Breathe For Love

First if all, posting a journal on Buzznet is not so iPhone friendly... Haha. Just in case you were wondering...

I'm writing this little note in the HTML editor since it won't let me add anything in the regular 'new journal section' not so fun, but I'm getting the chance to brush up on my HTML knowledge, lol

Anyway, remember the preview for this story? This is where it’s from. Teehee. The first few paragraphs are the preview, then it jumps into new stuff.

Once again, short chapter! Sorry!

HAYLEY’S POV

It’s so strange to wake up with a smile...

Don’t get me wrong, it feels wonderful, but it’s all so mysterious. Why? Why am I happy? Why do I feel giddy? What dream could I possibly have had? It’s rare to wake up smiling, but it always puts you in a great mood that’s often hard to shake.

Today was one of those mornings. I woke up with a smile, feeling indescribably content. The fact that I wasn’t even in my own bed barely registered in my brain, I was far too comfortable to care. Besides, the puffy dark green comforter and soft pillows felt vaguely familiar, how bad could it really be.

God! How was it possible for a bed to be so damn comfortable? I groaned and wiggled around a bit, trying to bury myself further in the soft cotton sheets. There was no way I was planning on leaving anytime soon.

I rolled onto my side and inhaled the scent of the pillow beneath me, a smile breaking across my face once more. Something about that smell was strangely comforting and familiar.

I felt an arm snake around my waist and heard a tired grunt from behind me. Alright. fine, now I was curious. As I rolled over to see who my bed partner was, it hit me. I did know this bed. I knew who was beside me.

Just as realization hit me smack in the face, my eyes landed on Him.

“Josh!” I whispered, shocked.

How the hell had this happened? Why was I in Josh Farro’s bed?

I groaned as everything suddenly came flooding back to me. The message. Oh, God! After I’d heard the message, I’d gone straight to the bar. I only remembered having a few drinks though…

I vaguely remembered running into Josh and breaking down in front of him, he must have dragged me back here. Even though he was trying to distance himself from me, he still cared enough to make sure I was ok. Josh is always too sweet.

My eyes settled on his face and I smiled. I studied his strong jaw line and laughed quietly at the little bit of hair that was growing near his chin. He was always in need of a shave these days. He sighed and rolled over in his sleep, making my heart race. We were now face to face. His arm locked around my waist and I felt my heart jump.

“Damn it!” I whispered to myself quietly. I think I was falling for him. Maybe I had always liked him, who knows. All that mattered was that I make the feelings go away. It wasn’t fair to Josh for me to suddenly realize I possibly like him now. He was officially getting over me. It would tear him apart if we got together and then broke up, which was likely what would happen. It wasn’t fair to him for us to start dating and then for me to potentially realize that maybe I don’t like him after all and maybe it was just hormones making me think I did. It was best if it all just ended.

I had to get out of here. If he woke up, I wouldn’t be able to control myself and there would be no hope for this to all just go away.

“One kiss wouldn’t hurt…” I mumbled quietly. I leaned in and kissed the corner of his mouth gently. He grinned broadly, but didn’t wake. I untangled myself and slipped out of the bedroom as quietly as I could.

I took a moment to look around the apartment before I left and frowned to myself. He was nowhere near being unpacked yet. I had nearly forgotten that he’d had to find a new place once we got back from touring since the Bri-breakup. It was pretty barren here. Nice place though.

I pulled my phone out, ready to call Hannah and ease the wrath I was sure to get from her, and swore. The screen was completely shattered from the little fall it’d had the night before.

“Awesome.” I spat. There was $400 gone. I need to go easier on my phones.

As I reached for the door handle, I paused. There was a large dry-erase board stuck to the side of the refrigerator with Josh’s scrawl filling it up.

‘Amazing still it seems, I’ll be 23. I won’t always love what I’ll never have. I won’t always live in my regrets.’

I felt my throat close up, but the next part was really what got me.

‘You’ll sit alone forever if you wait for the right time. What are you hoping for? I’m here now, I’m ready, holding on tight. Don’t give away the end, the one thing that stays mine.’

What was I doing? He loved me. And I think I loved him. But was it really worth risking Paramore for?

Fuck, I needed to figure this out. What did I want? Josh or the music? Could I potentially have it all?

I think Josh was right. We need time apart. We both have a lot to figure out. Hopefully, he’d still be there if I still liked him once I thought everything through. If not… I’d move on.


JOSH’S POV

Just like that, she was gone. Didn’t even wake me up to say ‘thanks for looking out for me’ or goodbye. Did she really have to kiss me though? That was low. I almost pretended to wake up after she kissed the corner of my mouth, but I really wasn’t in the mood for a yelling match this morning.

I groaned and rolled out of bed as my stomach demanded food with a loud growl. The first thing I noticed as I walked into the kitchen was the dry-erase board.

“Shit!” I groaned. I forgot that was there. She’d seen it, no doubt, judging by the messy writing squeezed in at the bottom.

‘Josh, I need time, too. ~Hayley.
P.S. ‘people that are meant to be together always find their way in the end.’’

What the hell was that supposed to mean?! Damn it, girls are too confusing. I slammed my half-open refrigerator shut angrily, forgetting about the milk I’d been going after, and trudged to the bathroom for a much needed shower.

Happy almost 4th of July!! Next update will be for "Your Own Disaster" hopefully sometime this weekend or on Monday. :)