Breathe For Love

So... Buzznet isn't doing what i want it to do. :(

On to plan B! Save the Journals as drafts, log in to buzznet on my phone, and post on Tuesdays and Thursdays! :)

This chapter is kinda short, sorry!

HAYLEY’S POV

I pulled my phone out of my pocket as I felt it vibrate and glanced at the caller ID. Josh. I frowned and slipped it back into my pocket, feeling only slightly guilty for ignoring his call. We had only been back for a few days and, although I was starting to see things a bit more clearly, I wasn’t ready to fix things just yet.

“Hayley! Come on!” Hannah yelled from our living room. She had thrown a ‘surprise’ welcome home party for me with a few of our friends. I plastered a fake smile on my face and walked into the room with freshly made nachos.

“So, what’s up between all of you? You looked ready to kill when you got off the bus.” Bekah asked. “Mmm nachos! My heaven!”

I laughed and rolled my eyes. “Eh, Josh was being dumb… we fought… still have to make up. It’ll happen though, no need to worry.” I said, brushing off the question as best I could. Hannah frowned at me knowingly, but didn’t hint to the others that she knew what had happened.

“Needs salsa…” I mumbled after shoving nachos into my mouth. Hannah hopped up and followed me into the kitchen as I retrieved the salsa.

“Hayley, I know you don’t see it yet, but maybe you should give Josh a chance.” She said quickly. I raised my eyebrows and looked at her.

“Screw band rules!” She whispered. “You deserve to be happy. And nothing could be worse than it is now for the band anyway.”

“Hannah, please…” I sighed. I opened the refrigerator and dug around for a fresh jar of salsa. “You’ve gotta be kidding me.” I mumbled. “We’re out of salsa.”

“Popcorn, too!” Someone called from the living room. I groaned and walked to my room, in search of my debit card so I could make a food run.

“I’ll go, you stay here.” Hannah insisted.

“Nah, I need air anyway.” I smiled. Hannah sighed but handed over my debit card.

“You left it on the washing machine.” She informed.

“Thanks, hun.” I said. “Be back in a minute!” I called over my shoulder as I left. I took a deep breath as I walked out into the cool fall air and smiled. A walk would definitely do me good.

“Stop vibrating!” I complained to no one in particular as my phone pulsed in my pocket, letting me know I had a voicemail. I pulled it out and dialed my voicemail box, not even thinking that it was probably from Josh.

“You have one new voicemail. First voicemail:” A female voice informed.

“Hey, Hayley. It’s me…uh, Josh.” Josh’s voice said. I felt myself smile and I quickly pinched myself as punishment. “Uhm, I’m kinda glad I got your voicemail actually, I don’t know if I could do this face to face, er… voice to voice? Uh, yeah, whatever, glad I got voicemail.” I laughed quietly, he was funny when he was flustered. Voicemail-Josh cleared his throat and continued talking nervously. “I uh, just wanted to say… well… goodbye.” I stopped walking and pressed the phone hard against the side of my face, convinced I’d heard wrong.

“Not goodbye for good!” He clarified. “But…goodbye for now. I need some time away from you to clear my head. I don’t think… no, I know that I can’t deal with just being your friend right now. I just can't be around you and know that I can’t be with you. I need to not be in contact with you for a while.

Hayley, I love you, I always will, but right now I just can’t see you. I don’t know how long it will take, but I… I guess I’ll get in touch when I’m ready, If you’ll let me that is… I realize you may not think this is fair, and that this is really selfish of me, but please I need you to understand that I need this. It’s killing me to be around you, it's tearing me apart. I need to get away.” He paused for a few seconds. “Uh, I guess… well, that’s really all I have to say right now. I hope you can forgive me. Goodbye, Hayley.”

“To delete this message, press 7. To hear this message again, press 4.” The pre-recorded female voice cut back in. My phone clattered to the paved sidewalk and I gasped loudly, taking in some much needed air. I hadn’t even realized I’d stopped breathing. 


JOSH’S POV

“Hello?” I yawned into the phone receiver. Was it really only 11 at night?

“Josh!” A panicked voice replied.

“Hannah?” I asked.

“Have you seen Hayley?” She asked immediately.

“What? Uh… n-no? Why?” I asked, looking around my apartment in case she had somehow slipped in for some reason.

“She went on a snack run and hasn’t come back yet.” Hannah replied hurriedly. “She’s not answering her phone.”

“Do you not remember how easily distracted Hayley is?” I asked. “She’s probably found some make-up or something.”

“She left two hours ago.” Hannah said, worried. I felt a lump in my throat and I swallowed hard. “Do you have any idea where she might be?”

“Uh…” I cleared my throat. “No…”

“Shit.” Hannah sighed. “I’m gonna call around and head outside to look.”

“Me too.” I replied before hanging up. Shit. She probably heard my message. She wasn’t supposed to be alone on the streets in Franklin when she heard it. She was supposed to be in her apartment with Hannah. I grabbed my coat and ran out the door, not bothering to turn off the television.

~*~

“Hayley!” I called out for the thousandth time. My voice was already getting hoarse, I’d only been out here for fifteen minutes. I saw no signs of her, Hannah was having no luck either judging by the texts I was receiving every five minutes or so.

“Hayley?” I stopped dead as I saw a flash of red hair a few hundred yards away. I hurried down the street, toward a group of pubs. “Hayley!” I yelled as I spotted her. She didn’t look up. She was walking down the street, very unsteadily, dead to the world.

I ran over and placed my hand on her shoulder to get her to stop. She jumped and spun around quickly. She looked awful. Her hair was a mess, and her make-up was running down her face along with tears.

“I’ve lost him!” She wailed. “I drove him away. Asshole!” I frowned and quickly led her down a quiet side street so she wouldn’t attract any more attention.

“He’s gone and it’s all my fault!” She continued, tears flowing. She threw herself at me and wrapped her arms around my neck in an awkward hug. I patted her back, confused.

“I miss him! I want Josh!” She wailed into my chest.

“I’m right here, Hayley!” I insisted.

“He’s gone!” She sobbed. “He said goodbye!”

“Hayley! It’s ok. I’m right here.” I soothed. I took my chance as she rested her head on my shoulder, and sniffed her breath. I could smell a tiny bit of alcohol on it, but she actually seemed pretty sober. She was still hysterical though.

“Come on, lets get you inside.” I sighed. She was shaking like a leaf, though I wasn’t sure if it was from cold, or sorrow.

Half an hour later, Hayley was passed out on my bed and I was sitting across from her, staring. It hadn’t even occurred to me to take her back to her place, and now I was kicking myself for it. This was not a good start to my ‘distance myself from Hayley’ plan.

I sighed and slung my feet over the side of the bed, ready to go sleep on the couch.

“No! Don’t leave me!” Hayley gasped suddenly. “Josh already left, please stay!”

“Hayley!” I said harshly. “I am Josh!” I don’t know what was going on in her mind, but it was starting to get annoying.

She started crying once more. “Please!” She whispered. “Don’t leave.” I sighed and gave in, laying down next to her, as close to the edge of the bed as I could get. I couldn’t keep a smile off my face though, no matter how hard I tried. I was sharing a bed with Hayley. And, although the conditions were less than ideal, it made my heart skip a beat.

“Distance myself from Hayley starts tomorrow.” I promised myself.

“What?” Hayley asked sleepily.

“Nothing.” I assured. “Get some rest, you need it.”

Special hug for Laura, ILY!!

There should be a new post on Thursday. I think it will be for... "Your Own Disaster" but I haven't decided yet, heh.
I miss my laptop :(