. I frowned. It wasn’t going to happen today. She was going to say no. Again.

“So, do you want to do anything today?” I asked anyway, even though I knew the answer.

“Uh, I’m kinda busy today.” She said quietly. Lie.

“Oh, come on, Hayley!” I groaned. “We both know you’re not busy. Why wont you hang out with me? What did I do?”

“Josh, I just can’t ok?” She replied angrily.

“Will you at lest stop lying and tell me why?” I asked, raising my voice slightly.

“…Hayley?” I said curiously after she didn’t reply. I looked at my phone to see “Call Ended” flashing across the screen. I sighed and fell backward onto my bed.

“Maybe tomorrow.” I muttered. I said that every day. I was starting to think that “tomorrow” would never come.
I grabbed my phone and opened a new text message window.

You can’t avoid me forever you know. I typed. I sent it to Hayley, slipped the phone in my pocket, and headed downstairs in search of food.

Halfway down the stairs, my phone buzzed, alerting that I had a new text.

Not trying to. I just need …space I guess. I frowned. Why did she need space? We had been home for a month now and she had hung out with Jeremy nearly every day. I know she had seen Zac and Taylor a few times too, whether they admitted it or not. Why did she still need space from me?

~*~

I picked up my phone and dialed her number again. This was quickly becoming an annoying daily routine. If she said no this time, I was giving up. And this time, I’m serious.

“Hello?” She said in that same resistant voice.

“Hi.” I said, defeated. “You know the drill.”

“So do you.” She replied.

“Ok, ok, wait.” I said quickly before she had a chance to hang up.

“What?” She sighed, frustrated.

“This is the last time I’m calling.” I said firmly. “I know you’re not busy. All you’re doing here is losing a friend.” She didn’t immediately respond, but I could tell she was thinking about how to approach her reply.

“I’m meeting Jerm for lunch. Meet me downtown. I’ll call you when we’re done eating.” She said quietly. I grinned. It was obvious that she didn’t really want to see me, but this was a start. Maybe I could find out what was bothering her.

“Ok.” I replied. “See you soon.”

So far, hanging out with Hayley was pretty awkward. Neither of us said much and when we did speak, we stuck to broad subjects, like the freaking weather, that wouldn’t cause any upset.

As we walked by a water fountain downtown I smiled. “Hey Hayles, remember that time we dared Zac to jump in the fountain?”

“Yes!” She laughed. “Oh my gosh! That was hilarious! I never would have thought he was be capable of running that fast.”

“Hey! He had to outrun that policeman!” I defended with a laugh. Hayley smiled and, finally, visibly relaxed.

“Josh!” She gasped suddenly. She pointed to a building and grinned.

“Lets do it!” She said, grabbing my shoulder in excitement. Well, at least she was opening up to me now. Maybe everything would be ok after all.

“Please?” She begged. “We always said we would.” I looked away as she gave me her best puppy-dog eyes. That look could kill.

I stared at the tattoo parlor in front of us and frowned, playing with my lip ring with my tongue. It was a habit that I needed to kick. I always played with my lip ring when I was thinking or when I was nervous. And it always gave me away.

“No.” I said finally. “My mom would kill me and I’d probably regret it someday.”

“Joooosh!” She wailed. “Come on! You know your mom wouldn’t kill you and you wont regret it, I promise.”

“I dunno Hayles…” I replied, walking away slowly. She sighed, probably rolling er eyes as well, and jogged to catch up with me.

“You, sir, have a problem.” She announced as she reached my side.

“Do I now?” I raised an eyebrow, intrigued. She placed her arm around my waist as we walked and rested her head on my shoulder.

Damn, she smelled good. It drove me mad whenever she got this close. She never did this to any other guys… why did I have to be the “lucky” one?

I shook of the thoughts and placed my arm across her shoulders, waiting for an explanation.

“Yes.” She replied. “You need to just… go wild! For one day. Stop over thinking everything, do whatever you want. Don’t think about what other people would say. Listen to your heart, not your mind. Live in the moment!” She grinned excitedly. I stopped walking and turned to face her with a lopsided smile.

“Hippie.” I accused.

“I am not a hippie!” She complained. “Ass.”

“Oh I know you didn’t just call me an ass!” I replied, resting my hand on my hip and moving my head exaggeratedly.

“Well your butt is big enough to warrant the nickname.” She shot back. My jaw dropped in mock hurt.

“At least I can go on the big kids rides at the fair.” I smirked, patting her head gently.

“Oh, now you’ve done it, Farro!” She grinned. She ran forward and shoved me, sending me flying backward toward a water fountain.

“Oh-ho! You wanna fight?” I grinned. She raised her hands in front of her, balling her hands into tiny fists and laughed. I stepped forward and she turned to run. I grabbed her around the waist and stole her sunglasses.

“Josh!” She squealed, jumping up to reach them.

“Oh nice! Keep away!” Zac yelled from somewhere behind me. That was the cool thing about Franklin, it was big enough to always be meeting new people, but small enough that you could easily run in to friends, or, in this case, family.

“Catch!” I yelled, tossing the sunglasses behind me. Hayley took off for Zac, but not before punching me lightly in the chest as punishment.

“Hey, watch it!” A man called as Zac backed up into him.

“Sorry dude!” Zac called over his shoulder. “Josh!” He called, throwing the glasses back to me.

“Childish morons.” The man muttered as he passed me. I cleared my throat and let my hands fall to my side. Hayley snatched the glasses from my hand and threw her hands over her head victoriously.

“I win!” She grinned.

“Uh huh.” I replied.

“Josh! What the hell?” Zac complained. Hayley cocked her head to the side.

“Yeah, wait, what the hell? Why did you let me win?” She asked.

“We’re acting like kids, we’re not kids.” I pointed out.

“Josh, we act like this all the time.” Zac laughed.

“At home.” I laughed. “Not in public. Out here, we’re adults.”

Hayley rolled her eyes. “Killjoy.” She muttered. “Loosen up for once.”

Part 2 soon